quiet heartbeat.
I pretend I'm not afraid, but I am shaking.
He must notice because he closed his hand over mine.
He wants me to feel protected, but from what?
He does not know the extent of my brokenness,
And I intend for him to never find out.
I play this role well. I am so damaged.
He is going to fix me, or at least, he is going to try.
He is uncomfortable so he tells a joke.
This should be funny, but it's not.
I feel like throwing up.
It starts to rain and the snow is finally starting to melt.
The bare ground patches through the snow in the lawn out back.
He touches me and I try not to shiver him away.
My smile is forced and he looks nervous.
I am standing at the window, cold and nearly crying.
I see his reflection through the wet glass.
The water dripping down the window pane makes rippling images over his flesh.
He is beautiful in this moment.
It is so quiet that I can hear his heartbeat.
I wonder if he can hear mine,
But I laugh privately at the thought.
Heartbeats come from hearts, and I don't have one.
Begging myself to feel something, but I don't.
I feel nothing.
Disgusted in myself, I walk to the door.
I feel as if I'm about to collapse at any moment.
I grab a chair and put my head into my palm and stare out the glass window.
I glance at him. He is acting like this is normal.
It's not, but I allow it.
There is something so innocent in his eyes.
I look at him one last time.
His eyes are pleading with me, but for what?
I will never forgive him.
I feel tears swelling in my eyes, as I fumble for the door latch.
I push it open, and I step into the rain.
I feel so empty.
I stand in the drizzle and lower my head in farewell.
I am not fixed.
You're a good writer Jack
The reason I like your writing so much is because it's like a puzzle. I can feel your emotion through the words I'm reading but throughout the whole thing I'm wondering what brings these emotions to you, but never can figure it out because it's so abstract. You're a master at this type of writing, and your pieces are very interesting to read. Good job.
UVM Mentor Feedback
Jackie,
This is a really great poem! I'm impressed at your ability to capture such emotions and your ability to take your feelings and put it into poetry shows your maturity. I love the stanza about looking at his reflection in the glass, you use beautiful imagery.
My one suggestion would be to read your poem out loud. There are a few places where I think it needs to be polished just a bit:
In the line, "The bare ground patches through in some places on the lawn out back." It is tough to be sure if you mean that there are patches of bare ground or if by patches you mean the bare ground shows through the snow. The other is the line, "I look at him one like time". Do you mean one LAST time?
I think by doing another read-through, perhaps out loud for a friend, you could catch little mistakes like that. Otherwise it's a beautiful piece of poetry. Keep writing!
Thanks for submitting,
Natalia
UVM Mentor
thank you
Thank you Natalia for taking time to review my poem.
I appreciate that you enjoyed it so much, that's wonderful to hear.
I read what you said and realized that I had made a few mistakes within it, thank you for pointing them out! I read the poem out loud like you suggested and ended up tweaking a few spots. I fixed the line about the ground, and the spelling error I made along with a few others.
Thank you so much for the help and encouragement!
-Jackie
This is beautifully cryptic!
It conveys intense emotion, but allows the reader to decide what is happening... well done!