Everything has a heartbeat,
when you think about it.

In machinery, it's the gentle thrum
of the parts clicking together like
they should.

I learned this sitting in a slanted car,
hum and buzz surrounding me as
we flipped upside down.

In forests, it's the trees
that rustle back and forth,
the animals scurrying around
like the constant beat of a drum.

I learned this when we played together
in the forest that i catch a glimpse of 
through the window,
while the entire world is tumbling and turning.

In water, it's the constant rocking back and forth,
or bump thumping over
river rocks and flowing fast and ever constant.

I learned this as i sunk into the lake, 
looking up at the surface,
and for a moment, i swear,
i can almost see the stars.

Humans have heartbeats too,

Once there was a little girl
who had an elephant.

it is not clear how it came about,
but she loved it.

one day she decided that she wanted
to go to the house up the street,

where the humans were,
for she lived with others,

people she had created out of ink and paper,
enchanted and kind, but untouchable.

she came up to the door,
and read the sign that hung on the door.

STRICTLY NO ELEPHANTS
read the sign in the big bold letters.

she looked at her elephant,
with eyes made of rain and chocolate,

and sat on the stoop and began to think,
grabbing a pen and paper.

the people inside the house read the little girl's paper,
the paper that was stuck on the door,

some began to weep for what they had lost
to get into the house.

some began to long, long for the outside world

“ your aunt has cancer.”

No.

takeafastbreathinclose
youreyes,trynottoletitall
comepouringout.

how
could 
this
happen?

thisdoesnthappen,nottous
maybetootherpeoplebut
nottouspleasegodwhere
areyou?

”how bad is it?”

please.

icantlethergo,
howcananyoneletanyone
go,it’sunthinkablethata
fewcellsgrowinginsidehermight
takeheraway.

only
in
the
middle
stages.

thetearscomerippingout
andicantcontrolthemanymore,
thereisnostoptothesadness
anditfeelslikeaholeis
beingtorninsideofme,
fabricteraingapartwithaharshpull.

”are you ok?” 

howcouldanyonebeokay,
iamnotokaybutilookaroundand

i’ve
got
to
be
strong.

”yes”
 

*i wanted to inform you guys that i'm not going to be able to update because i'm going to camp for three weeks without internet. see you on the other side of summer!


the thump of the music
echoes in your chest like
a heartbeat.

the people mix around, 
dance with their bodies
shaking and cups in the air 
like a silent toast

the smell of food that 
wafts through the air,
silky temptation that pulls you in.

strings of words held up
by clothing pins, 
small messages left
against the bright yellow.

bright things being sipped
out of plastic cups and 
long lines at the sides of food trucks.

a rushing 
roaring
waterfall to gaze to,
mesmerized by the splash 
that sprays across the 
roiling blue. 

it's summertime. 
 

(Why can't you 
loosen up a little, 
let go?)

Said the boy, 
his eyes quizically turning
and twisting in the light.

I laughed, 
my hollow voice not 
the only noise creeping
loud and dark 
within my mind.

(Maybe if i was you.)
I replied, looking out
at the twisted expanses 
that lay stretched before me.

His eyebrows furrowed and
i could almost see the 
questions knitting themselves
in between them.

(Let me clarify.)
I said, my features clearing out.

(When you make a 
mistake, when you lose control
when you mess up, 
the headline will be)

Teenage Boy Makes Mistake

(When i mess up, which i
hope will never happen,
when i lose control,
swerving in and out,
the headline will be)

Iranian-American Muslim Immigrant Loses Control.

"what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

No.

what doesn't kill you
hammers at your heart 
and leaves cracks there,
sometimes wide,
sometimes miniscule,
for everyone to see.

what doesn't kill you 
gives you pain until you feel
like you want to scream,
agony like a hot knife, 
and the cuts and the blood
flow like the red sea,
giving you scars so that you will 
never forget.

what doesn't kill you 
stays in your mind, 
paralyzing you with fear until 
the very thought of doing 
anything but sitting there and 
shaking is unbearable reliving
over and over again.

what doesn't kill you
makes the shadows under your eyes,
makes the long tortured nights
where you toss and turn, 
trying to escape from the nightmare,
and when you are awake, 
it makes you want to escape from all 

Another school shooting
has occured today.
crackles a voice 
ocer the rado.
There is one official death
reported so far-
and then my father clicks 
off the radio and silence reigns,
staring out at the countryside 
that passes.

Just because it happens
doesn't mean we talk about it.
and the silence reigns.

There has been two other
accusations of sexual assault today,
of prominent men-
The TV is cut off by a hand
on the remote as widened eyes
gape at the blank TV screen,
news reel still playing on repeat
inside my head.

Just because it happens,
doesn't mean we talk about it.
and the silence reigns.

There was another protest 
in the streets,
I hear my parents whisper
The situation is not safe,
not good.

all i can think of
is how when i found
out i 
didn't even bat an 
eyelash because of course
nothing changed,
how could i expect anything to change?

I first heard right before 
our school dance and all i could think
was "oh, another one? again?"
while we were
dancing through the dark those students
were screaming through the night
as they relived the bullets cutting
through the air.

After all, this is America,
where we desensitize the hysteria
and on one side of the nation
students are having fun in the school gym
and on the other students are
bleeding onto the floor of the school gym.

all i can think of 
is how, at my track meet,
there were the echoing sounds of
either gunfire or
fireworks going through the woods,
of how you quickly learn to know
the difference.
They were gunshots, not 
firecrackers.

blue 
red 
blue 
red
oh no
blue 
red 
blue
red 
Hello, officer, I-
blue
red 
blue
red
get out of the car! now!
blue 
red 
blue 
red
Hands behind your back!
blue 
red
blue
red
what'd I do, officer?
blue 
red
blue 
red
shut up!
blue 
red 
blue 
red
please, officer i was only trying to get home-
blue 
red 
blue
red
blue
one more word and i'll shoot!
blue 
red
blue
red
blue
please, officer-
blue 
red
blue 
red
Shut UP!
blue 
red 
blue
red
blue 
red
gray
of a gun drawn
out and 
one
two 
three
shots 
and
red
red
red
draining from
the body and