Oct 23
Monster_T_02's picture

Everything Left Unsaid

I wanted to tell him I forgave him.
I wanted to scream at him that he ruined me.
I wanted to sit in silence and never move, never speak,
As I heard my voice, sobs so loud I heard them on the monitor,
The monitor that was shielded by a voice absorbent room,
And two closed doors.
My cracking voice as I recounted what they did.
How they tore me apart inside and out.
That my throat felt like it was being torn apart from screaming.
And from what they did when I tried to fight back.
Terrified how they would kill me if I spoke out.
bruises across my arms,
Legs,
Stomach
Throat,
Neck,
Everywhere.
So I hid. 
I hid what they did to me,
I hid from myself.
I was terrified what they would say about me if I spoke up.
I was terrified of upsetting my parents.
Scared they wouldn’t want someone as ruined as me.
Scared they would say they had enough.
Apr 12
Monster_T_02's picture

Zombies

Somedays, I relate to the zombies in my stories.
The anger, the feeling of wanting to explode.
The zombies in my stories have thoughts,
But they hate people in their personal space.
They act as if they are not in control of their actions.
Somedays, I relate to the zombies in my stories.
Brooding, unwanting to share.
The inability to get close to others without snapping.
Cranky, protective of things I can't see.
Loud noises setting me into a frenzy,
Somedays, I relate to the zombies in my stories.
Sad, unable to control what I'm feeling.
Vulnerability makes me hostile.
I'd rather die than let someone touch me.
Somedays, I relate to the zombies in my stories.
Not wanting to hurt others.
Confused, lost, and tormented.
Scar tissue underneath the surface, 
Leaving places along my back sore.
Years after the assault.
As if there was a bite that wouldn't heal.
Jan 14
Monster_T_02's picture

Dear Forgiveness


I'm supposed to write about forgiving you.
How do you forgive someone who tore you apart?
Years of telling everyone "I'm Fine,"
I'm not fine,
And you know it.
You caused it.
You tore me apart.
I can't sleep without nightmare of your hands on me,
Your words in my head.
The day you stole my sanity.
The day you stole the little self-esteem I had built up.
The day you left me with nothing.
I trusted you.
And you threw that trust out the window.
I take pills to get away from you,
Prescribed by my doctor to undo the damage, 
It's  pitiful.
Migraines from thinking too much,
Smashing against my skull.
I walk down the hallway and you're there smiling,
Knowing you ruined someone's life.
While I spent months in my room crying.
You're the reason  I don't believe in people.
I spent weeks in a hospital almost dying,
After what you did to me.
Lost at sea,
Nov 13
Monster_T_02's picture

Homewrecker


Dear, Homewrecker.
Dear, lover of fights,
She who cuddles up in anguise.
Dear, Lady of the night.
Dear, Lady who fits just so right.
Dear, Lady get out of my bed.
Dear, Lady get out of his head.
I'm not the jealous type.
I don't fill myself with spite.
But I do fill myself with his name.
I do pray that he doesn't play games.
The one who's skin he touches before coming home.
The same hands that find my hair to comb.
The thought of tasting you on his lips,
Kills.
You are the bullet I thought I threw out.
You are the fake innocence he spouts.
You, who wants nothing more than to play with him.
While I bring him to meet my kin.
You whisper sweet nothings.
Things,
I will never match up to.
His lust for you that grew.
His mind you placed thoughst to stew.
Your schemes you brew.
While it was just you two.
I could call you names.
Name the game, 
Oct 12
Monster_T_02's picture

Hurt

I'm not angry,
I'm hurt.
I say those words on the daily.
Maybe I should be angry.
Because I've hurt so much.
For reasons that are such.
Why must I lose who I am.
For you to tear me down, BAM!
I don't know if i can,
Be hurt anymore,
Before,
I'm no longer hurt.
Before I start getting angry.
Before I start screaming,
I can't go on like this,
I'm tired of being pissed,
On.
Dissed,
On.
I can't handle your words,
Maybe I should add a couple of my own.
Were you never shown?
How you treat others.
I didn't have you around for six god awful years?
Why do You think I need you now?
Need you how?
Need YOU?
Wow.
Love you?
Do you love me?
If so, I don't see.
There is no we,
There was never a we,
There will never be,
How long will it take you to see?
Looks like someone have foot in the mouth disease.
Oct 12
Monster_T_02's picture

