Jan 10
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Those Deer That Looked at You When Your Foot Was on the Pedal and Their Life in Your Hands

Roaming eyes scan a darkened
lawn to find the out-of-placer’s, the lost
hobos stuck in a world not made
for them, might as well park a tent
in the middle of the frost heaved
road where you begin and end.
A smear on the yellow line is that
fence-hopper’s only grave marker.
I watch them try and check either
way but this pavement apocalypse,
this zombie ridden highway is hungry.
Haunt me with the ghosts of your glaring
saucers, Alien and trying
to abduct me. I look down and up
again at the moon, half expecting it
fell from the sky to make a home in your skull.

 
Jan 10
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Kicked Dog Cries "I Came Back"

When I say that I came back what I really mean is
you don't tell me sorry, I mean that fickle tilt
of your head means jack shit cause I came back for me,

what I mean is your teeth that glow, stained
in the dark don’t haunt me like your hands used
to, when they left a permanent burning sensation

where I felt you for days after like the whisper of shackles
and the click of our teeth together, when I say I came back
I expect you to recede into the horizon and cower

because it’s my turn now, my turn to toss and turn
you against the sand splattered ocean floor so you stay up
late licking your wounds feeling like a kicked dog

against the world, and when I say I came back I mean you woke
me up, I mean don’t worry I grew up, don’t worry I am happy,
I came back to the ground that holds me now.

 
Dec 17
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slip into the insanity

I thought I saw a two headed dog today
and it still feels like there is sun on my back
where its eyes stared right through me, and
yet even though i’m supposed to come back
down to earth each time I wake up
sometimes it feels like I never do,

so each bath I take I like to make waves
and sometimes it feels like I lose myself
in each wave I make, but the feeling of
watching those waves roll away, curiously
taking me to see where they disappear to
is serene,

same as the way watching the sunset
disappear after creating a brilliant show in
the sky where people have kissed and cried
and even died beneath it, is serene, except
someone always comes in to ask me
to remember things from a long time ago

like that will help the monotonous
splashes of color in my prefrontal cortex
that I never trust to make the right decisions
like, soup or sandwich, coffee or tea,
Dec 07
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Day 6: Feeling the wear and tear of having to surrender to the unknown

I am sleeping to ease
the pace of sand slipping
between the cracks in my brain,
cartoon pink and flamingo colored,
beating with each thought.
At this point I don’t think
the boa constrictor around
my chest will ever leave,
not until I do.

I know the crisp star spotted
nights and cold mornings frisking
me as I hurry to shovel off my car,
I know with simple certainty
I will come home after a long day
to the hectic array
of toys that always litter
our floor, a message
that reads: children live here.

 
Dec 05
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Day 5: Drinking in the haiku

Dec 05
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Day 4: across the world

This world is full unfamiliar faces,
looking around this skeleton
ocean I feel out of place,
for maybe the first time.

I am like a baby, crawling
on all fours blind to the
atmosphere just introduced
to me, like a relative your supposed
to know but can only fake smile
and nod at.

Stress pours through my filter
smooth as expensive coffee
beans, leaving the sense
that eyes are always stuck
on my skin and my toes are
curling into the concrete. Curl
up searching for cool clean dirt.

 
Dec 03
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Day 3: Finding my Morals in a World Full of All That is Immoral

Floating red nile noodles slip
between chopsticks but,
floating piece of meat you
repel me, repel me faster than
the skilled hands of a rock
climber repel me.

What to do when the sick
slip n’ slide of worry grips me
and down go my morals,
should not have let that little
floating piece of meat scare me.
But it does.

Why do you not cry so, why do I?
The blank eyes are as cold as an
insects stare. Eyes lost in dry rolling
sand where the sun plays
a boxing match with life on
the surface.

 
Dec 02
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Day 2: The annoyance one feels when it seems everything in China has sichuan pepper in it

Spinning from the sichuan spice,
little volts of electricity vibrate
my palate, this numbness seems
to be in abundance here.

Fighting the urge to tell them
what I really feel, that this obsession
seems unreasonable. Why consume
when all it brings is this all
encompassing head rush and lip
numbing pain, I can barely speak.

I open my mouth to take a bite,
only stopping to warily sniff.
Is it here? I do not know but
in she goes. Tears fall like
my stomach, damn sichuan,
I will pay for this later.

 
Dec 02
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Day 1: Looking from my hotel window over Qingdao, frustrated my throat hurts from the smog that blocks my view of the mountains I know are hidden there somewhere

The air sleeps in my lungs, thick
with tapered skyscrapers
and the grey film that drapes
over the horizon. You would
think the world ended at the edge
of the sixth building down.

Looking up means to be trapped
in the bouncing glare of lights
coming from the worlds concrete
floor. I do not like the rumble
of passing planes and try
to imagine it is a giant coming
to clear the mist.

 
Nov 15
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the haunting of a once quiet pond

I am haunted by all the people
I do not want to become.
They follow me everywhere,
in the eyes I meet,
the hands I shake. Like the
ghosts of guard dogs chasing
even my thoughts to the edge,
the very brink of a wilting pond.

Hearing the unhearable whispers
of those cursed flower beds,
“don’t be like him, dig me up.”
and I try I dig, dig, dig, digging,
no pick me up picks me up,
I need to keep digging.
But that’s not the flowers fault.

I turn like a kids toy, repeat
the same song i'm a damn disney
movie. Never even dug the flowers,
they are still singing.

When I came back down to earth
from the repetitive rings of saturn,
I thought I felt sun on my back.
Orange glow followed me
all day, nothing but a phantom
feeling meaning; I miss you summer
when I laid face down in the sand
and the dogs were gone and I melted

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