Dec 18

And I Breathe (SONG)

And as we grasp the burning fire
Our lungs are exhaled into sparks as we drift higher
The poison burning from our lips
Struggling for a bitter grip
And I breathe
And I breathe
You are the mother of my wounds
You are the lover of my accusations
You take the ripples from my life
And put the ripples in this poison patience
And I breathe 
And I breathe
Push through the caverns with a lighter
That evermore will bring me dark
If I keep looking
We will fall into the binding 
The forest crumbles from my spark
And I breathe 
And I breathe
You are the mother of my wounds
You are the lover of my accusations
You take the ripples from my life
And put the ripples in this poison patience
And we breathe
And we breathe
And we breathe

Dec 02

Your Words

Your words make the sun shine brighter
And make the stars fall to earth in petals. 
Your words mean nothing to you
But everything to others. 
Please stay a little longer
So you can speak your mind
For as many hours as need be
And I will always be here
Listening to the honey of your words. 
 
Dec 02

Shadow

You were all I ever wanted to be
And yet I never despised you for it,
Instead I pretended as if you were never real
Only living in a book I once read
I can't remember when
All because I could never think to do anything 
But love you. 

You were all that I intended to be
But I would always be your shadow
If I had really followed what I had thought was my dream. 
I would have always compared myself to you
In ways that would be unfair to myself. 
It would go on
And on
And on
Until nothing anyone ever said would ever mean anything to me
Because I would give their words to you
And you would tear them letter by letter 
Apart in my own head
-or, at least, my version of you would.

You were all my past was following
But now I have my own future ahead of me, not yours.
I can not, will not, ever be you, or your shadow
Nov 10

Snow

She pauses, and puts a hand on her chin thoughtfully, 
Wishing that the fire crackling in the woodstove 
Would swollow up her thoughts 
And create a picture for her to watch 
Because it would be less painful
If it wasn't inside her head. 
The colors swirl 
And let her eyes inside the thought
But never let them out
As they fall like snow 
And melt like snow 
And dissapear like snow
But it is not snow
It is the fallen ash of her cloud
Of her thought
As bright as winter 
As cold as summer
For her hands will not rest 
Until all of the thoughts are thrown
D
  O
    W
       N
Onto the ground.
Maybe it's snow after all.  
Oct 29

I Hold On

When I play the piano 
It is like a torture of the sweetest and yet most cruel kind
As I can not play it
Fast enough to stop the burning in my fingers
That can never stop moving
Twitching
Tearing the paper in my pocket into shreds
And trying 
Over
And 
Over 
Again
To pour my heart into the old cracked ivory.
To catch up with my mind. 
The fingers on my left hand
Are calloused from the strings
Of my guitar, 
The pain that I felt when I was first learning,
When my fingers were not used to the bite and dig of the strings,
Is gone, though not much missed,
For the pain was the one thing that stopped my fingers
From drumming
From digging
From burning
And the burning is the one thing
That makes me keep playing 
Creating
I must play until I have nothing left
Until I stop ticking
Ticking
Ticking my life away
Oct 25

CONVERSATION YOU WOULD HAVE HEARD IF YOU HAD BEEN (FOR SOME UNKNOWN AND HOPEFULLY MADE UP REASON) LISTENING IN ON MY VACATION:

MOM:  It's almost tomorrow, and we have to leave tomorrow. You three should go to bed. 

SISTER: Okay. I'm tired. 'Night. 

BROTHER: I'm watching Spongebob before I'm going to bed. 

ME: I'm watching... um... *tries to come up with something clever and funny to say but is too tired.*

UNCLE: The inside of you eyelids? 

ME: That's such an old person thing to say! 

UNCLE: Ouch... that wouldn't have been as offensive if I said it ironically... but I actually thought it was funny... (Pretending to be angry:) Well, anyway, now I know what you're watching. Season three of Stranger Things! Oh, wait! You can't! You have to wait until 2019! HA!

ME; NOOOO!

UNCLE: (Still pretending to be angry:) Serves you right for calling me old! 

ME: (Pretending to be hurt:) You're cruel! *Five minutes later goes to bed and laughs for like an hour and keeps siblings awake.*
 
Oct 07

Fire

The sky is bright with sun
Killing the remains of the night

burn

burn


The day is dark as love
Swallowing our only cover

burn

burn


The fire is scalding hot
But only we will live

burn

burn


The coldness in our eyes
Will freeze your doubts

burn

burn


Hath no fear of the dark, of the cold
For it is fire that will betray

burn

burn
  


 
Sep 28

Boats

Sep 20

Freeze

     When I was eight years old, my mind began to find loopholes to obsess over in everyday life. Some things would randomly freak me out, and some things would bore me to death. One night, as I was lying in bed, I was obsessing over the image of a pool ball rolling on the green carpet in my mind. I fell asleep eventually, and when I did, the image of the ball rolling was still in my mind, but it was rolling closer and getting larger and larger, but it never seemed to reach me, and sometimes it would get small again and start its journey closer towards me all over again. The green carpet turned into grass that was getting torn up by the ball. 
     When the ball was at its smallest, it was so quiet that the silence was almost deafening, taking over every corner of my mind. As it got larger and larger, quick tapping sounds would grow louder until it was shattering me from the inside... 

Pages