Photo #4

Unlucky,

the way she has felt for years.

So why shouldn't she keep the umbrella open?

Maybe a bad luck omen would turn to a good one

and her luck would change.

Maybe she would be happier 

if her luck changed.

Tired,

no sleep for days on end

her eyes become too heavy for her,

she has to close them.

Maybe for just a moment.

The dreams would come onto her.

The wonderful dreams about wonderful things,

and she would be happy.

As she closes her eyes

and allows the wonderful dreams to envelope her,

her red umbrella tilts away from her.

To no longer hold back the rain in her life,

but to allow the sun in.

I try to rip them off carelessly,
My new black stilettos with the long thin heel…
Broken.

Tears cover my eyes like a thin blanket.
And I’m running while my vision’s…
Broken.

Tripping on the curb, I fall down,
Hitting the cement hard, my fall…
Broken.

The rain thunders down on me,
And the last pieces of faith and hope I had in love are…
Broken.

What does she have that I don’t?
I can’t tear my mind away from that, my thoughts…
Broken.

I thought he was the one that would care and be loyal,
But I was way off, and now all my trust is…
Broken.

He was supposed to be my Prince charming and save me,
But from people like him…those were my dreams, that are now…
Broken.

My whole body is aching from the pain and emotion,
Worst is the feeling of sadness and betrayal filling my heart…
Broken.

I want to go home to comfort,
But I can’t move, I’m frozen in time, the clock’s…
Broken.

Everything in my life is…
Broken.

She runs and runs,
She keeps running,
Trying to escape the darkness in her life,
She gives up and falls to the ground,
The only thing left in her life
That meant anything,
She grips tight to it,
Her
Red umbrella.
Her mother’s umbrella,
Her mother was the only one
Who cared about her,
And now she’s gone,
Forever.
She is weak from the pain,
The pain in her heart,
She rolls off the curb,
And lays in the road,
She curls up in a ball,
Like she did when she was younger,
The rain starts to fall,
Covering her beautiful face,
Soaking her gorgeous, strapless, black dress,
She has been so strong,
Through the mother’s treatment,
She was getting better,
So why did she have to go?
So many thoughts and feelings
Went through her mind.
Loneliness,
She felt alone in the world,
Hatred,
She hated the cancer that took her mother’s life.
Then she finally felt
The weakness coming on,
She could not even move,
She could not even cry any more,
It hurt to breathe.
She knew she had to go back,
She pushed herself off the ground,
Tucked the red umbrella under her arm,
And forced herself back to the funeral home,
To say…
Good Bye.

    She lied down in the road
Back against the curb
In a mesmerizing black dress
With thin black nylons stretched over hes legs
The only thing with color
Was the red umbrella in her hand
That once belonged to her dead husband
Her faced was soaked
With tears streaming down her face
Memories that were flooding back
Were too much
She broke down
Right there in the road
She was just dumped there
After the funeral
Left to slumber in her own guilt
Dumped by her own family
Too disgraced by her
By the murder
By her becoming free
By her killing her husband to escape
Escape from the abuse
From the injuries
From her kids’ injuries
She loved him
She always loved him
But he had changed
Changed into a monster
She was afraid
The kids were afraid
She had to save them
Save herself
She shot him
Killed him
Murdered him
Now just lying there
She remembered the good times 
The fun times
And there she cried
And thought
Thought about her kids
And how they would be
Without their dad
Knowing
Their mom killed him
How her parents
Could possibly hate her
Hate her for stopping the abuse
The abuse to their only daughter
Let alone their grandkids
She was alone
All alone in the road
She could die right there
And solve everyone’s trouble
But she couldn’t leave her kids behind
Not now not ever
She rose from the street and
Walked, walked to her house
There she sat by the blood stained carpet
Crying
There she stayed
And there she sat
Alone Read more »

Red

I'm seeing red.

Anger subsides to sorrow.

Behind my well-manicured nails and perfect hair

I am weak.

Red.

The color of love.

This is what love brought me.

Anger. Then sorrow.

I am hurt.

Red

I cling to my umbrella

hoping it will protect me from the shower of tears

that will soon overwhelm me.

I am tired.

Red

My color.

My doom.

My revenge.

I am strong.

