Group book

Chelsey

Last time, I was going to the movies with him. That was possibly the happiest night in my life.
Now, I'm looking for a way to make time stop. Grab the second hand and pull, make it stop it's tick, it's tock.
Do we deserve this? This separation that he probably wanted anyway?
Okay, then.
Do I deserve this.
Probably...

Chelsey

Now that it's over, I wonder if it'll really happen after all.

That didn't make sense, unless you're me.

But it does tie into the whole, "Each end is simply a new beginning," thing.

Right...

Chelsey

I want him. A lot.

And that sounds... wrong. But I don't mean it in a bad way.

How's this? I want to talk to him, to get to know him.

Is that too much to ask?

Probably.

Chelsey

I can't write today.

At all.

But I do think that my life would make a perfect child soap opera.

And, coincidentally, I hate soap operas.

Chelsey

I'm confused. I like him, but I'm afraid to tell him, I'd be crossing too many lines, the circumstances might change if I ask an insider because I'm from the outside, or because I'm the girl and he doesn't really care.

You don't really want to hear the rest, because I'm just complaining again.

*Shuts mouth and holds breath*.

Chelsey

She was actually comparing herself to a chunk of gravel that people kick around.

I hope she doesn't feel like that... I don't think anyone would ever view her as anything but amazing.

Why do we even have this arguement?

Chelsey

Let's use incredibly short poem form, shall we?

I could say the words
To make you mine
But I think you don't want me
To cross the lines.

Chelsey

Here's a list that no one cares about:
1) Too much homework to list
2) Figure out whether I really want to say those words
3) Find inspiration for a new poem
4) Walk outside because these walls are not keeping them out, they're holding me in.

Did you get that?

Chelsey

She actually thinks that by confiding in me, she'd be putting weight on my shoulders. Wow. If there's any weight I should feel, it's hers.

How did this get so messed up?

Chelsey

All three of them tell me I'm not a jerk.

I know they wouldn't lie to me, but...

I don't think they're right this time.

Chelsey

I feel better to finally have hope again. I thought that I couldn't ever like someone, that no one would like me. Finally, finally, I actually like someone again. It's relieving, actually.

Now the problem is, after two months, I'll never see him again. On top of that, he has absolutely no reason to like me.

Hmm. Well... I can always pretend.

Chelsey

Well.

I hate being sick. Things are too loud, too painful, too much.

On top of that, you have to attempt to deal with everyday life. I would've left so much earlier if I didn't have that history test that I probably failed.

Oh well. It's behind me.

Too bad my memory doesn't think that way.

Chelsey

Why won't she do it?

Actually, I think I know the answer.

Fear.

Someday, I think she'll confront those fears.

I just hope it's soon.

Chelsey

You know how people always ask you how you're doing?

Whenever I'm upset, no one asks me that, because they know that they don't want to know the answer.

We just want the happy stuff.

Well, reality check. This world isn't always happy, because we make it that way. That means that we need to either fix that, or learn to live with it.

I am such a hypocrite.

Chelsey

"Any specific reason?"

"Umm, not really..."

"Oh, okay. Told you it was random"

"Yeah, it just sorta makes me feel like a jerk."

"Oh... no... I didn't mean that... I'm sorry..."

"No, Chelsey, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, I take things too seriously"

"But I'm still sorry."

"Why?"

"I just... am."