12

I imagine it must be terrible to be old, to know that life is almost over and to know that death it closer than it has ever been. We go through life seeing others die, raising our children to die, wishing we could die, and then dying ourselves. Life can be cruel. We choose to do something more practical than follow our hearts. Going through life wishing we had done something different, watching others live our dreams, and saying if only. We tell our kids to live life to the fullest, to not be like us but you can’t stop the inevitable. Our kids grow up and give away their dreams; there are only few who live their dreams. Living an unfulfilled life and dying like the rest.

Death can be crueler. Once we have lived our lives we face a crueler path. We lose our senses, our minds, our souls, and then our bodies. In the period where we lose these our families abandon us treating us like a burden. Our friends die with us but nowhere near us, and we become a burden, a job, for “professionals.” These people are assumed to know what we are going through. In this time we just want the people who abandoned us back, to feel young once more, to be loved and needed again, and to be who we wanted to be, but never were because life got in the way. No professional, no person can truly understand this until they’ve lived it or stood on the side lines watching it happen. Read more »

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things that a human being has to do. Usually when you say goodbye to someone or something, it implies that you are losing them. While that may not be forever, it still hurts even if it is only for a short time. I am forced to say goodbye to one of my best friends this summer when the leave for the summer. While they are coming back at summer end, it still is going to hurt not having them here and having to say goodbye, even if its only for a short time.

Walking along beside the stones
Not a thought but rotting bones
And how I am all alone

I take a seat beside a grave
There is a flag which always waves
As a symbol he is brave

I sit there and read the date
Too young to meet his fate
It is a shame I was too late

He was such a great friend
I should have been there to help defend
This is not how it should end

Public speaking, just saying those words brings a flood of emotions which deserves a sigh. Where do I start? Public speaking, well I would rather just get it done and over with, I dislike having to present, but when it comes to reading aloud, I normally don't get so flustered about it.

Lets start with presenting and reading works that are mine. First I am self-concious of my own work, second of all, presenting is much more different than just reading aloud, you see when I present I fumble over my words and screw up the sentences. It is very obvious that I am flustered and I try to keep a calm attitude, but knowing me, because I am me, I screw up. My heart starts to race, my brain is in frantic overload...I just don't know what to say or how to act. I get flustered and I fumble my words a lot.

When I read publicly the only things I have to worry about is being loud enough and mispronouncing words. I naturally can read slowly and clearly, and sometimes I do get nervous, but I doesn't show bery much. I know what to say and I don't have to do much besides read the words in front of me. There's not much to worry about, all I must do is read and continue to read loudly, and slowly, and clearly, until I am done.

Public speaking for me is like a two way street, I cannot present, but I can read to an audiance as long as it is not something of mine that I am reading. In either case I do get nervous and my heart starts to pound. Sometimes I get a little ahead of myself, but I try to go on. Public speaking isn't a walk in the park for me.   

Isn't it disturbing how our judgments of someone can prevent us from being a part of a person's life? Sure, she might have a big nose, or he might be an extremely eccentric or odd person, but does that really mean anything in the grand scheme of things? It is rather shallow to limit yourself based on appearances and rumors. Maybe these traits we so detest and reject make that person unique, and worth our while. Instead of sitting there silently scanning them with our eyes, we could get up and initiate a conversation. Initial contact is the hardest thing to do in my opinion, and it is all a simple set of interactions that leads down the path of friendship. But to deny a person without giving them at least a few chances, and trying to understand them is the most cruel thing we could ever to do to someone. We miss so much in life by doing so, and our whole future could be changed by it. I know mine was.

Rain
It’s coming down again
In droves
For days it has been the same
Grey skies crying

The sun shimmers through
For only a moment
A glimpse of happiness
In the wake of tears

Saying goodbye is essential for a beginning to start, but my heart sinks as I think of all those I will be leaving behind. Closing a chapter that has been the start of my life, and a lovely start. My heart will remain where I close the door, and sprout flowers that will forever blossom beautiful memories. There’s so much to say but my voice won’t project, for the words I will say will break the heart I intend to leave behind. The only cure to mending this broken heart is the smiles that made it grow. Here's to the class of 2012.

i hate pomes

i hate speeches

i hate cats

i hate dogs

but most of all i hate English

In the future there will be something always watching you. It could be lurking in the closet, under your bed or even right above your face. This thing is the most disgusting, scariest and skinniest thing you will ever lay your eyes on. That thing is vegetable man.   

