If I knew then what I know now, Would I have done it? Would I have leaped into the abyss of black inky darkness, Like a never-ending chapter of the Twilight Zone, Strange things happened down there. I was moving so fast, It was like that scene from Willy Wonka, When they're on the boat and the awful images fill their heads and light up the sky, It kept going and going, The farther down I went the more grotesque it became, Like spiders and monsters and bats, Swarming down, Down, Down, Spiraling around me like I was caught in some awful replay of the same thrasher film, Then with a sudden jolt, All the lights and feral images stopped, I looked around, And before me the images linked together like the lost pieces of a puzzle, To become a picture of me, But, Not really me, I was older and there was something else... Something unexpected, Something... Off
When I was little, I always thought trees were abundant, Never-ending, Going on forever, That's how it always seemed, I would get strapped up in the car and all I could see were flashes of green in the spring, Orange in the fall.
I understand now, That I'm older, Smarter, Able, That trees don't go on eternally and never have, I can look at the Green Mountains, And see the emerald waves reflecting the shadows of the clouds, And I can still see the verdant staining my eyes, Now from the front seat, Instead of the back, I can still see the maple trees in my front yard, The ones I'm growing to be taller than, That were mere saplings when we moved in.
But now, The orange leaves remind me of fire, Raging and burning the trees, And the mirror of blue sky, Reminds me of the rising of seas, And lack of freshwater.
I have never known the warm hugs, The boy talks, The late-night snuggles, The braiding of hair.
I have never known the embarrassing but all-knowing looks, I have never known the sweet-bubbly laugh, Never had that day at the mall.
My mother decided she loved my sister more, My step-mom decided she loved alcohol more, My new step-mom decided she loves her real daughter more.
I have never known the sweet scent of lilacs from the embraces, Never known the mom who did your makeup, Or baked with you, Never had the matching shirts, Or sharing of shoes.
No, My moms aren't my moms, They have better things to love.
For one, I'm the other kid, The one who was too hard to take care of, The one she sent to live 17 hours away, The one who she hasn't seen in four years, The one who she forgets the birthday of.
One year ago, January 6, An unspeakable thing occurred. Our fellow Americans tried to defeat democracy By marching on the place of our government, The Capitol, And with the flames and guns and Confederate flags, They stormed in and tried to destroy democracy, Tried, And failed, Because in the words of my best, Amanda Gorman, "... while democracy can be periodically delayed, it can never be permanently defeated." And so while trying to dethrone our fundamental right as Americans, They instead shone a light upon their 'fearless' orange leader, And that light shone through the lies and tweets, And brought forth the racist, fascist tyrant he is, And while I understand some may disagree, You must also understand that I sat at home watching the news, Crying because I thought they were going to destroy everything. I thought I was watching my country be torn down, Piece by piece,
As the sky began to fade, Into its dark dreamy depths, We sat with the fireflies, In the long green grasses, Together, You and me, We watched the sun fall, The clouds fade to dark plumes, And the stars twinkle into sight, While they set their gaze upon us, We looked to the moon, Braving the descent up into the night, Reflecting the hidden light of her lost love, And lighting up the darkness, We sat, You and me, With the stars and the fireflies, Lit up with the showering stare, Of the ascending moon.
I just want to go To the mountains, To the rivers, Wherever is fine. I want to feel The sun's kiss on my face, The wind in my hair, The breath of cool air sinking into my lungs. I want to hear The birds singing in their own choirs, The stream bubbling its own tune, The bees buzzing along to their own beat. I want to smell The flowers and grasses, The salt from the sea, The dirt, deep-rooted into the earth. I want to taste The oncoming light of the moon, The honey from the hives, The rainwater from the storm. I want to see The stars dolloped in the sky, The fireflies twinkling in the swaying silage, The waterfall in the distance.
I want to run away from everything, To have someone wrap their arms around me and hold me tight as we sit among the flowers and trees and twinkling lights, To tell me I'm safe and loved, In a world without gods,
Right or wrong... Right or wrong... Answers swinging inside my head, Like the tick... tick... ticking from the clock on the shelf, Counting down the sand from the timer, The sand that's running low, Each grain, Sinking deeper, And deeper Into the grooves of my skin, Into the flow of my blood, Into the pumping of my darkening heart, The shade of my eyes, Flickering like the candles lighting up the boxes... Yes... No... Why not maybe? Why not some other time? Why now, Why then, Why anything? The clock keeps, tick... tick... ticking... The sand keeps draining, faster... faster... faster...
I look down at my feet, To the tracks trailing behind me, Carbon footprints. In them, sprout words, Growing out like the over pollen-filled plants:
Sick Like the animals, Caught in nets in the sea, Shot by guns in the woods, Trapped in the cages, To be held on display. Can't they be left alone? They're dying just like us. Why speed up the process?
Heat Melting the icecaps, Draining our lakes, Heating the world till everything's ash. Why can't we stop the temperature from rising?
Extinction Millions of animals placed under the words, "Endangered," Most because of humans, Killing and trapping and eating and abandoning. How many animals have to die to fulfill our needs?