I was glad it was raining
Then they couldn’t tell
I had a river of tears
Flowing down my little pink cheeks
The pain stabbed my heart
That I couldn’t bear
I fell onto that freezing wet tar
People were staring at this scene I was creating
Nobody stopped to see if I was ok
I thought I was important in some people’s eyes
And this night I was proven wrong
Even if you love someone they might not love you back
Your heart can be broken
Even if you don’t intend on breaking someone else’s
I thought our relationship was unbreakable
Until that night
It fell apart
That other girl
Just the sight of her
Makes me sick
For when she’s with him
I know he has moved on
And isn’t coming back
That rain, was my cover
To show my real feelings
For him, to the world
He’s gone
And I’m stuck lying on the curb
With my other half disappearing

It is the end
My performance is over
All my practice has lead up to
this one moment
My moment to fall or fly
All the tyrannical classes,
Over…
Maybe

The ground is wet from the finale,
The impossible finale
My movements were fluid,
A mirror to the rain
My shoes created the harmony
That played into the water’s melody

My surroundings are black,
I am blackened.
My umbrella the only color
In a dreary ocean of black
Every moment in my life,
Every hug and kiss,
Every pirouette,
Every word,
Every scab,
Has given me this chance
A chance for change,
A chance for fame

A clap
A single sound to break the silence
And suddenly,
Every breath lets go
The room erupts with applause
Whistles shimmy up to the stage
The flowers once hidden,
Rain, rain down on me
It is now my time,
My time for euphoria.
I now must stand up
And take it all in

They love it!
I have won the war inside
I will make it
I have succeeded,
Exceeded my dreams
They love it
And I know my happiness will grow
Along with the pain that is needed
To make my dream true
The pain of cuts and blisters
Are nothing,
Nothing I am willing to live with
For the sake of my dream

Lying there,
right in that,
Same spot.
That spot where,
he took his last
Breath.
The spot where I saw,
The world stop,
right before my eyes.
Lying there,
With nothing,
but my red umbrella,
and the rain,
pouring down on me,
as if I were the one,
who did wrong.
With the rain soaking,
Right into my clothes.
Taking no effort,
To stop it.
Just laying there,
And thinking,
of all those memories.
All those special times,
We had spent together.
How worried I had been,
That night,
sitting there,
on my bed.
Waiting for him come home.
Then getting that call.
Worried to death,
As I drove to the hospital.
Getting there and seeing,
All of the nurses,
Standing around him.
Faces looking serious,
And scared at the same.
they had asked me,
To leave the room,
I knew it wasn’t going to be good.
the doctor came out,
And told me the news.
Told me that he was gone.
Gone forever,
All I could do was,
Go home and cry.
How will I ever survive?
And then I knew,
The only way,
To visit that same place,
Where he took his last breathe.
Just lay there and cry,
In the rain.

I was always surrounded by alcohol
One day I will pay the price
For my mistake
I would stroll among the sidewalks
Clearing my head
I wanted to give up
Everything I had
Done being abused
Done with the depression
Alcohol has taken over
I stumbled into the road
One step in
The Last sound
Was the tires screeching
I felt the pain for only a second
Next I knew
I was laying there in the rain
I was drenched and suffering
Knowing that I won’t survive
I lay in silence
A heartless soul took my life
How did they not see me
With the red umbrella
Clutched in my hand?

Standing in the rain,
Waiting for a ride,
Blood red hovers,
Dry on the inside,
 

Matte black dress,
Pale white skin,
Colorless background,
Holds sadness within,
 

Feeling so down,
Kind of like the rain,
Pouring wind,
Whipping pain,
 

But the blood red,
Ain’t as deep as the inside
Covered by the hover,
The sadness slowly died
 

There once was a woman who lived in Nantucket
When she happened upon a small silver bucket,
In which, a red umbrella was stuck-it

So she plucked it from,
Discovered ‘twas worth a sum
And questioned, “Should I keep it, or chuck it?”