I take yourlife

When it's time to go.

You give me a scythe,

And my face doesn't show.

When you picture me,

I am a skeleton in a robe.

I do God's dirty work,

Like making a deal

With the Devil.

"Take their souls

And you get to live."

Some fear me,

Some look up to me,

I don't like this line of work.

Taking lives,

Makes so many so sad.

It makes me feel so bad.

Life for eternity

Is so very lonely.

Sometimes, I wish I could die

And join my beloved in afterlife.

I am the Reaper,

Some fear me,

SOme like me,

And one day,

I shall take your life too.

I am a zombie, but the feeling still has not gone away. I still feel the stress on my shoulders and the ache still remains within my chest. I am a zombie. I have an incapability to feel, well, an incapability to feel as much as I should. I'm exhausted and truthfully, I, today, am just going through the motions. It seems as if the only reason I feel any emotion at all is because of the music... it strikes something within me. In this state, with the stress, I feel just a hint of anger, a deadly anger that desperately wants out and yet, with all of this going on, I act calmly. I am perfectly content as I am, but content doesn't always mean what most would think of it as. To me, it means I am not liking this, but I accept it. I am a zombie and I hope someone can bring true emotion back to me. Its sort of wierd to think of things in the grim way I do and I sort of find it funny-the thought that is in my head. Its a terrible thought. Reality doesn't seem real, everything is so calm, its all in my head. In my head, I think I could harm myself and not feel a thing. Just saying that gives me a little twisted smirk, and well if I feel pain again, at least I can feel again. However screwed up that thought is, I truly do not want to try it because I know it will hurt and I don't want to hurt. I am content with the lifless state I am in. It seems as if everything is in my head. I am a zombie, a lifeless being that walks.

      "I AM...I am a liar! I am a model figure! I am a monster! And I am ashamed! Call me the devil! My name's what you cover! But I am ashamed!! I Am Ashamed!!" ~Liars and Monsters by Escape the Fate

Almost everyone has heard this at least one, "what do you see yourself doing in ten years?" Well if i were to be asked this question i would respond with this, in ten years i see myself working as a verterinarian helping animals in need. I would help average household pets like cats and dogs. If a person came into my office with any pet problem i would do whatever i could to help the animal no longer be in pain and i will always choose euthanisation as my last resort and not give up until i have tried everything and if i had to put the animal down I would most likely shed tears along with the owner of the pet. this job would be my passion and something i could do for the rest of my life.

Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things for me, I have thought about it a lot in the past few weeks, being a senior is amazing, but it’s the last year of high school and although I may have plans for the next year its going to be hard to just to everything, since almost everyone in my life today may not always be just across the hall. I can never really say goodbye to the people I have spent the last thirteen years with, it would cause too much heartbreak.
Saying goodbye is all around a hard thing to do, for anyone. So I choose not to. I really don’t think you can truly say goodbye to anyone and mean it. Sooner or later you a memory pops into your head as you’re walking through the park, or driving through town when the song hits you. This makes you think of the people you once said goodbye to, for thoughts you have lost it creates the feeling they are right there next you, the feeling of their presents is always with you, their smell their touch. It never really goes away. So if saying goodbye doesn’t really mean they are going to be erased from everything in my life, then I’ll just keep them there. I choose not to say goodbye.

Goodbye

We had a great run,
some would say it was a lot of fun.
the only trouble,
is that my pain is double.

You gave me light,
and paved my flight.
You have been by my side,
but now you need to let me go down the slide.

It will be hard at first,
but i have the thirst,
for a real life experience.
So here i am saying goodbye.
 

My heart is dancing in my chest, just begging to be released. The roar of the crowd rushes through my ears, almost as fast as the adrenaline racing through my veins. Sweat fills my palms and my hands begin to shake. Expectations and the obligations weigh heavily upon my shoulders. One move can change anything, one false action determines it all. I'm waiting for the whisle to blow, waiting for the game to begin.

The sun's rays are slowly warming my face, and the soft breeze is tousling my hair. I can hear birds sings ther little melodys in the distance, and the sounds of insecets dancing the the grass. I begin to sing in harmony with the beauty nature radiates. The light scent of morning dew lingers in the air, while swifty being carried by the wind through the leaves. This is the scene that fills me with serenity, this is where I am alive.

