typical-lonely-girl ranty thing. I saved it all up.

i have people

stored up in side of me like

things i keep little glass cases, or in pockets and hidden places

but never take out, like a series of

just-in-cases

& sometimes i'll take them out to look at their faces

& they're nice faces, kind or beautiful or both, but

but none of them are here

& none of them are holding me like someone who needs to be held, not like someone

that it might be fun to hold

& none of them are real,

really

but you know, they all hurt.

i have people

lined up in my heart in neat little rows

& columns and no one can see it but the

columns i stand on are shivering

like cold and breaking bones

i have people who i suppose i might want

one day, if all the rest of them weren't there, too, looking on

from the bowels of my soul like bitter ghosts

although, of course, they aren't bitter because they don't know they could be

i have people i love

& people i have loved

& people in between

& people i have known & might have loved, or 

wanted to love, or just wanted to be loved

by—

i have them stored up like apples for winter, like

lifeboats on a ship that may or may not be broken, but that i don't want to seem

paranoid enough to check.

i have them all inside of me & god it hurts, Read more »