I have never been the prettiest girl. I used to have bangs with a bob haircut that made me look like I was five. Definitely not a guy's dream girl. I always wanted to grow my hair out but I hated the hotness of it in the summertime. Also I made a promise for as long as I could I was going to get a bob haircut. My dad called me Tom but changed to calling me Bob because it fit better. I transferred from Pennsylvania to Vermont going into fifth grade. YAY ME! a new school and same old me. I had to go into counseling which I am still in.
I want everything to be alright. I can't keep trying to piece every broken piece together. Babe can't you see me trying. Can't you see me crying and dying Dying to make everything right. Then you just walk away. Saying you need to think but that you never would doubt us. I let you back without complaint. Even tho you threw my heart out a window. In the middle of the winter snow I won't let my pain show I won't let you go. So I just sit here crying Waiting for you, dying 'Til you walk back though that door smiling. Saying you figured it out and you know we'll get through it Saying that you will never quit I let you back smiling, Knowing this will be life Living through this strife But I don't want anybody but you No matter what you do.
One day you'll be gone. I will not cry. Although I may die inside. You taught me to love my life. Through every struggle and strive. When the nights were dark and lonely. When I didn't have no one to hold me. You were there for me. You changed my perspective on my life. Every tear I cried. You are my ride or die. When I was dumped by that other guy. You were the shoulder on which I cried When I left my other home. Came up here I felt alone. Through every mental ouch You laid with me on the couch. No one can say anything. You took me under your wing. Others told me not to trust you, but they could never give me a reason. Took me to the movies on the weekends. Taught me to truly sing. I love you through everything you do. When I get angry. I get silent It kills me inside. 'Cause I dont wanna loose you. You have always been true.
There are colors everywhere. Dull colors. Bright colors and everything in between. But the colors in my mind are a different matter. They are alive. The colors try to choke me. Filling my lungs with colored dust or liquids. I cough trying to get them out but they are stuck there. Just like I am stuck with them. They laugh at me and cause the room to spin. My mind goes in and out of focus. I try to focus on something but the color of the wall changes causing me to become dizzy. I fall to the ground unable to breath. Everyone ignores me because I am invisible. I take my enhaler and can breath again. Everything stops spinning and the colors go back to what they are suppose to be. But the colors are there waiting for their chance to get me.
My World is new My World is new because of you. My World is new because of you and all that you do. My World is new because of you and all that you do for me. My World is new because of you and all that you do for me that I don't even see. My World is new because of you and all that you do for me that I don't even see. You might just be. My World is new because of you and all that you do for me that I don't even see. You might just be the one for me...
I remember my world. There were trees everywhere. They wore dark green leaves like clothes and they were damp from morning mist. It was morning at the same time it was night. Whenever I wanted it to be something it just... was. I remember centering myself there. Amidst the trees. Climbing them and feeling the trees breath in and out. I could feel the earth beneath my bare feet. The forest stretched as far as the eye could see. It was peaceful there. Not far off there was a river. The water was crystal clear reflecting the trees around it. I would go swimming there. I didn't fear what was in the water. I didn't fear that I couldn't touch the bottom. I just swam. At one with myself any everything around me. But that was Then. I'm stuck in the Now.
I don't remember all the details. I was very young at the time. Maybe for or five? My mother tells me this story all the time. I was coming back from my dad's house, I believe. My mom was driving and we were getting off the high way. I was in the car with my big sister who is not much older than me and I believe my step brother who is three years older than me. Suddenly a police car pulled my mother over. He did not seem very nice. I don't remember much of the conversation but I do remember him telling my mother that he could take us kids away and arrest her for speeding. My sister and I started crying because all we wanted to do was go see Santa... He never did arrest my mom. By the time we got to the building where Santa was my sister and I had not stopped crying yet. My mother put my step brother, my sister, and me next to Santa for a picture. In the picture you can still see our red faces.