Thank you for all the days I wasted tip toeing around you
And the nights I spent hiding in my room while you screamed to yourself.
Thank you for the scars on my arm and even more thanks for the ones on my mind
That act as a constant reminder of how messed up my life is.
Thanks for the lack of self esteem and lack of self worth,
For now I constantly seek approval of those I love.
Thank you for teaching me how to doubt myself with every move I make.
I am afraid to be happy and secure because when I let myself feel that way,
Something bad happens to destroy it completely.
I can thank you for showing me that first hand.
Thank you for all the false promises, the disappointments, the pain.
Thanks to you, I’ve learned how worthless a human can really be.

I hope your dreams never come true,
I hope you struggle throughout your whole life,
And I hope you’re as miserable as I was for 18 years of my life with you in it.
I hope you never find happiness
And that you finally realize what you’ve done and regret it every day of your life.
I hope that next time you try to redeem yourself that you get shut down.
Have a nice life, you can thank me later.
 

The time has flown away so fast
Thrown to warp-speed, it wouldn't last
My time is gone, the end is near
There's nothing left to take from here

My journey has come to a close
My song has reached the final notes
With so many songs I've left unsung
With so much more I could have done

But I'm waiting now to take my leave
And start to truly learn to breathe
How to live, and how to fly
And also learning how to die

My life begins to come undone
It's time ends with the setting sun
It kills me to leave it all behind
It makes me want to die inside

It's sad to see the curtain close
But our time is up, so we must go
Out among the world's living things
With all the pain and suffering

Fear is the fire in our hearts
When we begin a brand new start
It tears us down, and builds us up
Tests our defense, and tempers us

Forges skin and bones of steel
Or tears us up, and makes us feel
The fires of a burning world
Steeped in chaos and turmoil

We'll dive, headfirst, into the sea
And strive to get air desperately
But now we wait to see the end
The day we die, and live again

In ten years I won't understand
The way my life was way back when
Right now I stand on the frontlines
Waiting for the battle cry

My journey has come to a close
My song has reached its final notes
But this is not the bitter end
And one day, I shall sing again

Why does the rain fall in perfect pearls?

The subsequent flood, a warning from nature,

The aftermath laid bare in blinding sunlight.

The earth itself shifts,

The air grows jovial,

My very soul lifts,

When we are together.

The bright but limited path stretches before us,

Holds infinite possibilities,

Yet the aftermath of time harbors many unknowns.

I stare into the faceless depths of the future,

A roiling anxiety burns in my stomach,

And I reach out my hand to grab yours,

But you are not there.

Despite the distance of land,

The closeness of our hearts prevails,

And I fearlessly take the first step into a new world.

Saying good bye is hard

No matter who or what you are.

It with tear you up in side

And all you can do is cry.

Every day you’re longing with grow stranger

It will get harder and harder to go on.

You may act like your fine but that will be a lie

Because in reality you just want to die.

        In ten years I will be something that will make my parents proud. I want to be a video game designer sitting in a swanky office coming up with ideas and watching people play them for years and years, but then I think that I want to help people; the sick and the needy, the poor and the hungry. Establishing a charity or maybe I could be an engineer coming up with ideas to power the future.
The point I’m trying to make is I’m eighteen years old; I have some idea as to what I want to do with myself and where I want to be in ten years, but predicting the future and then trying to duplicate what I see in my head is a daunting and near impossible task. I said near impossible so I intend to walk to the stage, up the stairs, and right across and shake the hand of the person holding my diploma. In ten years I want to be the best that I can be, but I also want to like what I do and I want it to support me the rest of my life. So I can just throw the dart at the board and hope I get the right thing; I need time and that is what will help me achieve the dream of that swanky office and having my ideas actually become something on a screen, instead of watching them waste away into nothing in my mind or on the stories I write on paper.
In ten years I will be whatever I put my mind to and in doing so nothing will stop me from reaching my goal.

         Just before that big test, that big game I do the hardest thing for anyone when there that nervous. I don’t stress about it I clear my head and blank out; and as I run, take my final, or answer that last question I use that worry I shoved down and forgot about to give me that extra push through that question or that last mile.

        If I had the power to solve one world problem it would be the economy; I would give countries the money they need to finally balance there books and stopping owing each other trillions of dollars. In doing this many problems could also be solved, with the economy back on track we could find alternate sources of energy before oil runs out in 2050; also a new green movement could in fact fix the damage we have done to our world.
Everything in today’s world is based off of money, without it you have nothing; with it you have everything you could ever want or need so that is why I would rebalance the worlds debt so people who have nothing can once again be cared for and have a roof over their heads and food in there stomachs. The world is a dark place and if I could wipe away all the debt and boost the economy then I would gladly make it brighter.

