Feb 22
Monster_T_02's picture

Do I Miss You?

You asked me, "Do you miss me enough to swallow back the spice filled, delirium inducing elixir?" And I responded "I loved you enough not to" There isn't a moment in time your memory doesn't flash across my consciousness. A moment your smile doesn't cross my mind, Or your laugh doesn't invade my senses. Nearly a year later my heart still cries out for you in my sleep. I still yearn to hold you again. Not a moment your sarcasm doesn't reach, And I don't feel your judgment of my actions. You remind me not to. Your memory serves as a guide. It hold the place my own judgment used to lie. I no longer am capable of asking you what i should do. I can no longer sit next to you eating ice cream. Or find lost books in the forest. I can no longer see your motorcycle, Nor feel the sun hit my face as we swam at the beach. I will never see your face again. But when it ended. I was not the one seeking guidance. You sought out closure, and understanding. Your fear, your hope, your pain,
Oct 08
Monster_T_02's picture

Can You See Me?

Can you see me?
This place don't feel like home.
Can you feel me,


This place no longer holds my hope.
I hope you know me,
Cuz when I leave, you're where I go.
I hope you need me,
cuz I've never felt so alone.
I wish I saw you,
when the sky was crashing down,
I wish I knew you,
Cuz you're the only love I've ever known.

Can you see me?
This place don't feel like home.
Can you feel me?

I wish you helped me
I'm alone,
And the ground is rushing up,
But I'm flying on my own. 
Is it selfish to want a love 
I've never known.
Please set me free,
I suffering.
I want to know that when I run,
You'll be around.
Cus I'm suffering,
But all I feel is solid ground,
I hope one day the hole  in my heart disappears,
but I'm not holding out hope.

Can you see me?
This place don't feel like home.
Can you feel me,
Nov 29
Monster_T_02's picture

I Wanted to Believe

I wanted to believe in the happy endings,

 but as life progressed, so did the sadness. 

The more time you live, the more cruelty you see.

 In this world of make believe, I wish you were with me. 

But monsters hide under covers,

 this personal hell for one. 

I wish I could save you, but baby I’m drowning myself.

 I hoped to see you smile, in a hell of my design.

 Please don’t mind the paint, it’s chipping from the skeletons. 

They filled up the closet,

So many bodies I’ve lost count.

They tear at my soul,

 And remind me every moment I should go.

The curtains are sun damaged, and rain sometimes  leaks,

but if you wanted it, I would fix it all for you. 

I’m just not what you seek.

I wish I could tell you the pain inside,

But the demons keep my secrets guarded, 
Nov 29
Monster_T_02's picture

Let Me Go

You pretended like you were my dream, 
But now I see you're a nightmare,
Pulling me apart by the seams,
Reality, a torment I can hardly bare.

How do you tell me how to live,
Dictate my every move,
Time for you to leave here,
I have become your doom.

How dare you tell me you care,
When you ripped my heart 
I have no more feelings to spare,
One day you'll see that too. 

You pretend like you were my dream,
But no i see you're a nightmare. 
Pulling me apart at the seams,
Reality I can hardly bare.

I turn around, begging you aren't there,
My life revolving around my fear
Creeping into my life,
No matter how hard I push you out.

You make my life a nightmare,
Your word leave me to scream and shout. 
I want you gone,
By the time my time is done.

I wish you would live a day through my eyes,
Nov 12
Monster_T_02's picture

Us In The End


This is an ode to the madness,
To the crying, fighting, and screaming silence.
An ode to the way you make my heart leap in my throat,
And draw me out of the cold.
 
This is a ode to the fire,
The wanting, and burning desire,
The way your hands feel on a cold night,
And the furnace inside of your soul.

This is an ode to the pain,
An ode to the frustrations, and day where we go insane
The way I feel wrapped in your arms,
And sleep without harm 

We are crazy,
And even crazier we stay,
When we fight, and make up,
I shut you out, and fake tough.
You come running when I've had enough,
And I don't feel like I can take it.

