Sep 12

A Little Gift From Heaven

It had been five months
since you died.
It was the first Christmas
since you'd been gone
and under the tree 
was a small box.
It held your braclet
with your enitials
E. M. C. engraved
and a tiny note
in your handwriting
saying
A little gift from heaven.
Sep 11

Windows

Words only mean something
when you give them meaning
otherwise they are a 
collection of lines placed
in a senseless pattern
and everyone has a slightly
different understanding
of each word, and you
can make up your own
meaning and your own words,
who knows, maybe this
poem is actually about horses.
 
Sep 05

Rosie N

I told you I liked your outfit
you thanked me
but what you said next
completely surprised me.
You said you've always
admired my hair,
and it's strange because
I was feeling so insecure
today because of it,
because it's big and fluffy
and frizzy, and somewhere
between curly and wavy,
and it seems everyone else
has sleek, straight hair
or beautiful bouncy curls
but you described it
as thick and beautiful,
and I know my parents
compliment my hair all the time,
but it's different coming from you,
you don't love me unconditionally,
we just had one class
together two years ago,
yet somehow you said exactly
what I needed to hear to brighten my day.
Sep 05

Goodbye

For the longest time
I've been saying goodbye
as if it will be the last
time I ever see someone.
I think it's because of you,
you were here one day
and gone the next.
When I said goodbye
to them yesterday
I said see you next time,
but the little voice whispered
what if there is no next time,
so I savored each hug,
just in case it was the last.
It was worse because 
they were going back 
to Massachusetts where
they live and I was staying
here in Vermont, hours away,
but that little voice whispers
even if I'm just saying
see you tonight as Mom
goes off to work, or
see you later to my sister
as we go to different classes,
because I don't know
what will happen,
what if this is goodbye
forever?
Aug 31

Rambling

They say you're gone
​forever, never ever coming back,
​they say you were the kindest
most compassionate person,
but when I see you
I am terrified.

​I never know what you'll
do, what you'll say,
I never know what you
think you've heard
what you think you've seen.
​You're always rambling
about the alligators on
​your doorstep in February,
the pictures on the walls
talking to you, the men
​you claim to be trying
to kill you, the neighbors
you swear were murdered.

​They say you'll never
​go back to the way
you used to be,
the kind you, the you
​that would do anything
to help someone else,
and I agree that
you're so far gone
that you will never escape
your mind, that maze
​of nightmares that traps you,
but sometimes I catch
a glimpse of the old you,
you'll ramble about
how you want to help
Aug 28

Secrets

You taught me how to keep secrets
because you never kept mine.
Time after time I told you them
and then you'd tell your friends
​and boast about how
​great our relationship was
because I'd tell you everything.
Time after time I believed you
when you promised you'd
keep my secrets this time, until
one day, I didn't believe you anymore.
You taught me that the only person
guaranteed to keep my secrets is me.
​I became the best at keeping secrets
especially my own.
Aug 28

A Maze of Words

Aug 21

Protect You

I had a nightmare
​sophomore year
​that the two of us
​had been kidnapped.
​The kidnappers
​told me unless
I let them drug me
they would hurt you
​so I let them drug me
and then I ran.
​I yelled back at you
that I'd come back for you
​but I barely got anywhere
​before I collapsed.

I don't remember
​what happened after
but I was left with
​a lingering feeling
​as I woke up,
not one of fear,
but one of love.
​I vowed then to
do whatever I had to,
whatever I could
to protect you.

​That feeling has come
back many times
​since then and
I feel it again as
I look upon your
curled body, so
vulnerable in sleep.
​I renew that vow
​once more, I
​will always do
whatever I have to,
whatever I can
to protect you.
Aug 18

The Ability To Forget

It seems that every day
​brings another hate-filled tragedy
which makes it so easy to
hear about it, forget about it,
​and move on, waiting
for the next round of death
to fill the news

​But for those families, those
ever-growing amounts of families,
how are they supposed to
live with it, forget about it,
​and move on, how are they
supposed to wait
for the next round of death.

​They don't have the ability
​to forget the names and faces
of those lost, those names
​and faces are seared into
​their minds and hearts with
​the hot iron of hate
that burns and never stops,
bringing a constant flow
of pain and tears.

​It's so easy for us to distance
ourselves, it happened in another
​country, another state, another town,
​it happened to another family,
​the pain stays away
it wouldn't happen here we think,
not here, not to us
Jul 31

Too Young

It broke my heart
​when you asked that,
​how worried you were,
​you're too young
​to be worrying about that,
to be worried about
​me dying while I
babysit you,
​you're too young
​to worry about death
at all, but I guess
​when one of your
​cousins dies,
​on only a year
younger than you,
you would worry,
you'd worry about
everyone you love
​just dropping dead.
​There one minute,
​gone the next.
​But he was also
too young to die.

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