I try to remember life
Before it happened
And my mind comes up empty
Everything was a blur
Only fragments that I heard piecing back together the image in my head
A smile like cresent moon slashing though a dark night sky
A smile that I had learned to be hell bent against
For what she did
For what you don’t know
For the secrets we keep

I try to picture happiness
As if it was ever a thing
But when you put your arm around her and smiled like she was the sun on a rainy day
My shattered pieces turned to dust
And evaporated in the dry land inside me
The night before
I cried so hard my eyes hurt all that next day
I didn’t think I would ever see the light again

I try to think of what you see
In me
In her
In the looks you get
But when I tried and tried and tried to hold back my tears
Everyone converged on me

You need to stop
Thinking
You need to stop
Breathing
You need to stop looking the way you look
You need to stop talking the way you talk
You need to stop being you
It is too much
It is too different from everyone else
And no one likes a misfit
You need to stop being who you are
You need to stop walking the way you walk
You need to stop
Smiling
Laughing
Unless it’s on command
Because no man will ever love a misfit
You need to stop fighting for what you care for
You need to stop having a choice
You need to stop loving your family
Because they won’t matter to you in a couple years
Because no family can ever accept a misfit
You need to stop liking the people you like
You need to stop deciding on your sexuality
(Because you will only ever be one)
You need to stop being unique
So everyone will always be the same
And there will never be change

Someone save me from my broken teen soul
Where every piece is out of place 
And the stars will never align

Someone keep me safe at night
Where the cold and shadows can’t reach me
On the dark side of the moon

Someone tell me things will be okay
Even though I’ve heard it a million times
It sounds different when you say it

Someone make me laugh or cry
Because I am sick of not feeling at all
My heart a heavy stone in my chest  

Someone bring a little color into my life
Because right now everything is in black and white 
And I need a dash of vibrancy in this lonely place

Someone keep the demons at bay
Cuz I am the only one who can see them
And no one ever believes me

Someone please read this poem written at 4:02 in the morning 
Because if someone doesn’t 
I don’t know what to do
 

If a daily write 

or poem

or story
 
is each a persons voice,

there must be a voice for each day.

think of all those voices.

your voice can be called different things.

it is your right,

your charm,

your curse.

voices that weave stories 

or songs.

or silence 

which

still

has

a 

sound
 


 

My school experience.
Wrapped up nicely with no strings attached.
Where could that be?
My school experience is a very complicated thing that changes daily,
sometimes weekly,
depending on my mood.
Sometimes school is fun,
with interesting subjects and time to spend with friends during recess and lunch.
Other times,
it's a bore,
were I could fall asleep if it weren't for the hard table top.
Sometimes,
I just want to get out,
get out,
get out.
Run away and see the world.
But I know that school is so important.
If I enjoyed school,
then would I be talking about how I could sleep during math class?
Maybe.
School has its ups and downs,
its lefts and rights,
and most of the time,
I'm half blind,
learning things that will help me later in life and wondering
"What in the world will I use unit 3.5 in algebra for?"

Sometimes I dream in black and white 
where everything has to be one or the other.

Sometimes I dream of sun and moon,
painting the sky with their light and darkness,
where one must be awake or asleep.

Sometimes I dream of angels and demons,
singing tears and speaking silence,
where no one is safe.

Sometimes I dream of helium and gravity,
each word either rising or falling ,
where no one stands still.

Sometimes I dream of love and hate,
lies sweetened with silver lining,
where one must never make a mistake.

Sometimes I dream of pencil and paper, 
voices spinning into images,
where one can never go wrong.

Sometimes I dream in black and white
where no one is who they seem.

 

Do you know what it feels like to fade
when your heart breaks
and you disappear?
When you feel so much
pain
That it eventually numbs
the very feeling in your bones?
When you watch your emotions
stutter out one by one
until ash replaces the blood in your veins?
When you cry so hard
that you travel to the place where dreams are made
woven from stars
and morning dew
and painted with the dawn sky?
No one does
Because no one ever gives up.
 

This is an image of a character in the book I am cowriting. Her name is Audrina. Sorry, for some reason it came out sideways. :(

Presentate
Instead of present, you say presentate. I used to say this so often and always get corrected on it by my parents.

Requellium
The feeling of complete peace and silence when you are alone.

Lappsed
When you are caught in between the world of dreaming and complete darkness.

Usless
I know this word already exists, but I think they should make it a synonym for snow day.

Cololard
That feeling when you realize how acute the colors around you and the detail in some objects are like (Maybe its only me).

Sadess
When you are super stressed and/or sad about something and feel as though you could fall apart at any moment.

Pryaidis