happy 2021 everyone look forward to another year at YWP with y'all.

should have uploaded sooner but was feeling lazy and unmotivated.

hopeful YWP will fix the photo window problem and ill start uploading better stuff.

hippie out ✌️

remember the time beauty 
used to be 
well
beauty?
not really

they say
natural beauty used to look 
attractive
but people got greedy,
society got greedy,
suddenly
looking natural
was not attractive enough

we had to go back to the drawing board
the mirror,
the wardrobe,
the operating room,
to achieve the definition of beauty
once again

but before going to the mirror 
applying
moisturizer,
mascara,
eyeliner,
nail polish,
lipstick,
i want to let you know
that all
i care about
is you,
not your makeup

before going to the wardrobe
trying
shirts,
t-shirts,
skirts,
leggings,
shoes,
i want to let you know
that all
i care about
is you,
not your clothes

before going to the operating room
operating on your
neck,
shoulders,
elbows,

the reason
i am up
at 11:24 in the morning
is because of an ache
not from my stomach
not from my head
not from my heart
actually
yes
but because of a girl
i caused much pain

i didn't think that 
i would suffer
from the one i caused pain to
to say sorry
in the air
crying
17 times
every night

i knew it was my fault
you knew it was my fault
i said sorry
you accepted

yet 

i feel terrible

no

like i want to jump in the fiery pits of hell

i feel like saying 
sorry again
yet we both know
it will never be enough 

i try pushing the sorry’s to the side
instead
i paint 
to forget you
i play 
to forget you
i write 
to forget you
nothing works
i'm back to where i started

we both know
that they 
will never come
even close

My choices have been changing for years.

Ever since I was a few years old, I wanted to be a police officer.

At 12, I wanted to be a YouTuber. 

At 15, I wanted to be a writer.

Still at 15, I wanted to be a bookstore owner or a flight attendent. 

Still at 15, I wanted to be a doctor.

Now, at 16, I don’t know what I want to be.

I’m considering becoming all of them.

So that I don’t have to decide anymore.

No more of this or that.

How about this and that?

If you like literature, the Red Badge of Courage is for you.

The Golden Shower Tree, or Cassia Fistula, purging Cassia, or the pudding-pipe tree is pretty quirky.

It looks a lot better afar, so take a few steps back. More... more... more... Perfection.