angsty

The clouds dip into my thoughts like you do once a day, trickling in like raindrops in our oh-so frequent rainstorms.  You are at the door, peering in---mostly into my heart, where letters of your name have cozied themselves up within the chambers.  And you are the stars on a winter night, light that dances down in non-clichés and makes its way to my muddy-brown eyes.  When the water crashes upon the shore, you are the glimmer between the rise and fall.  When the sun has settled into its cove, you are the city that emulates Northern Lights on late June evenings.  

Once I used to believe in love, know love, be in love---but this is an illusion, in itself, that preys on the naïve, much like the endless sea.  I am worn out from predators and bruised from the tossing of the water, yet I find myself crawling to where I used to be.  And now I stand on an island surrounded by freshwaters, waters that have immersed the idea of happiness all throughout---borne with alleviating powers.  

I am bad at these letters---in the sense that I use superficial imagery to conceal raw emotions.  I use twists & turns & colors to shade over lightly-written, penciled-in words.  But I see these shades to symbolize fear---fear of the past, fear of the present, fear of the future---fear of pain, fear of shattered hearts, fear of promises.  I see this as a fear of illusionistic love--a fear of being fooled by its cruel fate.  Most of all, this is a fear of you and your heart and who you are---- Read more »

he spins a bottle

while piercing her eyes Read more »

i. I'm immune to indian-sunburns.

I keep passing between phases of numbness. Times when I can't feel emotions, when the only thing I'm capable of is lying in bed with my headphones blasting now indecipherable music loud enough to drown out the defening silence that presses me down with more force than gravity. Times when I feel like I could be asleep, but then I open my eyes and remember that I wasn't dreaming. Read more »

And no sir, I am not doing the best I can. Clearly. You and I both know that I've stopped trying. But you wanted to believe in me. You wanted to pretend like I can just have it all under control. You wanted to see if by leaving me on my own, I'd just morph into the responsible adult that we all know I'm going to have to be. Fuck it. Leave me on my own anyway. Read more »

What the fuck are you trying to do to me, dear?
What am I doing to you?

What are we doing?

I don't want to be stuck in this in between phase anymore. I want us to be something. We'd be amazing, you and I. This I know. I think you know it, too.

Would you care to do me a favor, love?

Would you like to make my day?

Just show up. Come. Grace me with your presence. That's all I ask. No, I'll ask a little more. (I'm feeling selfish.) I want you to take me. Hold me in your arms. Tickle my ears with graceful whispers. Let me know you mean what you say. Read more »

OKay, I wrote this on the bus on the way home from the VMEA festival. So pardon the roughness of it. Tell me what you think, please. It's inspired by the music video for a song called Amaranth by Nightwish. I'll link it here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdZn7k5rZLQ&feature=related Read more »