We are crazy, 
But you're even crazier for staying,
When you shut me down,
And push me out,
When our voices get too loud,
And we quiet down. 

This is an ode to our limits,
To our conversations, communications,
Sep 25
Monster_T_02's picture

Save Me


Your hands grab what they can't reach,
Halting my words, trappin my tongue,
Biting back the vomit sweet sentences,
Spewed forth, wanted from no one.

Sickly sweet nothings,
words of lovers lost in time,
Words that I never wanted from you,
A creep, painted up the nine

God save me,
I'm relishing in your sun,
But I'm pulled back,
Into my personal Hell for one.
God help me,
His hands are wet,
Digging in my side 
Swearing I'm his pet.

I try to run from you as fast as I can go,
But you pull across my chest hooking my body in Limbo,
This Heaven isn't fun it's turned into a torture,
I was caught in your light, realizing it was a blaze

God save me,
I'm relishing in your sun,
But I'm pulled back,
Into my personal Hell for one.
God help me,
His hands are wet,
Digging in my side 
Swearing I'm his pet.

God. Save. Me
Jul 11
Monster_T_02's picture

My Soul Is Returning

I know I may not be the best,
Nor is my mind the greatest,
But I do know my heart still beats,
With the  purest of intent.

My mind may still weep,
My soul may still cry,
But I will not allow myself,
To lay down,
And die.

My hope is slowly returning,
My garden I will replant,
Self love I am still learning,
And strengthening like an ant.

My path is very shaky,
And monsters still jump out,
But seven years is all I need,
to clean my skeltons out.

Seven year in cells,
I will be a new being,
And my body will be cleansed,
From all their wrongdoings.

Your body is renewed,
After seven years,
Every cell is replaced;
The thought brings me to tears.

One day they will not touch me,
My body will not be their's,
I will be a new person,
Without all these trivial fears.

My mind my still be shifts,
May 09
Monster_T_02's picture

Avoidance


I learned avoidance,
and wrote it off as "putting it on a shelf" 
Because it's a mindfulness skill to put it on the shelf for a minute.
But I never took those problems off the shelf.
I would pretend to my parents.
That my stumbling in my room 
was just an accident.
Pretend that my stumbling mind,
was just a side effect of too much school.
I began a pattern of avoidance so my parents would forget a time
anything was different.
Anytime I actually enjoyed their company.
I would pretend I didn't want anything to do with my little brother.
So that they would never ask me to babysit him,
Because I didn't feel good enough to be around him.
He was pure,
And every time I saw him,
I felt my walls coming down.
He brought out ever pitfall,
and so I allowed them to have him.
I disappeared behind the back drop and pretended I liked being there.
Because I knew,
May 06
Monster_T_02's picture

Pain.

When you broke me,
You left everything.
The broken pieces of my heart.
Wait millenniums for you to see.
But I am still apart.
I am still broken,
and Bruises,
and lonely.
I am SO lonely.
And that loneliness eats away inside.
It tears apart my mind.
Broken.
I can't sleep anymore.
With drug store prescriptions.
I can't dream anymore.
 What is a life worth living.
When the people who are suppose to still be here 
Aren't.
I'm not better.
I know you said I would be by now,
But I'm not.
I don't know how.
I study to hide the pain.
I study to hide from myself.
I study to hide the  hole you left.
I can tell you one thing.
It doesn't work.
Studying,
Doesn't.
Work.
Statistics and loneliness.
They're alll I have left.
I got so bad after you left.
I didn't know who I was.
I still don't.
 
Mar 02
Monster_T_02's picture

Wait


I'm stressed, hopelessly so,
Pain tolerance high,
Blood circulation low,
Trying to hide
But I can't try to be the thing inside,
My heart so heavy, 
I aint ever see a wedding,
Day in sight, my 
(in progress)

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