Mar 23

Mistake

You said you made a mistake, 
that you were the only one to blame
because you chose 
to pretend
to fake. 

You said I was a little too much for you.
A mistake? 
I was your mistake. 

That's what they all say.
I just thought
you'd be different. 
 
Mar 23

Hey, Keep Driving

Hey
can we forget what happened
to me
to you
to us
and drive until 
we don't recognize anything around us
until we arrive in a town big enough
to hide and
not be seen.

We can watch the pavement
light up from the green lights
that keep telling us to 
run
as rain drips down the windows
maker the night seem darker 
than it actually is. 

Keep driving. 
I don't ever want to go back. 
 
Mar 23

A Thought

Mar 21

Driving With No One

Golden light slid across the empty seat next to me
reaching up to the dashboard
sneaking across my lap
making my jeans five shades lighter
dancing across my hands
that were steering me to my destination. 

The radio sung out notions of love and the future
as I laughed into the empty air
full of freedom. 


 
Mar 17

Remember? You Probably Don't Want To

As I laid in bed
my head stuffy with half built dreams and desperate wishes of sleep,
I thought of you
which surprised me. 

Why now?
Why would you creep into my thoughts now, 
after all the time that's passed?
It's been so long since I have allowed myself to think of you,
to think of the past and all that has happened.

I have been so good
at pretending you don't exist. 
When I feel you near,
I turn the other way,
avert my gaze to the floor,
and smile at an imaginary joke 
my friend just told me. 

I don't know why,
it's not like you mean anything to me anymore. 
But it surprises me to think back to when you
were a part of my life. 

Back to when I loved you. 

Remember when you said you didn't want to continue 
life with me by your side?

I cringe at the thought of the whole process that followed,
Mar 15

Predestined Dreams

I opened my eyes and took a breath
looking at the ceiling above my head
white with little glow-in-the-dark stars scattered across.

We cannot control our dreams,
this is what I reassured myself with as I sat up,
remembering all that I had experienced 
while I was sleeping. 

My family thinks I'm crazy,
and gives me a all-knowing smile when I say
I'm not going to get married
when I grow up. 

But then why,
me of all people,
am I dreaming of white gauze and beaded corsets,
creamy flowers and shiny rings?

I shook this from my head and continued my day,
wondering if this would ever be my fate. 

And this is the exact reason I refuse the desire to get married:

It seems so painfully predestined. 


 
Mar 11

Two and a Half Years From Now

Talking about the future
which seems like a million years away
while sitting on opposite ends of your purple couch
a bowl of popcorn between us
we wonder if in two and a half years
when we're both seniors,
if we'll still be the same. 
Together.

I wonder out loud if we are possible
if we are meant to make it. 

You look at me, your eyes set on mine
and you say firmly
with your heart displayed before me
"of course we are".
 
Mar 08

You Look the Same

You look the same,
surprisingly. 

I don't know what I was expecting,
what I was fearing.

For you to suddenly be different?
To see me in a different light?
One not so rose-colored?

You look the same,
you haven't changed one bit. 

I feel foolish 
for doubting,
for feeling uncertain. 

You are you. 
And I am myself,
distance has not changed us for the worst. 






 
Feb 22

The Room Where My Soft Spot Lives

The soft spot in my heart 
hidden through all the trap doors and hallways
kept quietly in a wallpapered room reserved 
just for people like you
seemed to ache a little today.

I felt the wallpaper curl at the edges a little,
and the door begin to swell in its door frame.
The windows, although small, started collecting dust
on the off-white sills. 

I put my hand on my chest
not accustomed to feelings such as these. 

My secret room, my beloved chamber for reserved feelings
is getting unkempt 
without you here to open the windows and draw pictures 
over the thick wallpaper,
reminding me that I have you near. 

Come back,
I need this door to become unstuck. 
I need to see your face and feel your presence
pulling me back into that sweet reality 
once again. 




 

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