Trypanophobia

I'm not afraid of needles.
I'm afraid of something injected into me.
I'm afraid of the pain.
Pain triggers emotions best left under the rug.
I'm afraid of being afraid, more than I fear the actual fear.
That may seem confusing but to me it makes perfect sense.
I'm afraid of of the pain of needles.
Trypanophobia.
But I don't fear the needle.
I fear what the needle represents.
What the needle leads to.
I used to not mind needles.
But when you are in recovery from blood running down your body on the daily.
Seeing anymore than you have to triggers you.
I'm afraid of needles.
But not the needle itself.
I'm afraid of not being in control.
I'm afraid of others inflicting pain on me.
I'm afraid of a doctor messing up.
I'm afraid of a foreign body traveling through me.
I'm afraid of my sister hitting my arm when I walk out of the office.
I'm afraid of being weak.
Oct 04
Monster_T_02's picture

Ghost Girl

Ever been so close you could taste it.
Feel it,
See it.
Ever been so close you could hold it,
Mold it,
show it.
But then someone tells you "NO"
Two simple words.
Two words that could tear you to shreds.
Wreck all the progress in your head.
Make you feel dead.
a ghost girl in a ghost town.
Dreams and ambitions flying by.
Dreaming and ambitions dying by.
Ghost girl on the ground to cry.
Ghost girl on the ground to die.
Ghost girl where she will forever lie.
Ghost girl wants to be alive.
Ghost girl wasnt to scream "WHY?"
Ghost girl doesn't understand.
Ghost girl wants her life back.
Ghost girl doesn''t want to disappear.
ghost girl wants what she's always wanted.
Ghost girl wants the stage.
Ghost girl wants the spotlight.
Ghost girl wants the moves that feel right.
Ghost girl...
Ghost girl wants...
Ghost girl wants to be happy.
Oct 04
Monster_T_02's picture

The Storm


Have you ever felt the rumble of a thunderstorm.
Bumb bumb bumb.
Or your heartbeat,
Bumb babumb babumb.
It get's louder the more anger you build inside.
The more of your emotions you try to hide.
Hoping it'll go away,
but it never does,
It's here to stay,
Felt glass shatter beneath ur hands.
A child Smashing all their crayons.
Finally a light opens up.
The eye of the storm.
Only many forget the eye is only the middle.
The crash,
crash, 
CRASH,
Starts.
The bumb  bumb bumb,
bumb babumb babumb.
 
Sep 08
Monster_T_02's picture

Silence

I am human,
Scared legs,
A cut on my hand from an accident with a knife,
I have a right to be loud.
I am a homosapien,
A bipedal creature of chemicals, 
Cells,
And everything in between.
Brunette, with brown eyes.
Olive colored skin.
All my faults written,
across a body that craves to be read.
Wants someone to tell me my faults are okay,
I just want to be okay.
Holding these hands up to the Gods,
Pray that life becomes good.
Because I refuse to face another one of these days.
I am a picture of my mother,
Her faults,
her history,
written across my DNA,
I want to scream
"I AM HUMAN!"
but what will that do.
Being dehumanized is a part of growing up.
Losing who you are is a part of adelescence.
But it is not,
and never should be.
I am all my faults,
and my faults are bound to choke me.
Ripping the confidence off my body,
May 21
Monster_T_02's picture

I am who I am.

I am the one who hears the beat.
​Who'd rather admit defeat than cheat,
Have all them other players take a seat.
I heard I'm so sweet.
​Bon Appetite.
​I am the who who dominates,
Living among the great,
You can't shake, me,
Worse than You have tried to break, me,
I hear you pleas,
​I just sip ma tea.
​I've never felt so free,
​Fills me with a sense of glee.
Still trying to bring me down I see.
​On top of the world.
Me and My girls.
And nothing's gonna bring us down.
​Holding onto our crowns.
100 feet above the ground.
​I am the one who hears the sound.
Not spending anytime on these hounds,
Ain't letting them getting me wound.
Running them round.
​I am the one who cant resist
​A game with a twist.
​All these others players want an assist.
They just get themselves dismissed.
Thinking there's no way to coexist.
I ain't no recidivist.

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