Pet Talk
One morning about 6am, I go out on our porch.
My dog Charlie is waiting for me with his ball.  I pick it up and throw it, and he will always bring it back to me. 
“Charlie” I say, petting him on the head.  “Don’t you get tired of playing ball?”
“Nope.  I live for the ball.  Throw it again, please.” 
“Whaa-at?”  I look around to see who could have said this.  There was no one around.  Charlie was looking hopefully at me. 
“I must be hearing things, you couldn’t have talked” I said as I threw the ball.  Charlie ran off to get it. He returned with the ball in his mouth, dropped it at my feet. 
I kicked the ball so that it rolled slowly toward him.  He caught it in his mouth, then pushed it with his nose and rolled it towards me.  I gently kicked the ball again.
“This is getting boring; can you throw the ball out to the fence for me so I can run?”
I stared at him puzzled for a moment then threw the ball and went back to sleep,
To this day I never woke up that early.

Unspoken
I didn’t say goodbye, I couldn’t.  We were friends for such a long time, and during that time it seemed like our friendship would never change—we would always share a bond.  We hardly had to speak, we knew what each other was thinking. 
It began very slowly, our growing apart…and now when we talk, it’s about unimportant things, talking the way I would talk to someone I just met on a bus—just sharing a laugh about what’s going on in the moment. 
Now we are both leaving, starting a new life chapter.  To arrange to meet and say goodbye would be awkward and so we don’t.  I silently wish him well, and I hope he hears it.

What do mythical creatures, cult followings, one dimensional love interests, and virtually flawless teenaged girl narrators have in common? For one thing, they’re story elements that make English teachers roll their eyes. For another, they’ve been on a visible takeover of the trashy teen lit section of your local bookstore for the past several years. Books like Twilight, The Vampire Diaries, and  Gossip Girl, all with enough drama and intrigue to eventually  garner television adaptations with young, trendy cast members.
Soap opera style reading with one dimensional, beautiful characters have been around for decades, and are understandably mocked by anyone considering themselves card-carrying members of the more high-brow literary world. These books are lampooned on all forms of social media, and often considered illegitimate as material for school-sanctioned summer reading, or other literature-based assignments.
As thrilling as it is for an avid reader to call out literature they consider unworthy, might we be judging this teen soap-lit too quickly? Sure, these book series are superficial and may not contain the writing complexities of a Bronte novel, but can we dismiss them purely on this qualification? These books might annoy us, but we can’t slam people for reading something because we disagree with the literature; free speech is the father of writing, after all.
In the evolution of new prose genres, every change comes from a rejection of what the intelligentsia considers to be high prose. The beatniks of the fifties surely faced a quick dismissal from older generations and English professors when students began reading Howl instead of Pride and Prejudice. Ralph Waldo Emerson must have at one point been considered smut. Even Shakespeare didn’t immediately fall into favor with the academics when he wrote plays containing crude humor or clandestine story lines. Read more »

Proposing solutions to real world issues is a difficult thing.  The tendency of the writer is to simplify an issue to the point where it no longer represents the full scope of the problem.  However, pragmatism be darned, I say! Let’s see if there’s anything the global community can do to curb, if not eradicate, needless wars and violence.   
In this particular instance I am referring to the senseless violence and mindless aggression of one government or group of people against another, similar, group of people.  Take, for instance, the proxy wars which occurred in conjunction with the Cold War.  Had the CIA not begun toppling dictators and even democratic rulers like dominoes (pun intended), America would have had no reason to become involved in either of the major “Police Actions” which resulted in some of the largest losses of American life since WWII.  Violence such as these largely meaningless wars could have been avoided, but was not.  Instead, America chose to reach out overseas, end a few peaceful if unfriendly relationships between peoples of foreign countries and then invade said countries in the name of democracy.  Senseless violence, that is, violence for which there were other peaceful alternatives, plagues not only our nation’s history but the world as well.  Read more »

If I had the power to solve one problem in the world I would get together a team of engineer scientists to help design and build a vehicle engine that runs on hydrogen and in doing so eliminate a huge portion of the worlds fossil fuel use and help dramatically reduce the output of greenhouse gasses since the output of the hydrogen engine would be simple water.