Ever After

I like all the messages here, particularly about it being human nature to strive to be better, do better, live better, because I absolutely agree. 

I am confused, however, how the poem flows.  The first line had me confused for a little while: I kept thinking "the world" represented a cosmic power that rejected the people so presumptuous as to believe they knew their place in the world; but eventually I realized you were referring to other people, and that helped me understand who "they" was in the third line.  I think your response to the people who say there is no point in anything is very effective: I think you successfully illustrate the turn from pointlessness to freedom, and the way you show that is very skilled.  The main part that has me confused is when you say "the only goal we should ever have to get to,/Is living" because that, to me, at any rate, seems to contradict what you were saying before about living without bounds.  They're definitely related, but I don't think the connection is quite clear, particularly when you then talk about living in the past through memories, which greatly contrasts with what you were saying previously about living for the future.  I agree that "life is in the memories," particularly in smiles, joy, and love, and so many other things, but the ideas don't quite match up yet.  The sense in which you use the word "human" is very interesting: whenever I read the last line, I keep forgetting that your definition of that word doesn't match the one generally used.  "Only human" usually means "nothing special and content to be so" while you define "human" as the drive toward something greater.  Your point in that final line might be clearer if you cut out the word "only," but you may have some more creative idea to make it clearer to the audience that you're still using your definition of "human" at that moment.

I think this is a great response to the pessimists who think life is meaningless because they aren't what you call "a follower," and very empowering for people looking for meaning.  Hopefully, these suggestions are helpful!

I think you said a lot of great things in that comment that could be really well built into another version (or several?)!  The themes you're exploring here are huge and deserve a lot of thought (which you're giving)!  That's the main reason I listened to your recording three times and then worked on reading for the arguments: I liked what you were saying and appreciated how you challenged my own perceptions.  I think you could write a whole piece on what it means to be human, perhaps starting with the phrase "only human" and twisting that over the course of the poem so that by the end the phrase takes on the meaning you give it, not what the audience thinks when they read it.  Or that could be a movement in a series of poems that examine the same subjects as this piece, so you explain what it is to be human and then frame human experience in time.  Or it could be something else entirely that I can't conceive of because I'm not you.  And that's the most crucial part of this poem: what you believe.  It's what makes it interesting for me to read, and for you to write, and I think the clearer you make your case, the more rewarding you'll find it, until it's more than enjoyment, but part of you.  Hopefully that makes sense.

Yes, I think another draft might be in order. Though, in a different form. I like the idea of taking the basic seed (or one of many) and shifting it to its own flower pot to grow into something new. I forsee many poems in my near future. Thanks again for the feedback, and the discussion! Discussion breeds creativity and ingenuity, as well as a few cool ideas here and there. Thanks!

(P.S., yes, it makes perfect sense!)

I really enjoy how this poem is offset and different.. Not only with how the poem flows but, with the meaning as well.. Everyone thinks that they need a set path to travel, and they think that it'll make things easier in the long run but sometimes it may just confuse.