Nov 08

welcome back.

What the hell did you expect from me? 
To just welcome you back with open arms?
To just act like nothing happened?
You found a loophole, congrats.
You found a way to break me again.

 
Nov 08

To The One(s)

To the ones who feel like family, who helped keep me on track. 

To the ones who feel like parents.

To the one who feels like a grandmother.

To the ones who kept me out of trouble.

To the ones who feel like siblings.

To the ones who feel like aunts and uncles.

To the one who helped me through my darkest time.

To the one I can always laugh with.

 
Nov 08

The Steps

That moment a child sees their parents cry, they realize something. The world isn’t everything they thought it was. 

That is around six or seven. Say twelve, is when it gets real.

Your mom is broken. She can’t stop crying. She can’t be the adult.

There is no adult.

There is an adult.

You step up, you take the role of the adult.

Step one:

Take care of everyone.

Mom’s eating? Check.

Sister’s under control? Check.

Your needs are taken care of?



That can wait.

Step two:

Pretend.

Pretend everything is okay.

Smile, talk, laugh, repeat.

Keep doing that.

Don’t let anybody in.

Have your excuses ready.

You’re just tired.

You just had health class.

One of your favorite characters got hurt.

Don’t let them know.

Step three:
Nov 08

Dear Mom,

January, 2018

Dear Mom,

I’m sorry I’m not perfect.

I’m sorry I’m not the daughter you wanted.

I’m sorry I’m not cis, straight, feminine, pretty, or anything all the other girls are.

I’m sorry I’m not strong, sporty, stupid, social, popular, or anything all the other guys are.

I’m pan, ace, fluid, smart, queer, nerdy, geeky, dorky, and a mess. 

I remember the day you came into my room.

“Maddie, are you this?” 

Your face is in a look of disgust as you hold up that T-shirt.

That T-shirt,

My T-shirt.

It shows an intersex symbol of the front and reads “Question Gender” on the back.

I can’t respond.

You get it out of me eventually, then rant.

“It’s not cool to be this!”

“It’s going to make your life hell!”

I’m forced to sit and listen to you yell.

I only understand one thing from it.
Nov 08

Shout

Look at me, tell me what you see

A broken shell, nothing left to tell

Leave me here, steer clear

Stay away, keep at bay
I can’t scream, I can’t shout

I can’t let it out

I can’t let you know how I feel, even though the pain is real

I can’t mutter, I can’t cry

All I can do is sit and die
I’m alone, you’re not here

I never was good enough, was I dear?

Made you feel what was real

Hurt, hate, nothing is safe
I can’t scream, I can’t shout

I can’t let it out

I can’t let you know how I feel, even though the pain is real

I can’t mutter, I can’t cry

All I can do is sit and die
All the hurt, all the hate.

Seeping deep into my grave

I can’t feel, nothing’s real

Until you open up my seal
Let me scream, let me shout

Let me get it all out
Oct 09

My Song

Don't you dare try to tell me
"It's all my fault," to get my sympathy.
Don't you dare turn around and tell everyone "she's just crazy"
That "she broke me"
Like you did nothing 
Nothing to me.
You threw me in the dirt. 
Stabbed me in the back while you promised you'd watch it.
You stepped on me, threw me, kicked me, left me to die when you were done.
You did your best to cover your tracks:
Deleted the texts,
Splattered my name over everything wrong you did,
Twisted the tale.
You were the victim and I was the aggressor.
I did everything.
It's time to sing my truth in the only way I can.
I can tell you everyone who warned me.
I can tell you everyone's name you ruined.
I can tell the world.
But I won't.
I will tell the tale once.
I won't say your name, I'll never say it again. 
I can say that you took my voice from me.
I can say you hit me more than once.
Jun 11

Dear Me

6/7/19
Prompt: "Dear me, Please remember"

Dear me, please remember

You're a mess, a beautiful mess

The world is a stage, your stage

You've loved before, you can love again

You've made mistakes, you can learn from them

You're never alone, never again

You hate yourself, but others love you

Think of them, always, keep them in your heart

You've broken promises, you can keep new ones

You can change to be the person you want to be

"Yet Caesar shall go forth," live by that

You might not win awards, but that's okay

We'll write to you always, all of us.

You can make it through.
Jun 11

"This summer I discovered..."

8/29/18

Prompt: "This summer I discovered..."

This summer I discovered a little bird. It was small, only a chick, but with feathers as orange as flames, and a beak as black as coal. I picked it up, their small red eyes blinking at me in confusion as it chirped quietly. I stroked it's [feathers] as I cradled it in my arms, whispering words of reassurance it couldn't understand. I searched the area as thoroughly as I could, trying to find the strange bird's nest, to no avail. I finally sighed in defeat and headed home, the bird sleeping in my arms.
Jun 11

Imagine a world in which...

3/16/18

Prompt: "Imagine a world in which"

Imagine a world in which there was no hate. No one was rejected because they were different. Discrimination didn't exist. Prejudice was eliminated long ago. No one was afraid to go to school, or outside at all. Jails were empty because no one needed to use drugs or alcohol to be happy. People would join together to talk about saving a species, not about giving a minority equal rights [because the minorities already had them]. Murders had stopped because no one was pushed that far anymore. There were no scrawling of "kill yourself" on lockers, and slurs weren't thrown around anymore. People could respect differences instead of making people feel bad about them. People no longer had to protest a brand because of their practices. 
 
Jun 11

I was daydreaming and I...

3/9/18

Prompt: I was daydreaming and I...

I was daydreaming and suddenly I felt myself fly. Up off the ground and into the sky. I watched the birds as they passed me by, and I decided to follow their Y. I kept going 'till I saw the sky move. It bounced and it wriggled and moved back and forth. I made the decision to turn and head north, away from the sky that was moving so suddenly. I looked down and saw the ocean blue and noticed it was bubbling as the wind blew. I saw the mountain from which I had come and decided to head to the haven I made. I moved swiftly, ocean and sky passing me by, and landed at home just in time. When I went inside, I told my mom; "I can fly!"
 

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