Oct 12

rei

unknown girl
always standing by
with no will of her own

why does she try so hard?
she never says anything
but does her best, least, it looks like it

falling, falling
tremolo bringing us down
she's here too. why?

got to trust her.
she offers no advice
only leads with sure steps and strides

yet she is unknown.
she doesn't know herself.
she doesn't want to.
 
that girl.
she's a little more human now.
a familiar instrument joining the mix

she knows more than she seems to
and now, she shares some of it
like a kid sharing her lunch

she's just like ___
like ___ and ___
never known much.
Oct 05

Unknown

ironic bit of fantasy
glassy eyes and shiny noses
nonsense in a world of chaos

doesn't make sense to carve your way through the darkness
when there's a path lit by the lanterns
yet blocked by a crowd

nobility
stained glass
pieced together

you don't see it as anything special
and that's okay
reflect on what you see, not what you don't

red eyes and bruised knees
a wailing cry
sweat

the stones set in their way
lead to somewhere you dont know
the only clue is the old footsteps worn with time

whose steps are they?
unknown

do they matter?
unknown

will you follow?
unknown

don't need to make a choice yet
but don't let yourself get shoved onto the first step
take your time

or, if you really want
throw yourself into the dark unknown
and carve your own.
Oct 02

Message to my 2018 Self

it's alright.
we're still here.
we've gotten far.

everything is nice.
we're leader of the section,
we're doing well in our classes.
and perhaps most importantly, mom and dad are proud.

of us. what we've done.
it may not seem like a lot, but
we're the same person in part.

things are getting better.
we can feel things now. 
feel happy, feel sad.
and that's okay.

we're not fragmented anymore.
we can connect the dots.
we can understand things and people.

we're not alone in lunch like we thought we would be.
we're not alone in any classes. 
we're not alone at all.
there are always people around.

i wish i could've told you this last year.
but maybe it's better that i didn't, 
since you pulled through anyways.

good job, rowan.
Sep 23

Firepit Fox

when i heard those noises from behind my house,
i didn't expect to see dark inquisitive eyes
and a twitching snout
right by my firepit

i didn't expect to see that young fox looking at me.
i wasn't much of a threat, apparently,
because he turned and went back to
doin' what he was doin'

not long after, i was walking where he'd been
stepping among the leaves,
i scared away some roosting wild turkeys
who squalked and glided further down the cliff

so, mr. firepit fox
if you were trying to catch one,
i think you might've missed dinner for today.
better luck next time !
Sep 15

Day Away

Sep 10

sleepless

when i can't sleep
i crack open a book
one of weird, mostly unknown facts
that my brother stole from my mom's bookshelf
and i, in turn, stole it from his dresser.

it's got things in it i've never even thought about
tooth decay from back in the era of the crusades
weird things popes have done
strange communities that i've never heard of
just things that you don't see everyday.

it helps me sleep, staring at words
no matter what they say.
i won't remember it in the morning (probably)
just those strange incidents in history
that would be forgotten if they weren't written.
 
Sep 08

On the Water

Sep 02

you first.

don't bottle them up.
don't bury them deep down within yourself,
and you better not swear to never tell anyone.

don't feel bad for feeling a certain way.
don't put yourself down for seeing something a little differently.
you're you, and no one can change that.

who cares if you like someone you shouldn't?
you said you shouldn't?
why should you care about their words?

you feel angry? it's okay to let it out.
to go outside and just yell.
let it out, man.

something's tearing you up inside?
tell someone. if you can't, write it down.
burn it, crumple it up, rip it to pieces. just get it out.

you don't agree with someone's opinions?
that's fine. you don't need to agree with everything others say.
you're worried they may hate you? well, if they hate you for your views, then maybe you're better off without them, anyway.

take care of yourself.
 
Sep 01

what's in a coffee shop?

the stools near the windows ;
lightbulbs dangling from chords above the counters, shining their soft light ;
plants in their pots, their tendrils hanging down ;
brick-and-wood aesthetic ;
white letters on the windows with the name of the shop ;
arrow decals? maybe ;
always the smell of coffee beans (like you'd expect) ;
white, always white ;
a little sign on the counter with something about coffee ;
soft throw pillows on the bench (if there is one) ;
open floor plan ;
chalk boards and flowing script ;
a happy atmosphere ;
a mix of pop & alternative music playing ;
wooden floors ;
optional: a barrel full of coffee beans (or at least the first few inches are) .
Aug 31

Once Upon a Time

a/n: self-harm mentions.

You stayed on my tongue like my favorite tea. Peppermint.
You didn't smell like Christmas at all. You just wouldn't let yourself be washed away, stuck on strong like a thistle to my side. You'd laugh and tease when I tried to prie you off.
"Not today, Angie. I'm busy."
You still hung off my arm, that childlike glee about you. You would use my height to your advantage, stick on strong, arms wrapped around my bicep. You'd giggle like a child as you swung with my step.
"Okay! I'll just wait until you're free!"
That childlike wonder of yours set my heart to rest. I didn't have to worry about you. But I would anyway, the way a mother did for her child.
I'd brush you off, like usual. My bag filled with my college textbooks, yours with your highschool ones. Still, you'd act as if you were just out of second grade, zipping around with boundless energy and enthusiam.
Sometimes I'd give in.

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