Inside the water runs through pipes, down sinks, in the skin of the people
But outside? The water runs through the streets, the rivers, through the soles of every person’s sneakers.
When you step outside to the drenched, spherical world you can do nothing to avoid the water’s touch
It is everywhere, though sometimes it doesn’t seem that way
When you step outside to go for a romantic walk with a lover, the rain drizzling down around you,
You take an umbrella, to shield you, to protect you from something that seems harmless, but really is a powerful force
When you’re on that walk that umbrella is what unites you, you and your lover, you and the rain
But when you step outside with your umbrella, and the sun is shining, the air crisp and dry, you are alone
No water pouring from the sky, no hand to interlace your fingers with
You step inside and fall to your knees, loosing all control of yourself, hurt and with nobody around to keep you company

I look down at my sister,
Her usual happy large eyes are closed.
I had never really thought about her eyes that way until now,
when I see her sprawled on the cold pavement.
The war is not yet over, but her life is.
I reach down to stroke her short blonde hair.
Streaks of blood spread across my hand.
She had been shot in the head.
I had always thought of my sister as annoying and evil.
But now seeing her dead, made me realize; she was so innocent and kind,
why did it have to be her who got shot?
Many people have got shot in this war, many of them were innocent,like she was.
Her ghostly white hands hold a bright red umbrella,
her favorite umbrella, the one I got her for her last birthday.
When I look back at my life, while she was still here,
all of my good memories involved her.
You can never really miss something until it’s gone.
And frequently you don’t know all the good things you have in your life, until they’re gone.
I never really got to tell my sister how I really felt about her,
and now I never will be able to.

Until then, she had been moonlight, living in

monochramy, everything translated to

black and white.

Until then, she had been devil-may care, taking life

as it came, stringing pearls

along life; creating a beaded 

mosaic of duldrum, of

despair.

The light streamed from a silver

sky, the day she looked up and saw

a flash of neither-black-nor-white

neither-here-nor-there

nothingness given

shape and color and she shielded her eyes against the

vibrancy of

red, of color, of something outside of the world and yet

closer to reality than the

pearly moon-face.

It drifted lower, taking

shape and definition, and

before then she was moonlight, but as the

umbrella fell, she found herself

falling back into 

sun and sleep and hope and

somehow, somehow,

the avalance was stopped

by the tiny stone that

set the boulders rolling

Dreaming of Rockefeller Plaza
The lights, stilettos, and sequins
Musical battle of shoes against orchestra

Filling with hope of making it big
Dancing and humming through the streets

Clickity-clacking on cement
Tapping away, flaunting jazz hands
Big white smile incased in red

Sloshing and sliding through puddles of rain
Downpour falling unnoticed before
Until…
…
Her foot misses,
And she falls on her ankle
In a moment everything is shattered,
Her ankle, her dream.

 Black and white
Is all I see then?
I look closer
And see
A girl lying down
in the road
drenched
the red umbrella
sits above her head
almost protecting her
from the road that lays beyond
this still and calm girl
I wonder
Why is she there?
All alone
Is she hurt
Or dead?
Did a car hit her?
All I can do is wonder
These thoughts run though
My mind as I look
at this picture
I will never know
What happened
To her
The pain of seeing this girl
Lying there
Not moving
      

Eyes-closed I lay with my old umbrella,
reminiscing on the memories that I didn't want to remember.
It's killing me.
I observed the room before me.
Empty.
Everything was dull, the only bit of color was radiating from the umbrella.
The umbrella that my dear mother gave me before she lost her battle.
Tears flooded my eyes as water flooded the sky.

The sky was crying too.
I could hold the rain back with my umbrella
but my tears,
those you can't refrain.
Not even with the red umbrella. 
From her.

Close your eyes
think of nothing
just wait until your heart heals
and you'll feel nothing.

How did I end up here?
How did my days become so, dark.
I hid my face from no one.
But at the end I was fine
with my umbrella I was safe
I just let the muffled sorrow away.
Slowly my eyes started closing again,
my body's way of telling I had plenty today
or my mom telling me everything was okay.

Then, the grief gave up and I fell into a dreamless sleep...

"Goodnight angel" 
 

I am drifting,

Drifting away,

On a sea of torrents,

Searching.

I am dreaming,

Dreaming the world,

On the way to the future,

Changing.

I am gazing,

Gazing at your wonderment and beauty,

On the ride of a lifetime,

Living

Alone. A pool of dark water.

Pain. A shadow of the past.

Sorrow. The loss of a daughter.

Grey. A tear that will ever last.

Birthday. The big red shield.

Umbrella. The little girl’s gift.

Mirror. A reflection she concealed.

Eyes. The ones she could not lift.

Room. One of metal so cold.

Memory. That she had rid.

