Due this week

General Writing. Send in your best work – poems, short stories, essays. (Feel free to do it throughout the year, but this gives you a deadline.)
Deadline: Oct. 10.

To submit to Newspaper Series

  • Log in. (Click "Not a YWP member?" to create an account.)

  • Click "create content" and create an ENTRY
  • Fill out "title," "author name, school & grade" and "prompt" boxes.
  • Paste story into "body."
  • Click "Submit." You are done.
    NOTES: Your account email must be accurate; a "blog" entry must be resubmitted as an ENTRY to be considered.

A Pool of Thoughts

Submitted by med233 on February 8, 2008 - 14:15.

I don’t think of the word Iraq very often, but when I do, nothing will come to mind at first, but when its dumped into my pool of thoughts, ideas will start to creep towards the surface as a bubble. This one bubble, it's whispering that there’s a struggle of peoples. Peoples who do not have the luxuries that we have today, and most of those people don’t even the bare necessities such as food, heat, and cloths to protect them. An Image of a little girl leaps to the surface, a girl who must wash her hair as fast as possible to get to get to her morning chores. Then we also realize that even those who have their necessities, do not have anything that is like what we have
Then a big bubble surfaces and it rings out that there’s a fight for freedom, a war, the deaths, and sufferings.
But now the bowl is silent. Then a sudden rumble begins to shake the entire cavern that my thoughts occupy. Shooting strait out of the water a gigantic bubble appeared, and it utters a single little word............ hope
Then the entire cavern erupts with bubbles, all these ideas there is so much that the giant bubble had said. Since the day hope was born out of Pandora’s Box it will always push on and it will be with us forever.

lokiluver's picture

Great Job!!!

Submitted by lokiluver on February 20, 2008 - 10:14.

WOW
that was really good
keep writing
=) *Hannah*

njandl's picture

Ripe for revision

Submitted by njandl on February 22, 2008 - 10:14.

Matthew,

This is a prime example of writing with great potential, but in need of revision. At this point you have some solid imagery and an interesting conceit (an extended metaphor that runs through the whole piece - i.e. the bubbles), and your depiction of the Iraqi children is touching and accurate. But there are a number of errors in spelling and grammar that keep this piece from really flowing. Some of the errors, such as "strait" (should be straight) will not be picked up in spell-check either, which makes it particularly important that you read you work carefully. Reading out loud is best, as it helps you notice problems much more easily than if you read in your head.

Keep writing! Again, this is a very good little vignette about Iraq; it just needs some polishing.

Nathan

Nice

Submitted by cutiestickers on March 16, 2008 - 16:29.

wow matt, i never new that you thougth like that, that was a really touching piece and i hope you keep writing

eoleames's picture

=]

Submitted by eoleames on April 14, 2008 - 09:07.

awesome job, this is really good!

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