Jan 17

try not to stare

there they were, in my public library.
i wasn't quite sure if it was,
but it was later confirmed as i saw them walking with a teacher from my school.
i sucked in my breath as i passed them,
and looked at the ground.
and behind the fiction section,
a clear veiw in between two books,
i tried not to stare.

before it came out,
they were a normal person in my school.
i didn't know them.
i didn't really think much of them,
and by that i really didn't have anything nice to say about them,
or really any reason to judge.

but they had a secret.
one that made me wonder
how on earth all the anger and hatred in our world has come to this.
one that kept the clock ticking in my head,
my eyes on my paper,
but at the same time,
very far away from it.
one that made local newspaper headlines burst.
one that kept us on the edge that whole week and beyond that,
Jan 13

the truth about where i stand

I have always questioned where I stand in school. I don't want to become separated. I don't want to have to hide anything or lie to any friend. I don't want to fall behind in school, and yes, I am a try-hard. But I also really, deep down, care about how I am viewed. Some of my friends now say to ignore the gossip, and that another group of girls are just not worth listening to while they talk behind people's backs. Which is why I pretty much dress like how many other girls my age do, and try to not say the "wrong" thing.

Here, I'm going to be brutally honest.
Jan 13

550 Words (I MAY have gone over...)

The wind plays with your hair and makes you want to swirl and fly along with it.
It’s the time when there’s a certain off-silence in the air, and a steady hum is in your ear,
composed of that unique orchestra of nature.
As the sun sets, the most true, vibrant colors paint the sky
and leak their light across the blanket of green spread below you.
As time wears, the colors fade and the vast space above is dimming to a dark blue,
that beauty almost making you forget what you had come for, what you’ve waited for.
The wind is biting a little bit stronger at your face and bare feet now.
Finally, a burst of tiny flecks illuminate the darkness.
You breathe in deeply, and raise your head to find the answers you’ve been waiting for,
written in the stars.
Jan 13

silent cry

nobody else really knows what happens
when hot tears make my skin blotchy,
when my hands are shaking
and my palms sticky with sweat,
when i'll say it's my stomach or head
that's hurting,
when deep in my eyes pain is churning . . .

but i guess i don't either.

it's the time when you feel everything you've ever known or loved has turned away.
it's the time when your heartbeat echos in your head,
and with every pulse something more familiar and comforting
is pulled away from your desparate grasp.
it's the time when you want the screams inside to come out,
when you want your cries to be heard
and when you want this wicked hurricane inside to be tamed.

but something drags them back within you,
making them boil and churn inside with so much more force.
making those tears flow heavier,
your ragged breaths more desperate,
and your eyes glassed over with this agony and betrayal.
Dec 20

it's the kind of thing that could never happen to you (11:59)

Editor's Note: This poem and the following piece, "What Almost Happened" were written in response to a thwarted school shooting in Middlebury this week (Addison Independent story). 

the word came as a message from our superintendent
then of course all the rumors and opinions came
and they all came down at once
and my head couldn't take all of the jumbled whispers
words that we were supposed to take as
"don't freak out"
and questions from everyone.

"omg, i like, said bye to all my friends this morning,"
she said laughing.
"i am like so scared"

but the police were there
so of course we were all safe
or so they said.

11:59
that was the time.
we all knew it.
we all held our breath as we watched the clock.
Nov 12

I've never seen death

i've never before seen death.

i've never heard a gunshot
and see a body fall to the floor.

i've never seen blood spill from within and soak the shirt of the victim
who will now draw their last breaths.

i've never seen a body in a casket,
and heave heavy sobs as i clutch the cold,
lifeless hand of a friend or family member.

i've never felt the deep hole in my chest,
throbbing with every heartbeat that had been taken away.

and i've never felt that pain,
heartbreak,
deep ache
of the longing for a life to have been spared.

i don't know what people experience
when they see glass shadder and a classmate bleeding and motionless
on the floor.
i don't know how it feels
to have someone loved ripped away from the world.

yes, i haven't seen death.
i wish i never would,
but i know that it will happen.

tell me
what is it like?
Oct 02

The Confusing and Unreasonable Logic of Homework

I don't understand the logic of homework. Here are the reasons why: (please bear with me)
  1. We work for just about 6 hours at school, for those of us in elementary school, middle school, and most high schools. If we work for this long, is it necessary to go home just to return to what we should have been doing for the whole day? Yes, we do want time to practice, but classes are meant for not only teaching, but practicing this new skill as well. If you don't have enough time to actually do work and practice skills in school, and just listen to a teacher drone on for the whole period, something is wrong.
  2. Much of my time now is taken up with homework. The amount of homework that is given on a regular basis is too much. If having homework at all was a problem, now try four or five hours a night. This all leads to stress and even falling behind in school. Sometimes I suffer from stress, and that makes me irritable, frazzled, and super worried about even the randomest things.
Oct 02

Right and Wrong (The simple difference)

You are wrong when you say
"feminists cannot make change."

You are wrong when you say
I cannot be part of that change,
and contribute to something
that the world has never seen before.

You are wrong when you say
that I do things like a girl,
with that teasing tone,
when I am a girl,
and you struggled to keep up,
you struggled to go the distance.

You are wrong when you say
I'm not strong enough
I'm not brave enough
I'm not "man" enough,
when I know that I am brave and strong.
You want me to prove it?

You are wrong when you say
I did absolutely nothing
when my group just created something incredible,
changed something once considered unchangable,
conquered something that nobody has ever conquered before.
What have you done?

I know I am right when I say
I don't have to prove anything.
I don't owe you anything.
Oct 02

Who I Am Supposed To Be

What am I supposed to be?

Suddenly,
everyone else knows who they are.
Not just their title.
What's beyond the surface.
What gives them energy,
and what makes them up.

Suddenly,
I am the one and only human being
on this cruel world.
And I am floating.
Will I ever find solid ground?

Suddenly,
everyone else knows just what to say
and when to say it.
Including those words that believe me,
hurt like a thousand knives.
But you know what your place is,
and so does everyone else.
So they laugh.
They stand with you.
And I am alone
because I can't find the words
that I am choking on.

Suddenly,
I can't feel when I hurt people
who do love me.
I couldn't see that they cared.
The tears and pain...
it blinded me.
And now I have a monster inside me
that I cannot control.
So they are afraid.
Aug 10

when a storm breaks

I can't even see it.
I can't even see
the end to this emptiness.
Darkness.
Deep, deep.
It pulses.
It feels
as though nobody is here.
Nobody cares.
Nobody is listening.

It shows like a thundercloud
swirling within my eyes.
Flashing like lightning.
Dark clouds getting darker.
Thunder getting louder.
All sounds from around
echo
somewhere in my mind.

I can't feel
anything.
I can't hold on
to keep from falling
like the other times.

This time I have fallen.

As thunder booms,
my fists clench.
My words lash out sharply
like bursts of lightning.
Uncontrolled,
in sudden bursts.

But within,
beneath the swirling typhoon,
there is just one thing I am pleading.

Help.

Help me.

But when I can't see the light at the end,

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