Did you know that time burns,
And every stormy day ends in a brilliant sunset?
But I’m finding it ever harder to appreciate
Time exploding in the sky tonight
Because you left like they always do
And I know it’s what you had to do
But gagging on the dust you left behind
Is mildly unpleasant
And when I say mildly,
That’s giving it to you softly
Because in all honesty
I don’t know how to feel
Should I be mad that I wasn’t good enough
To make you stick around another day,
Or glad that you were smart enough
To get out while you still could?
And all the while I’ve still got demons
Biting at my ankles
And gnawing at my bones until they break
It’s my mistake that I didn’t follow you out
And I don’t wish you had stayed
I wish I could have gone too
But would that make me your demon?
Would that make me another burden?
I’ve been trying to wrap my head
Around this train of thought
But I always seem to get run over
And our time has burned up so quickly
And I guess that’s partially my fault
And I guess I should have seen this coming
But the sun is about to set on my wishful thinking
And If I keep digging at this itch
That tells me things could be different
I’ll lose an arm or a leg
So that moment is but embers in a fire pit
And the sun is just grasping at the horizon
And you’re gone
I just want to tell you I’m sorry
Because I cant stand looking at the sunset
It’s almost too forgiving
With the purple fading into orange and red
Why do I deserve to see
Something so majestic?
I can’t believe I let that go
None of you will ever know
How I want to undo it
What I’d do to just relive that
I can’t believe I tasted heaven
I can’t believe I held stars in my hands
And let them go
I once held the majesty of the universe
Behind my weary eyes
And I lost it there
And I don’t know where
I can start to fix this
To make up for every little thing that I lost
To get it back
To repair everything that I’ve broken
And that usually seems daunting
And always feels impossible
To climb out of this chasm
To chase away the demons
To fight for what I believed in
How do I stand against
The tides that try to drown me?
For I have a lot apologies to make
And they’re stuck inside my throat
Holding back my rasping voice again when I
Just want you to know that I’m sorry
When I first met you, I disapproved
You were cocky, loud and unrefined
But I should have known I’d misjudged
Because every sarcastic bone in your body
Is sincere in its core
Every bit of wit and wisdom
Was built from blood, sweat and tears
Every face was your friend
Every friend was your fan
And you live like your heart was on fire
But I left and you moved on
And you’re in the wind
And I’m on the floor
With nothing left to my name
Except a short lived adventure
And for a moment I travelled the stars
For a moment I walked on the sun
And felt the flames burn up my soul
And I wish I could still live like that
I miss the feeling of being dragged along
And blundering into excitement
And wondering what we could do
Dreaming of the worlds we’d conquer
But now it’s over, and this is my last goodbye
You probably wont hear it
You probably will never know
How much I admire you
How I aspire to you
It’s unlikely I’ll meet you again
Or anything close to that
And now I’m alone on the street corner
Waiting to be taken on another adventure
*WARNING - This piece contains my religious veiws. I don't mean anyone any disrespect with these words these are just my personal veiws on life. Carry on.
I would like to formally inform you
That this is my letter of resignation
Once I thought you were listening
Once I thought you were caring
Once I thought you were real
Once upon a time maybe
In a better world far away from here
But you’ve stood me up one to many times
And you let me down too often
So I can’t let this go anymore
I should have said this long ago
But it’s hard to form the words that show
That I’ve finally had enough
I’d rather burn in hell
Than have blind faith
And I won’t wait
Another nineteen years
For you’re answers
You’re on an extended vacation
And too busy to answer my calls
And I’ve been watching the world
Spin out of control
For too long
And when I look at the world through my window
When I look at myself in the mirror
I can’t believe that you listen
I can’t see that you care
And I don’t understand how you’re real
And I’m sorry, doc
But every day I wake up in pain
Every day I wonder why I’m alive
Every day I question the judgment
Of the forces that brought me here
And I’m terribly sorry to say
That we are never ever getting back together
Inhale the rainforest
exhale a sandstorm.
I must have a color deficiency,
a malfunctioning organ that sucks the vivacity
from the landscape.
Maybe I should drink paint and fill myself with color:
lilac fingertips and vermillion bones.
Maybe then I would feel quenched.
I have drunk a lake and slept for a week and eaten a feast
to put forth nothing but infection and scraped knees
and shadows beneath my desperate eyes.
The acupuncturist dabbed scent on my sternum,
told me to breathe it in with my skin.
I thought of my pores gasping for air
like fish on a beach
and how breathing is overrated anyway.
She held my pulse in her hands and listened
to how faint it was, how fragile I really am
beneath strong hips and tough words.
She prescribed me forced relaxation and bitter pills.
I am not a Free and Easy Wanderer, I’m sorry.
