Feb 13

Hard to Love You

It's never been 
hard to love you.

I mean, 
just look at you.
How could I despise 
that wide smile 
and that perfect hair?
That laugh 
and your constant 
demanding of me. 

Or the way you can make me grin,
the way you see I'm upset before anyone else,
and simply being there
when I desperately need it.

You never made it hard to love you
until now. 

And I guess that's what real love is.

Loving someone when they don't deserve it
and especially when you don't feel like it. 
 
Feb 08

My World is a Little Too Heavy

As I sit here
I sigh and realize I have been so busy
too busy to even write
a thing I long for 
while sitting in class all day. 

Well, here I am
and it seems as if my creativity 
has dried up and blown away 
by the constant reality of today.

It's too real right now to write about 
gauzy dreams and potential love
hopeful adventures and meaningful glances.

Today, I just can't. 
My world is a little too heavy. 
 
Feb 08

Empty

I am empty
a worn vessel that has been forgotten
under a pile of dirty canvas covers
thick with age and dust
yesterday's news 
belonging in the basement in which I am held
not a window in sight
to bring a smile to my cracked lips.
 
Feb 05

Waking Up

"Is she okay? She looks a little pale."

A cold hand touches my already cool cheek.

"No, she's fine." 

Two voices leave the room and I rub my eyes in confusion.

I just had a dream about having to choose between two guys that I loved

and I knew who I wanted but no one was listening to me

so I was in a panic. 

My mouth is dry and I want a drink of water.

My hair is in a bun and still wet from last night's shower.

I realize it's already 11:00 and we aren't at church 

instead we're at home and we're not going today. 

I guess I can work on homework instead. 

I can hear my family's conversations from downstairs 

and I roll onto my side to get away from the sunshine pouring on my blankets. 
 
Feb 02

The Swimsuit

I don't want to wear the swimsuit
because the swimsuit forces me
to pretend to be happy about my body
when I am really not
but my friends say come on
you look great
you're beautiful
you're perfect. 

I don't think I'll ever be able to feel that way
because how can I
when I am being told so many things
how can I tell the truth from the lies?

The swimsuit sits in my dresser
in the dark
not being forgotten. 
 
Jan 31

Clean Kicks

Jan 30

Thoughts

Love is hard. 

It isn't simple or clear either,
although it has it's moments. 

Love can be super scary too,
because when it's real and true
it can be so much deeper than you ever imagined. 

When you look at someone and 
see that they're human just like you
with flaws and thoughts and feelings and emotions and goals and dreams
it can be a doorway to love.

Because love is seeing someone for who they are
and loving them because of it. 
 
Jan 27

Familiar

You're like the soft comfortable part of
a pillow
the little hollow that's so familiar
that holds my head just right
so I can close my eyes
and dream in peace. 

Please don't ever go away. 
 
Jan 24

Snow Day

Beep...beep...beep...beep..beep.beepbeepbeepBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP BEEEEEEEEEP

I jump out of bed,
sick and tired of my stupid alarm clock 
making my heart thump out of my ribcage
every darn morning. 

I groan 
as I look at the time 
longer than I have to
6:15
blinks at me 
in neon green. 

I push the button
to make the screaming stop.

I hear something behind me
and see my dad
pushing my door back.

I'm too tired to say good morning
so I grunt
and he whispers two words
that make me praise God and jump back
in to bed:

Snow day.


 
Jan 23

In-Between

My fingernails
are painted a color
not quite red
nor purple 
but something 
in-between. 

I have a lot of things
in my life
that are in-between. 

Like you.

You're not red
nor purple
I can't quite place you
in any category possible
which makes me slightly 
annoyed
since I am a very neat 
orderly 
person.

You just like to blend colors
erase the arrow straight lines
make a mess
and call it beautiful. 

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