Sep 11

The First And Only Home

thank you,
i whisper to the body i have hated for so long.
thank you for being home.
sure, sometimes it doesn't feel quite right...
but home can be a transition place.
my body will stay with me-
it's here for the long haul.
so thank you,
i say,
for letting me scream and cry and shout,
and wish away everything,
but still you find ways to show me the beauty,
in what i have been given.
Jul 27

A Letter To The Ones I left Behind

I'd say I'm sorry,
but I'm not.
Sometimes making the decision to leave-
as hard as it is-
will only help us all.
It hurts,
and it probably will for a while.
But just because there are no new memories for us,
doesn't erase all of the old ones.
You don't have to take down all of our pictures-
I sure won't.
But it's time to find new people to take pictures with.
I wish you the best,
and I hope you can one day understand why I vanished.

Writing one final letter,
Your old friend
Jun 23

Letting Go Of Perfection

letting go of the words
that bind me to a dream
I've forgotten to want.

through years
and tears,
walking a thin blurred line
that separates waking from dreams.

lost in memories of someone
I never learned to be,
yearning for what could have been.

unraveling the tangled ball of string
that I call my emotions,
cutting out the knots one by one.

to forget,
I first have to forgive,
but I can't find the instructions for that,
soI suppose the clock must keep losing minutes.

stars replaced with cold neon light,
from the unforgiving place I say I want to see.

finally I
let myself out
of the box I forced myself into,
and let the raging river of life
decide where I float off to next.
Mar 24

Lost at Sea

I can't carry this anymore.
This weight on my shoulders,
dragging me down too deep,
until I can't breathe.
My voice floats away,
in bubbles tearing out of my mouth.
That's all my pleas are.
I try to inhale.
All I do is choke.
I need a lifeline.
The sea floor is covered
in shattered glass.
Glass just loves to break.
Too much to bear
so I go numb.
Frozen over,
now I can't thaw.
I trusted once,
and I was broken like this glass.
Isn't it twisted,
that seaglass is so beautiful,
but it's really just been worn down to almost nothing?

If I could only ever swim up,
I'd find somewhere safe.
All soft colors
and soothing light.
Somewhere to call mine.
When I dream,
I dream of someone to hold close.
Mar 24


My mailbox is empty
thirty-two letters,
now no more.
Without you to anchor me,
I am invisible.
I feel like a ghost.
I turn off all the lights
and pull out your letters.
Little envelopes of hope,
from you to me,
that I am still here.
I am not running
I am still breathing.
My heart keeps beating.
Does yours?
Does it beat for me,
like it once did?
Is that why you kept writing,
when everyone else left me for dead?
I throw them
one by one
away from me.
Somewhere your name can't burn through me.
You're very far away,
but you still see right through me.
Your words are in my brain.
Why did I open that letter?
I miss you
You want to hear my voice
see my words,
know for sure
that I am still me.
But I am not.
More painting than human.
Slipping away through a rusty drain.
I locked up my emotions
Mar 23


I stare at the letter.
Words that define us.
You've written me many,
but this is the first I have opened.
It begins simply.
I miss you.
Why haven't you replied?
Are you angry again?

Inbetween these lines
lies a future
that I'm throwing away
with each day
of my continued silence.
I know you are sad
that I never write back.
That your life
is untouched
by my pen.
But what would I say?
Don't you see?
Time has changed us,
and my heart
no longer beats
to the tune of our melody.
You pour your heart out
in these letters.
But if I put ink on paper,
my words will not be kind.
I've been losing my mind
one word at a time,
and not even you
would recongize me.
Behind these letters in the back of the closet
lies secrets I keep sealed up
in an envelope with no address.
Please answer my letters.
Mar 19

You, Me, And The Butterflies

Catching butterflies
in a cage.
Watch them flutter
watch me dance.
They have wings
but I can't fly.
I can fall,
but never fly.
In this field
there's you,
and the butterflies.
I twirl in the wind
and you watch me,
like I matter
like you care about...
The butterflies,
            the butterflies
are watching as we laugh.
they'd fly away
         but here they stay
in our homemade cage.
We'll let them out
               too soon,
      it's true
but right now
             all I want to do
is be here
with me
           and the butterflies.
Mar 19

Send Me A Sign

i hate
that i can't tell you
how i hurt.
i can't tell you
how i hurt
because you'll
hate me.
if you hate me,
i hate me too.
and then
i'm back to square one.
just send me a sign
that it's okay 
to be honest,
that you won't run away.
is it okay,
to be not okay?
Mar 17

Words Hurt

Words hurt
more than anything.
I can take
a basketball to the head
or a baseball bat to the stomach.
That only hurts for a bit.
But words?
Even ones pretending to be compliments?
That's a pain I can't escape.
Not even my head is safe.

Stings like a wasp.
Over and over.
Words don't die.
They just swirl and whirl
until that's all I am.

Now that's what I call myself.
I look in the mirror
and I don't see a person.
I see words.
Angry words.
Sad words.
Hurt words.

Words worm their way
into my dreams.
In my nightmares
nobody sees me.
I scream.
I cry.
But they never see me.
I just want to be seen.

I'd rather get hit with a book
Mar 04


"Come, fly with me!" Castellan sang to the girl. He reached out a hand, flapping his wings of gold. The great Sun himself had blessed him. But the girl hesitated, drawing back her own outstretched arm.
"I can't fly with you, Castellan. Moon would have my head."
He frowned and heaved a great sigh. "This rivalry is ridiculous. Why can't they share the Heavens?" The boy ran a hand through his golden locks. "I don't want to lose you Astraea! We grew up together! Do I not matter more than your position as Moon's Champion?"
Astraea drew back as if burned by his ethereal light. "You are asking me to choose between you and my life! Moon is not as forgiving as your Sun. It's not my fault that you chose him." She paused, wiping away a silver tear. "We have chosen our gods and our fate. Nothing good could ever come of us."