Feb 27

Don’t Think


I love this life.
I don’t want to loose it.

And yet, everyday,
I’m scared I will.

I’m scared to go to public places
like protests
or the grocery store.

I’m scared to go
to high school next year,
scared that I’ll be trapped
in there like many others
before me.

I’m scared that one day
you and I
might be the next victims,
the next names
on a never ending list. 

I’m scared of myself.
I’m scared that I will burst
out crying in math class.

I can’t breathe
when I think about
Stoneman Douglas High School.
I can’t breathe when I think
about how similar we
are,
were,
could have been...
14 years old,
too much to live for. 

“Life is not meant to be wasted,”
I remind myself.

Don’t be scared. 

And still, 
it’s all I can
think about. 


Feb 22

To Mr. Trump

I cry myself to sleep
At night thinking
About the 17 DEAD 
In Parkland Florida. 

I cry myself to sleep
At night wondering
“Who’s next?”

I cry myself to sleep
At night wondering
Who those kids loved,
Who loved them? 

I cry myself to sleep 
Wondering
Why you can’t comprehend
The problem here? 

I cry myself to sleep
Because my school 
And my friends 
Could be the next 
Numbers 
On a chart.

I cry myself to sleep 
Because I’m so little. 
I have a voice you know,
I’m not as insignificant
As you might think. 
I KNOW HOW TO SCREAM. 

You don’t seem to care. 


So what can we do? 
What can I say,
What can WE say
That will make you understand
That we’re not safe...
We’re not safe at all. 
And those innocent kids who die
Because your not listening 
Feb 20

Sunshine Song


I know it’s late,
probably too late
to think properly 
but I love the dark 
and the silence 
and the soft promise of sunshine
sometime soon.

I sleep in a tight ball
with the mountains 
as guardians
and the hidden clouds as comfort.

Maybe we should all learn
to drink a little more stardust
in our coffee each morning.

Maybe we should stop
biting our nails
and dance around the kitchen a little.  

Never forget how alive 
you are in the moonlight.
Goodnight 


 
Feb 19

4pm: Ticonderoga, NY

Feb 16

Running A Maze

thump, thump, thump
the identity of one
who never gets to scream

thump, thump, thump 
the stolen books beneath a seam

thump, thump, thump 
the carved out rind on a empty platter
  
thump, thump, thump 
the silence of your broken splatter 

thump, thump, thump
some written verse never sung

thump, thump, thump 
one old lost tale, never spun 

thump, thump, thump 
to the ones who never
learn to fly,
greater marvels of the sky
 
you always seem to say goodbye 
 
Feb 16

Breathing Fire

This inability 
to write,
to talk,
to scream
has caged me.

Ripped me up
from the inside out. 

I hate it
when I can’t pull
whole sentences together
like I used too.
I can’t breathe when that happens,
can’t seem to catch
my thoughts in one solid net
like usual...
it’s suffocating. 

Today was was the day
I learned that not everything
comes as easy
as it’s always supposed too.

Take a break, learn to breathe...
words are always
on the tip of your tongue.
 
Feb 09

Five Days and Counting

Day one: 
The day it started was cold,
wind blowing,
almost too desolate to think.
You didn't smile like usual.
I didn't ask why.
I cried that night,
I didn't know why.

Day two:
You smiled when you saw me;
it was warmer that day,
enough to make us shed our sweatshirts
and run laps
around the garden.
I hoped you felt better...
that was something that hadn't happend
to me in a long time.

I smiled more that day
than I had in four months. 

Day Three:
I watched you the whole day,
in a sort of trance.
You didn't seem to notice...
or you did
and didn't want to admit 
that my eyes
were too much to push away. 

You made me happier
than ever before.
Thank you. 

Day four:
I liked the way you held my hand.
You sent an eletrical shock
all the way down to my toes. 

Feb 09

Ceiling Paint

My happiness sticks to the ceiling
like it was glued there
when the house was built.

Almost as if it was meant
to float to the sky
but instead got caught tightly
in the hands of reality.

I peeled it off today. 
You like the look of clean white paint
so close to the sky.
And, I'll admit,
it does kinda look like the clouds...
I might actually like it. 

I'm not sure you understand
how good it feels
to have that part of me
back in my chest. 


 
Feb 08

Tidal Wave

This is the feeling
I get when everyting
falls to pieces...
a sort of great shattering
that reverberates through my body,
down my spine,
out the tips of my fingers.

You sound hurt
on the other end of the phone,
stuffed up and lost,
like no one ever
looks
at you anymore.

It's not true... I do.

I hope you know that sometimes
I shatter too.

I don't smile,
can't seem to remember
how to breathe.

I know that's the way
you feel now:
suffocated,
snuffed out,
almost to close to the ground
to drop anymore.

"How do you do that,"
They ask.
"how do you shatter so much
you forget where to fall?" 

But, I don't choose which way I fall...
it just happens. 


 
Feb 05

Learning to Fly (don't mention my wings)


There are times
I question my very existence.

I know it might sound cliche
but I hope you learn
it's not.

And, it's as far
as one can get
from lying. 

It starts often,
when I look in your eyes.

I don't know what triggers it,
just something in those circles  
of deep, brown
(almost like my chocolate milk)
that makes me think 
"Hey, why are you here anyways?" 
and I'll always shoot back 
"Well because you are... duh." 
but it's never quite that simple,
nothing ever is.

Not even your smile,
the purest thing I have ever known,
is that easy to figure out. 

Even you can tell 
we're not all here
because we were chosen
by some God or greater power...
we're probably here by accident. 

After all, why else would I be alive,
experiencing all this untamed
(accidental), 

Pages