Aug 04

Tommorow is Saturday August 5th, 2017

It will be two years,
Since I wrote to you last,
And 3 years,
4 months,
1 week,
And 6 days exactly,
Since I hugged you.
Since you hugged me back.
I don't know why this feels so significant now,
So important.
Maybe because this is a big transition in my life,
And you were with me for four years of it,
And you're not here now.
I'm thinking of writing again,
But you didn't respond last time.
Maybe you moved.
Maybe you ran out of stamps.
Or maybe you can't remember me now.
Or...
I don't want to think about the other thing.
I just...
You had such a big impact in my life,
And then you just got up,
And moved.
I thought you would follow all the way through sixth grade,
Not just to third.
You are one of the reasons I write,
One of the people who inspired me.
I don't know.
Maybe I shouldn't be reflecting on you now.

But,
Aug 04

Hope

I can't believe that just a few months ago,
We were discussing everything together.
About the books that I love that you hate,
About the books you love that I hate.
About that person who is now out of my life for good,
And how you never welcomed her in the first place,
Telling me she was never a good friend anyway.
And one day,
Everything just...
Froze.
I got to school before you,
And sat at the table you always do.
You walked in,
Took one look at me,
And sat as far away as possible.
I knew you wouldn't do that,
Unless you were having an off day.
So we avoided each other,
In case you wanted some space.
The days which formed into weeks that followed,
Were not better.
You wouldn't talk to me.
I managed to get you in the same room as me,
And I asked why.
You said you didn't hate me.
So,
I walked you to band class,
But you still wouldn't talk to me.
Aug 03

I Know I'm Weak

Okay,
Listen. 
I know you love to boss me around...
That's sort of your job. 
And I don't mind doing things,
Don't get me wrong,
But maybe if I get delayed for some reason,
Don't rapture me. 
Don't yell at me. 
I'm not stalling,
I will get to it. 
But,
When you do that,
It makes me feel weak. 

Also,
You should probably know,
That people aren't perfect. 
I know...
Surprise!
So,
If I make a mistake,
Whether it's massive or not,
Don't put me down. 
Don't keep reminding me about how terrible of I person I am. 
I know I'm terrible. 
But,
When you keep reminding about that,
It makes me feel weaker than before. 

Hey,
I know I'm weak. 
Please don't keep reminding me...
It hurts. 

#sos17
 
Aug 03

Our Voices Were Heard Too Late

We prayed the night she left,
That she would come home safe and sound. 
Be the only thing that was returned,
Was her spirit set for heaven bound. 

She took the train though we told her not,
For the tracks hadn't been used in years. 
Despite all we said, she just wouldn't listen,
For she was not scared of our fears. 

So all we could do was wait,
And hope that she was safe. 
But it was all too late,
When we heard in disbelief. 

"It wasn't the train that killed her,"
"It was herself."
We learned there was no train that night,
Despite all we believed ourselves. 

So our prayers were answered,
She took no train,
But by the time He fully heard them,
It was all too late. 
She was gone. 

#sos17

 
Aug 01

I Think I Broke Myself More Than I Broke You

I was hoping I wouldn't break you,
When I didn't follow in your footsteps,
But that seems like all I did to you.
Break you.
And,
I wish I could express how sorry I am,
But really,
I'm not sorry.
So today,
At this very moment,
I sit here,
Broken hearted,
Tear jerked face,
Binge listening to Adele songs,
While you're somewhere out there,
Probably enjoying your life,
Probably falling in young love,
While listening to some cheesy rap music.
I wish I could apologize,
I really do.
But,
I can't,
Because,
I would choose Adele over Eminem any day.

#sos17
 
Aug 01

Trying to Hide From Yourself is Harder Than You Think

Sometimes I hear these voices in my head.
They're usually there to tell me to do things,
Before I forget to do them.
Occasionally,
They tell me to run.
"Run to where?" I ask them.
"Just away," they respond.
I ponder it.
"Run from what?" I ask.
"Yourself," they say.
So I try.
I'll go for a run,
I'll go and read,
I'll sit in my closet,
Just to try to get away from myself.
But let me tell you,
I know it sounds hard to get away from yourself,
But you don't know half of it.

These voices,
They won't leave.
Even after I do this thing I had to do,
They still pester me.
Even after I try to hide from myself,
They're always there.
I've stood upside down,
Just to see if they would fall out.
I've put ice on my head,
To see if they would freeze and then melt.
I've watched scary movies,
Jul 31

I Keep Writing Poems About How our Friendship is Over, But I Think I Mean it This Time

I tried to call my dad's cell the day before yesterday,
But I accidentally called your mom instead.
Cell phone numbers just all feel the same to me,
But my dad and your mom's are just so different,
And,
I suppose I just know your mom's better than my own father's,
Which is saying something.
Either way,
I hung up so quickly,
I didn't even say hi to her.
If you've ever accidently called someone instead of someone else,
You know how embarrassing that is.
I figured since she has caller id,
She'd call back if she really wanted to,
Just to see if I wanted to talk to you,
Because we hadn't talked all summer...
Until yesterday.
You called me.
I was so excited at first,
The phone was trembling in my hand.
But,
You sounded so different...
So much older.
You said hello and who you were.
I said hi back.
Then,
You got down to business,
Jul 29

Plenty of Time

I wrote this at the poetry slam at the Aldrich Library tonight. We had to start our lines with "plenty of time." We had seven minutes to write it, and we had to write non stop, so in the end our brains hadn't even known what we had written.

Plenty of time,
Time of plenty.
What is time really?
Seeds to buds,
Buds to blossoms.
Small to medium,
Medium to tall.
As time goes by,
It starts to fly,
The future's on hold.
We fall like dominoes,
Like dominoes we fall.
We reach,
We hold,
We grasp.
What is time?
Time watches us breath,
Watches us work,
Watches us perish.
And here,
Time is everlasting,
Time takes charge.
Where to begin,
Where to end.
Time holds us hostage.
We have plenty of time,
Or at least that's what the clock says,
What God says.
Time.
There is plenty of time,
But we do not have plenty of time.
Jul 29

Ten Feet Away

I can't believe I'm writing this,
For it just seems so stupid to me now,
But I've been missing you lately,
Like... a lot.
And,
I saw you yesterday.
You were in your car,
I was in mine.
It doesn't matter where I saw you,
Because I can't even remember where that was now,
But I should've gotten out,
Walked that ten feet towards you,
And said hi.
Yet,
I didn't.
Because I'm shy,
And hate seeing people I know in public,
But thinking about how much I've been missing you now,
I should've just done it.

#sos17
 
Jul 28
poem 2 comments challenge: Young

Vulnerable

When I was younger,
I saw the world in one way;
The best place ever.
To my young eyes,
Everything was an adventure,
And friends were forever.
But,
The only adventure,
Is trying to survive.
And friends,
They come and go,
Because nobody likes things to stay forever.

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