I’m choking on the paint bleeding from my lips,
I am a gory canvas with a smile that I save
for the people who worry about me.
I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.
I drink water to keep the blue in my eyes from pooling away;
I drink paint to feel like I’m still alive.
so here i am again sittting still while you,
you swerve and dodge madly in front of me and i could maybe raise
one eyebrow and say, "Where are you going?" in a sarcastic, slightly patronizing,
what-the-hell-do-you-think-you're-doing tone of voice but maybe i shouldn't.
here i am sitting still and trying very hard not to become
the bad-guy here, trying very hard not to be angry so that your ridiculousness
will be all your fault, and wondering why i should bother because you're going to be
all weird-and-rushed-and-scared-of-me no matter what i do.
i am sitting here still
and watching you shrink. it is difficult
to tower when your confidence is crawling next to my foot
& i could stomp it with no effort at all, even if i won't.
so here i am sitting still across the desk from your insecurities that came to call
and kind of finally kind of telling them that they're not my problem anymore,
or shouldn't be. how can you be sorry for anything
if you keep on doing it?
here i am sitting & fidgeting and trying to throw you a what-the-f*ck-is-going-on
sort of expression but not wanting to come across as too agressive but knowing it won't matter anyway but trying again to think of something that might help
but coming up empty.
here i am standing awkwardly while you
teeter/totter/sort of try to be nice and i try not to look
too damn confused but know i'm failing and i know what is going on
& now you're leaving the room with nothing resolved because i'm just that scary.
I won't try to present
myself in metaphor,
because I have no metaphors left for
Is that what makes a challenge:
Influx and pull-away,
and clumping off like
refusing to unify?
Maybe I'm born to
to section off
the lumpen aspects,
and collect them in a sieve
through which the meaning can flow,
siphoned out like
He was wrong; I'm not like
him; I'm a gatherer,
while he hunted
baby doves for sport.
Warring aspects don't become me.
I ask you, collect my selves:
I'm sick of being fractioned.
Dorothy doesn't know who I am.
I can't tell you how many times I've been reminded. I wouldn't be able to count them all. I've been told directly since I was young- eleven, maybe twelve- and was given more detail around freshman year.
My mother would kneel in front of me before we went into her house across from the cemetery where Calvin Coolidge is buried and whisper, "Remember to be patient."
And I always would.
She would sit on the porch when we came- we live a whiles away from the Red House, as mom calls it- and watch the sunset. It's always a beautiful sunset. The pines and birches frame the bottoms of the purple-orange clouds that come with the spring showers and fall storms. I've never been to that house in the winter- the Red House is stuck in summer in my head.
She would sit on a homemade and hand-painted bench and talk.
"Living alone is such a bore. Do you live alone?"
"No, gram." Read more »
The quarter is ending tomorrow. The third quarter is ending tomorrow!
After tomorrow, no more health class.
No more March.
It doesn't seem right. The past three quarters have gone by way too quickly. And they've been so good. And I don't want them to end. And-and-
It's been a year.
I think that I can officially say that it's been a year.
I will admit, sometimes the days are hard to get through. Some days are just so hard to get through.
But I cope. I do alright.
If something is not quite the way it should be...
I've changed. I've grown. I have heroes. I have love. I have urges to jump up and give a giant hug to everyone who walks into the classroom. I have joy.
Lately the days have been getting harder and harder for me. Just like last year.
Yes, I can cope now.
(I think.) Read more »
Has been the worst,
Most depressing day
I got up,
My cell phone was missing.
My brother had a tantrum,
And ate my Easter candy.
I had a test in my first class,
And I am sure I missed questions,
I had to memorize a French poem
In less than 3 hours,
While still paying attention
In most of my classes,
I didn’t catch any crawdads
AGAIN! Read more »
Please Ignore This
Ok, I warned you. If you didn’t ignore this, as I so nicely and politely asked, then you are in for the BIGGEST spazz attack of your life. *it might be entertaining…* This blog is just me rejoicing after finally making my decision on if I will go to the party where the guy I really like will be at a cabin by the lake, or if I’m gonna see Michael Buble.
OMG!!!! Read more »
I walk forward,
Hatchet in hand.
My unsuspecting prey,
Doesn’t hear my every foot step,
Or My heavy,
Pain filled breathing.
Even with steal-toes boots,
Just so when it’s dead,
I can stomp,
And jump on it
To rid myself of the rest of my anguish.
I must get rid of the one thing causing me
So much pain.
I must destroy my computer,
The one thing
Separating me from the world, Read more »
Ok, I had a poem here, but I don't think it would be good because I was just venting about something.... I just had a bad day today, and I don't feel like insulting the population, so I erased it... Sorry... here is a poem to make up for it.
Roses are red,
and sometimes pink,
I love the world,
so here is a wink. ^_- *a wink*