Hurt. Still it was yet untold.

Heart. That yet she hid.

I'm standing here.

My tears could fill the silence,

I'm sure.

My sweet, simplistic protection.

Perfection.

Umbrella.

The rain would never hurt me,

the way your angry words did.

My pride won't let me

touch

my memories of you.

Umbrella.

I'm drowning in my own mind.

The rain

understands,

in ways you never did.

Never could.

I tried

to put my hands up

in a surrender.

Brace myself

against the inevitability

of it all.

Umbrella.

My tears come crashing down,
Surrounding the world with my sorrow.
Trying to hide them,
From tomorrow.

With everything crashing down,
Suffocating my whole world.
Questioning my existence,
I lay here in this storm of tears.

Trying to hide from my pain,
I cover my sorrow with an umbrella.
With it’s redness, oh so bright,
I want to see the sunlight

Arlington Memorial High School

one day i met this old man,

he lived by the docks,

he ate beans from a can.

i was walking home when i got caught in the rain,

this old man stopped me,

and spoke tales about pain.

there was this woman,

all dressed in black,

the only thing she said was she couldnt turn back.

the blank look on her face,

what ever is stopping her,

has stopped her pace.

this man said,"wait young fella,"

put his hand on my shoulder,

and said,"the only shelter was her big red umbrella."

They call him “the hit and run”
He is sleazy and cold
And beginning to grow old
He has a method to picking his victims
She is young
And shows a smile saying she’s had some fun.
He hides on the corner just around the deep alley
He steals her money and hits her with a rod
I swear this guy is a fraud
Tonight’s prey is dressed for the occasion
She wears a black feather dress
Not hiding much of her chest
Her blood red umbrella is the target for a scarlet night
He fair skin is the perfect contrast
He knows he’ll have to be fast
She holds the rain shield with one hand
With his weapon he nails her in the side
She shrieks and cringes those who heard think someone must have died
He snatches her black velvet handbag
As he slams here again she falls to the ground
Where help is nowhere to be found
 

Cold, dark, lonely.

On a sidewalk by the party,

Where sounds seemed so distant,

As though there was someone tardy.

No one seemed to care,

No one saw here leave,

Not many saw her come,

While few of them achieved.

Hurt. Ripping. Ouch.

Her heart felt like it was gone;

His smile still lingering in her mind,

As she silently cried on.

She didn’t care

About her dress,

And didn’t care about

Her appearance being a mess.

Confusion. Wetness. Makeup

Spilling across her head,

As her pretty, young figure

Laid there like it was dead.

Her high heel was broken

As her bruises from the fall

Started to transform

Into big blotches on such a doll.

The umbrella was there

To keep her from the rain,

But she didn’t care:

Moving would be a strain.

She didn’t care about

The minor injuries she had,

She was too busy thinking

Of the one who left her sad.

Nobody noticed.

The self-guilt, the neglect,

She was filled deep within

Of crimes she never committed,

Of sins she never sinned.

Next morning she was gone,

No life signals or trace,

As her suicide was replayed 

on the news and police case.

Why did this happen?

Why to her? Read more »

Collapsed on the rain soaked pavement
A young lady cries
Dressed in all black
As if attending a funeral

The rain has mixed with
Saltwater tears
Her tears have become the
Tormented rain

The only color in the scene
A violent red parasol
The umbrella that once represented
Innocent memories

Those memories have been stained
Scarlet with guilt
In the lonely world
Drenched in black and white

And the only sound
In this Monochrome world:

Is the steady downpour of rain
And the promise

The whisper

Of glorifying death...
 

Astounding
isn't it,
that when you feel sadness,
heartbreak
all the joy
color
is sucked out of the world
and the sky suddenly seems to fit your mood.

You didn't think much of it,
when you stepped outside in the morning
and had to turn back to grab your umbrella.
That red one,
a gift from you best friend on the day he moved away,
a private joke that only you shared.

You only thought
that it would be the most wonderful day.
You thought that you would receive that ring,
after all
it was your birthday,
and you had been dating for three years,
and he did say that he loved you.

You never thought
that when you arrived at the fountain
where he promised to meet you after work
five minutes early so you could surprise him
that you would find him kissing another.
A girl who was different in every way possible from you
blond hair,
blue eyes.
Not the brown hair
brown eyes that you sport.

