May 25

Aging

When I was 14 years old I regretted being born.
Telling my mother I self harm was probably the worst decision I had ever made.
The disappointment on her face made me want to completely disappear.
It was as if I was always supposed to be happy, and I had failed her.
When I was 15 years old I regretted not keeping my mouth shut.
I guess depression isn't real, and if I worked hard labor I would really know what it's like to hurt.
When I was 16 years old I regretted crying so much.
I have anxiety, and that's perfectly okay.
I just have to say what I'm feeling to others, not keep it inside.
When I was 17 years old I stopped regretting the decision I had made at the age of 14 to stay alive.
 
May 23

Handle With Care

People should come with signs,
'Loves very easily'
'Has trust issues'
Just so we know exactly what we're getting into.
'Will definitely fuck you over'
'Lies a lot'
Because if we try to blindly make friendships with people
it's only fair to understand each others flaws.
So we all have the ability to handle each other with care
if that is what is deserved.
May 15

Regret

Regret.
It’s kind of funny when you think about it.
The fact that this one little word has so much emotion packed into it,
And not the good kind either.
It was November of last year, I came into work at the usual 4:35 for my 5:00 shift, but something seemed different about that day.
I was startled to see a boy, around my age, that I’ve never seen before, sitting in the chair we use to take breaks.
I froze immediately, then tried to back up slowly so I wouldn’t have to talk to this boy, but he looked up and I was caught.
We took our time analyzing each other; he had curly brown hair, bushy eyebrows, and was dressed like he definitely wasn’t working at Journeys: with grey Toms, black jeans, and a white button up.
Not sure how to actually start a conversation, I instead took the cowards way out.
“WHO’S THIS GUY IN THE BACK AND WHY IS HE HERE!?” I could feel my face turning pink at this point, there was honestly no turning back now.
Apr 24

False Hope

There I stood,
Watching you,
With my heart in your hands,
Holding it carefully as to not crush it.
Your soft eyes met my broken ones,
You said, ‘It’s going to be okay’
For once I allowed myself to believe you.
I held onto those words for so long,
And thought that,
If I didn’t,
I might lose you too.
But it did me no good.
Because in the end,
I did.
 
Apr 10

Recalling Something I Lost and Never Got Back

I remember the older version of myself. The one that got lost in a storm of hate and heartbreak. That me was strong. She held onto the happiness in her life for so long and tried immensely to get back up after life pushed her down. I’m not sure what broke that part of me, or what the final straw was, but she disappeared. Leaving behind a lonely, angry and vulnerable version of what once was. I’m trying to enjoy my time here on this Earth, I really am. But there is something holding me back. Is it the happy-go-lucky girl of my past? Or is it the sad, and more importantly, broken, girl I see when I look in the mirror..? I don’t think I’ll ever really know.
 
Apr 10

???

I've come to terms with the fact that
I am
Unlovable.
And everyone that comes into my life is only temporarily here.
Who would actually want to stay?
I’m just a bitter girl,
With a heart that's been broken
Far too many times to count.
 
Apr 10

Stuck

(I realized it's been a while since I've posted anything, but I've been hoarding a few pieces).

Stuck.

That’s exactly what I am.

Feet glued to this tiny town,

And all of its close-minded people.

Each of them unwilling to hear about the real world,

And everything that is in store with it.

 
Mar 06

Untitled Society Poem

(This is the first draft so my apologies for any mistakes, also if you are easily offended then whoops this probably isn't for you).

I’m angry.
And before all of you go and try to cut me off because ‘oh Bekkah you’re always angry’ let me tell you a few reasons why.
I’m angry because poor people are staying poor and rich people are staying rich.
I’m angry because the people that say they want equality for all are the same exact people that are jacking up the prices of healthy foods.
How is the boy down the street from me with a single mother and three siblings supposed to eat the ‘right way’ when they can’t afford it?
I am so incredibly pissed off at the fact that those people that are making healthy food more expensive are also the ones that don’t want to ‘take away’ people’s guns because obviously, the second amendment is more important than a child’s life.
Feb 14

Who Am I?

The other day I was told that I'm an open book.
I ran away crying.
Why does everyone think they know me?
Especially when I don't even know myself.
The pages of my story have been 
Ripped out,
Stomped on,
And burned.
No one knows the 'real' me.
If there even is such a thing. 
 
Feb 12

A Deadly Silence

They say there is a light at the end of every dark tunnel.
Yet there seems to be no light for me.
Every day that passes by
I become more and more
Hopeless.
My eyes blink rapidly as I try to stay awake,
Sleepless nights are a regular thing now.
The emptiness has consumed me.
There is a time in everyone’s life where they feel as though they have had enough.
I think I have reached this.
I have been
Beaten,
Battered,
And dropped too many times.
My pieces seem too scattered to be picked up again.
I just wish that there was someone,
Anyone,
That would help put me back together once more.

 

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