the reason
i am up
at 1:24 in the morning
is because of an ache
not from my stomach
not from my head
not from my heart
actually
yes
but because of a girl
i caused much pain

i didn't think that 
i would suffer
from the one i caused pain to
to say sorry
in the air
crying
17 times
every night

i knew it was my fault
you knew it was my fault
i said sorry
you accepted

yet 

i feel terrible

no

like i want to jump in the fiery pits of hell

i feel like saying 
sorry again
yet we both know
it will never be enough 

i try pushing the sorry’s to the side
instead
i paint 
to forget you
i play 
to forget you
i write 
to forget you
nothing works
i'm back to where i started

we both know
that they 
will never come
even close

My choices have been changing for years.

Ever since I was a few years old, I wanted to be a police officer.

At 12, I wanted to be a YouTuber. 

At 15, I wanted to be a writer.

Still at 15, I wanted to be a bookstore owner or a flight attendent. 

Still at 15, I wanted to be a doctor.

Now, at 16, I don’t know what I want to be.

I’m considering becoming all of them.

So that I don’t have to decide anymore.

No more of this or that.

How about this and that?

If you like literature, the Red Badge of Courage is for you.

The Golden Shower Tree, or Cassia Fistula, purging Cassia, or the pudding-pipe tree is pretty quirky.

It looks a lot better afar, so take a few steps back. More... more... more... Perfection. 

Roamed around again, not too bad this time.
 

the night sky 
is something we are familiar with 
but most of us 
don't give it much thought 
not enough time
to gaze at it 
 
look at it
they go “if i look at that thing for even a second who knows what could pounce on me”
look at it
“you know they say it can blind you”
look at it
“sorry im getting a call can you give me a minute?”
look at it 
“ugh i need to get going stop wasting my time”
LOOK AT IT

their eyes widen
woah’s
and 
gosh’s
and 
wow’s
are spoken

look at the comets
“there goes hailey!”
look at the asteroids
“i think ceres is going for me”
look at the constellations
“there’s orion, leo, cygnus, taurus..”

you have your telescope now
you see asteroids 
meteors
moons
planets

“i can see jupiter”
“saturn”
“uranus” 
“pluto”
wait
pluto?

all i want

I don't know why I was roaming around the streets taking these pictures at 12 AM in the morning. Think it was worth it though.