May 12

gone now

a love letter to gone now by bleachers

the song slips from the speakers:
everybody lost somebody
which begs the question:
who have we lost?

i look around the room and see
the boy who lost his father
to a lifetime of anger and resentment

the boy who lost his best friend
he recovered and he’s stonger than ever
but he knows he’s about to lose another

the boy who lost his mother
and simultaneously
can’t seem to lose his mother
no matter how hard he tries

the boy who lost his soul
to his shadows and his demons
yet he sits here today, still alive,
still free

and i wonder:
who have i lost?
i have lost so much,
counless friends,
countless memories but
at the end of the day
the only person i’ve truly lost
is myself

yet sitting here in this room,
i find myself
still here, unlost,
Feb 21

survival guide

perception
you learn to read between the lines,
never take anything at face value
the ability to pick safety out of a crowd
you learn how to find the truth
because the lies can only fool you once

your edge
because if you can make them feel even
a fraction of what they make you feel
then maybe they'll leave you alone,
maybe they'll go easy on you

you have to learn when to be quiet
because your thoughts are dangerous,
your ideas threatening
because you have to pick between
being truthful and being safe

how to blend into a crowd
how to survive the day undetected
they can do you no harm
if they can never find you
you give up parts of yourself
for permission to exist

and through it all you learn
how to find each other
and how to care for each other
because the world is scary and
sometimes all we have is each other
Feb 14

enough

why do we romanticize dependency,
obsession, feeling incomplete?
why not celebrate
strength, independence,
being there for yourself?

is it because
our idea of the perfect romance
relies on insecurity?

if everyone believed
that they're enough,
that they don't need
someone else to complete them,
how many multi-million dollar
industries would collapse?

why does our world
revolve around insecurity?

will we ever be
satisfied with ourselves?

will we ever be enough? 
 
Dec 02

science/fiction

the digital sky turns purple as it sobs

the world crashes to a halt

somewhere, someone cries out,

is this the end?

and as suddenly as it started,

everything is still

except for the constant ticking

of the surrounding universe
Nov 30

light

everything would change
if you could only see it
in a different light

by firelight
problems dissolve
with laughter because
the world is okay

by neon light
beauty is everywhere.
enhanced by the color and the glow,
but it feels so temporary

by fluorescent light
exhaustion thickens like
smoke, filling the air,
infecting my lungs

by sunlight
the world is warm,
thriving, as problems melt away,
leaving room to grow

by candlelight
the world seems
just out of reach
but maybe that's okay

Nov 10

resilience


you feel it first in your throat
shock
then in the bottom of your stomach
dread
then finally it inflates, filling your lungs
fear

underneath it all,
there's a spark of something
that pushes you
to be a little bolder
to speak a little louder
because if you stop caring
then there will be no one left to care

someone has to carry the spark
and although tending to the fire in your soul
is exhausting
you can finally find comfort and safety
in the house you've built for yourself
Oct 03

my skin

i carry

my past in my shoulders
and my caution
in the knots in my stomach

my exhaustion lives in
the arches of my feet
and the space behind my eyes

i hold empathy in my chest,
hidden behind my lungs,
where you'll find my secrets

i carry my stress in my spine
and my anger
in the bottom of my stomach

in my hands,
my health in my fingertips and
ambition in my knuckles and
creation in my palms

i carry my own story and
it lives within my skin,
waiting to be heard,
waiting to be told

 
Sep 23

sunflower

fall is the season of decay

today i cut my flowers
because at the first sign of death
i must preserve all other signs of life

i built a corpse out of their leaves
but
discovered that i couldn't bear
to leave their fallen petals behind
so i walked home
with a trail of their yellow light
falling out of my pockets
Aug 25

green silk and marigold hearts

today the sky is red,
as red as life
red like resilience
rosy and animated,
filling me with hope.

today the sky is orange,
orange like healing,
orange like recovery,
sweet like cinnamon,
with victory on the horizon.

today the sky is yellow
like shining sunlight,
the gift of warmth
from the universe,
a reminder to breathe.

today the sky is green,
like the earth and nature below me,
softly shaking in the breeze
it makes you feel whole
with the intent of grounding you.

today the sky is blue,
and bittersweet peace
dances through the air
despite it all,
we come to terms with the truth.

today the sky is purple,
magical, spiritual,
and although we are apart,
the spirit, the heartbeat,
the connection lives within our souls.

and now the sky is pale,
neutral, unknown
the future is uncertain
Jul 11

black tea (smells like home)

terroir (n.)
1. the characteristics of the environment
in which a food or wine is produced, including
regional and local climate, soil,
and topography.

2. the flavor imparted to
a food or wine by
such characteristics

but are we not the same?
are we not also products of our soil and the air we breathe,
our regions and our cultures?
are we not created by those around us, by
friends and families and
teachers and acquaintances
and everyone we've ever connected with?
are we not also seasoned by actions and experiences and
sensory details and
feelings, emotions?

aren't we all mirrors
reflecting everything we take in
back out into the world?

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