He said he loved you,
that you were the most beautiful woman
in the world,
he never mentioned another girl.
And that is when the gray sky
that made you grab for the umbrella
for caution,
opens up.

Rain drizzles down,
mixing with the salty tears
that have begun to flow down you cheeks.
And when the clouds have used up all their tears
you somehow find yourself lying in the soft grass behind you house.
Not your apartment,
your childhood house,
the one an hour away,
the one where you used to play with him.
Your parents still live there,
though are out of town for the month
and the house next door is the same
as it was when you practically lived there. Read more »

So there she lies on the floor
Crumpled in a heap
There she’s been a few long days
Not even making a peep

It all started a week ago
When she inherited the old umbrella
It was willed to her from a family member
Her favorite dear aunt Stella

The umbrella appeared normal enough
White and as plain as could be
It came with a letter attached reading
“Be careful where you open me”

Now, everyone’s heard the old superstition
Bad luck from opening umbrellas indoors
And it happened to be that exact event
That brought the poor girl to the floor

One normal day she was fooling around
The old umbrella in hand
She opened it up and what happened next
No one could understand

She opened it up and froze on spot
Motionless from head to toe
It slowly changed from white to red
Draining the color from her soul

Now we come to the end of the story
The poor girl’s still lying on the floor
Now she lives a black-and-white life
Color in her soul no more

Leaving Not a Trace

Living for nothing
Soaking in regret
Dancing in misery
Praying to a devil within

Dying without hope
Seeking in darkness
Falling beyond reach
Laying without love

Breathing for a future
Humming on drugs
Selling all she owns
Breaking her heart of stone

Searching for light
Finding no love
Feeling an unforgiving force
Staying from lack of energy

Hating as a mindset
Loving without return
Facing each fear
Hanging on to thin air

Reaching for faith
Singing a sad song
Holding a life within
Beating a monster

Clenching solid fists
Fighting demons of blood
Trying to break free
Saving anything in reach

Helping the demon survive
Playing with death
Hiding from hope
Dealing with too much

Solving no problems
Handling it all wrong
Weeping for a lost soul
Frowning becomes emotion

Cutting to feel something
Staying for innocent hands
Changing for soft heartbeats
Loosing to the demon

Paying with all she has
Crying into a stormy night
Cradling the child’s future
Writing notes of surrender

Rolling in broken glass
Smoking the relentless follower
Destructing all relationships
Leaving not a trace behind.
 

I watch as my feet hit the ground.

One after the other,

Slapping the pavement in time with the beating of my heart.

Fast.

Rapid.

The color drains from my face,

Though the tears rolling down 

My pale cheeks should turn my face

A shade of soft red. 

My black short black dress hugs my 

Frail frame,

And I cradle myself in my own arms,

Hoping to maybe catch a moment

Of warmth in this everlasting cold and harsh

World. 

I watch the rain drops hit the ground,

Rushing with my tears,

Plastering my long brown hair on my 

Shoulders.

The cold tears from the heavens 

Send chills up and down my spine.

My lips tremble, and I push on through the storm,

Praying that it will end.

But against all hope,

It drenches my soul,

And the tears just keep on coming.

And my dark eyeliner runs down my cheeks 

Along with the salty water of my tears.

I close my eyes and reach for something, anything,

That might keep me from drowning myself

In tears and in the rain pounding on my skin.

I walk through the darkness,

My hands grasping the frigid rain,

Waiting for something to make its way into my

Frozen hands.

Fatigue takes over,

And I collapse,

Slamming into the pavement,

Taking short, shaking breaths.

I close my eyes and dream of color.

I dream of a place far away from this grey, unbearable place.

I feel my fingers wrap around a handle.

I watch as rain drops patter on the red umbrella I clutch,

Smiling, relieved for warmth.

Relieved for color Read more »

With almost sleep I lay,

Never again to see day,

On a cold polished floor

Near a solid metal door,

I shall not lose hope.

They took me in the night,

I tried to put up a fight,

They tried to take it away

And wouldn't give me a say

In my fate.

I took it back.

It is my only consolation

In this horrible desolation,

Though I cannot escape,

It helps me keep my shape

And never give in.

The umbrella, it is mine

with it, I will be fine

We've been together

Through all kinds of weather

Now is a true test of hope.

We will continue 

And we will

live to see

The World

Again.