Nov 28

interest in the pig snorts



you think my hair is strange,
just because it isn’t straight and regular.
you think my nose is too wide,
and long,
and not proportioned in any direction it goes.
you think my eyes are plain
and not interesting,
not in the slightest.
you think
that my laugh sounds like a pig snorting.
but I think that my hair is good hair.
I think that my nose isn’t too wide or long.
I don’t think my eyes are plain.
they’re not stunning,
but that doesn’t mean they’re ugly.
and I don’t care if I sometimes snort when I laugh,
because at least I’m enjoying myself when I’m laughing.
and you may never take the slightest bit of interest in me,
might always think I’m butt-ugly,
might always think of me as
the girl who has too much confidence.
but I could stop investing my time in you,
faster than a quick snap of the fingers.
and you sure don’t seem
to need me in your life.
Audio download:
12.11.17.PigSnorts.mp3
Nov 11

you destroy my morals

Before you read this, I would like to say that I wrote this during a very fast thought stream and it is very rough and could be a little hard to follow.

Why can't I be myself around you?

Whenever you start talking, my ideas shut down and I get tongue-tied.

You are the cat who has caught my tongue.

I want to tell you that this is what's happening, right now, in this very world!  Stop saying that! We can do anything we want to. You have to stop holding us back.

A couple times I've gotten close to telling you to stop. I interrupted you and said that girls can wear whatever they want. And you said, "Yeah, but..." and continued on. So I shut down. 

And all the other girls think you're so great, but I really don't think that sometimes. What if you hold me back? I can't let that happen. 
Nov 11

surrealism poem #2

If this world
were gone
and done
(no more life-supporting floating sphere)

Then we would have gone
to a coffee shop. No no no no no,
I do not know where we would
find it, but it would be there.

Therefore, we could watch
the light show
snacking on snookies
in the glorious company we give to each other.


 
Nov 11

surrealism poem #1

If you
and I
were the only people left
in this crazy world

Then we
would always stay friends.
We would talk about
normal (but strange) things.

Therefore we would get
to know each other.
And bask in the light
of each other's company.
 
Nov 11

cloudy haze

I don't know who I am.

Right now I'm here, in this
place with four walls,
that are currently enclosing on me.

Just a minute ago I was
with you, on the dance
floor, in a cloudy haze.

And soon this will be over
too, and then I will be
back where I started,

only to grind my brain
with numbers and to force
myself to write a 

structured paragraph.
the definition of a
living nightmare.

I don't know who I am.

I'm not sure if
my name is really mine,
or if the place where I

sleep at night screams
my personality, if I even
have one.

I don't know who I am.



 
Oct 24

How do you Tell if You're in Love?

How do you tell if you're in love?

I've heard two different definitions of love, not counting the one on google.

I read the first one a couple years ago, in the book Goodbye Stranger by Rebecca Stead. It's an amazing book, worth reading if you get the chance. Anyways, in the book one of the main characters has to write a definition of love for class, so she writes, "Love is when you like someone so much that you can't call it like, so you have to call it love." Which I think is a pretty good definition.

I heard the second one when I was watching "The Bachelorette" with my cousin during the summer. (Don't worry, this seems heartfelt and real to me. Not too cliche). The mother of the bachelorette says that to her, "love is not wanting to live without someone in your life." Which applies to a romantic partner, family, friends, pets, etc.

If you look up the definition of love on google, you get this:


love
ləv/
Oct 24

C R U S H ?

Lordy boy,
what have you done?
What've you done to me?

I can't keep myself from you.
Nearly every time we're together, 

I end up spilling my heart out.

I tell myself
that you do not care.
I tell myself
that I'm just the same as everyone else to you.
I try to tell myself that whatever I do,
out-of-school movies have no effect on you,
though we haven't been in a while.

And I scream at myself that I do not have a crush on you.

It's such an awful word, crush
Don't I know you too well to have a crush?

CRUSH
noun

2. informal
a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable or inappropriate.

And the definition is not applicable for us.
You are attanainable and appropriate for me.
And this isn't brief.

But most importantly,
I tell myself that
you 
do not
Sep 18

Camp. A home.

I miss it-
but-
I don't.

Don't go taking that the wrong way now,
I miss it much more than I don't.

I miss it for the pizza nights,
whispers of
best friends forever, but don't tell,
sitting on the adirondack chairs and
trading friendship bracelets while talking (laughing)
about anything,
everything,
nothing.

I even miss those I wouldn't have expected to miss.

I miss the sense of belonging,
crawling into our beds after a day of spontaneous fun.

I don't miss some of the people though,
I could've done without them.
I suspect we all didn't exactly need them there.

I just want to go back, rewind in time, and do it all again
(with a few things changed around, of course.)
Be with those 9 people again, who I loved so much.

We all loved each other with a ferocity. 
And -hopefully- we all miss each other with a passion,
Jul 08

Here I'll Stay

but alas here I am, 
wishing you were here
to tell me that even in a sweatshirt and leggings
I look nice 
to give me one of those hugs that you used to hug me with,
hoping I would never let go
but isn't it my fault that we're apart
that you'll probably get a new girlfriend 
and forget all about me 
but alas,
here I am
and here I'll stay.

 
Jul 08

short-but-sweet

We had a short-but-sweet time together.

It just wasn't kind enough?
It just wasn't good enough?


Those are some things people must be thinking,
but really,
I just didn't like it.
I don't know why
It was more than good enough
But
It wasn't right
I didn't feel it the way he felt it.

So I ended it.

Nevertheless, we did have a short-but-sweet time, in the sun, on the porch, relaxed.
 

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