Apr 22

The Day You Told Me To Leave


She grasped my soul in her hands as she told me to leave
She sizzled when we touched 
She shriveled away from my protests and promises
She told me to pack my things
She built a brick wall with resentment
I could no longer stand to watch
I left as she asked
I left and there was no hug goodbye
Tears streamed down my face where the kisses should have lay
Instead my hug was from the warmth of the truck as I drove away

 
Apr 09

obsessed

you were obsessed with the taste of my lips
you loved the smell of my perfume
you said my eyes were beautiful

when you left

i wanted to cut off my lips and give them to you
i wanted to give you my perfume
scoop out my eyes so you could stare into them

i wanted someone to appreciate the little bits of me
Apr 09

your view

you tell me the view is beautiful
you never want to leave
you tell me that I would love it

my shoulders still have bruises
you used my body as a ladder
climbing farther and father
I couldn’t see you anymore

you call periodically
telling me that I’m missing out
that I should climb up
but I will not use another
I will not use a body to climb up

I will not give someone the bruises I had
I will not make someone grieve love
 
Apr 09

earthly pleasures

maybe one day I will walk the earth again
bare feet, the mud between my toes
maybe one day I'll hold your hand again
pulling you close to me
maybe one day I will see your face again
the one who taught me about love
Apr 09

the voicemail

beep
hello? are you there
i know it said leave a message but i thought i heard a click like you picked up.
maybe you didn’t and i’m spiraling
it’s okay. i don’t know why i called but i miss you.
i miss your laugh, your eyes, all the things you miss about someone usually.
this wasn’t usual though because
usually you pick up
           usually we talk for hours
                      usually-
yeah shit uhh name and number
well i’m guessing you already know i mean your number is still in my phone.
maybe you already deleted my contact but- i really hope you didn’t delete my contact.
shit yeah the uhh the message
i miss you and i really-
your message has ended. thank you for calling.

 
Apr 09

your heart as fertilizer

i planted our love in spring
i dug up our love in winter
i no longer wanted to have our hearts buried in the soil of my yard
the snow burned by bare hands as i tried aimlessly to free my heart
the soil was frozen
i clawed at the earth but it didn’t give it back
the earth wanted what i had planted it kept my heart
my heart no longer grew
it rotted and decayed next to yours
my heart became food for the maggots
my heart sprouted mushrooms in the fall beautiful to look at but dangerous to eat
years after i dug up my heart
i found yours still there
i didn’t touch it
i didn’t want to try save your heart again
so i left it there
your heart is still in my yard
it became soil for my gardens
my heart begs for it sometimes
but those memories are long gone now
Apr 09

growth/decay


we grew together
our roots went deep into the ground
we would huddle in winter to keep warm
in the spring we would hold hands and see who could sprout the highest
summer was built upon us trying to reach for the sun, higher and higher
until you went higher than me
you grew taller than me
soon enough i could feel my roots wither
your roots went deeper
i began to shrivel
my petals were not as pretty anymore
my stem was broken
you were beautiful
you never looked down
your eyes cast toward the sun never faltering


 
Apr 09

dawn

right before dawn they rise
taps on the shoulder, a shake of a body
it is silent
footsteps echo on the wood stairs
coffee is poured and cups clink
bare feet on wood
a creaky door opens and closes
outside
the sun rises
they’re looking the wrong way
they are not looking at the sun
they watch as he comes over the hill
father
man of house
she hands him his coffee
black
they smile and turn
the sun is rising
they are together
 
Mar 23

Never knowing


a song I wrote

I got called a girl the other day,
from someone who I thought would understand
she has a trans boyfriend and I really hope that's her man
you know it's kind of funny people still think it's a joke
I'm going on three years now and I have a little hope
so I'll just stay in the closet over here all by myself
you know it's kind of lonely I wish I had some help
but I live in Vermont and yeah it's pretty cool
people make fun of me at school
so I always act like a fool
but maybe one day I'll be called Kaidin and that day I'll be at ease
but until then call me my dead name pretty pretty please

Feb 04

The Ladybug


INT. CAR - DAY
It’s DAWN. AVERY, 19, drives the car carefully around trash and other post apocalyptic things on the road. ELSIE, 16, has her feet out the window and her seat leaned back. FALLON, 18, is sleeping in the backseat.
ELSIE
Have anything I can throw at him? Maybe then he'll stop snoring.
Elsie gazes out the window. Glancing periodically at Avery.
AVERY
Give him a break he was prolly up all night with Gina.
Avery chuckles. Eyes still on the road never faltering. His knuckles are white from gripping the wheel.
ELSIE
Thank you for that picture in my head. I so needed that, Avery.
AVERY
No problem, Els, really anytime.
ELSIE
Are you scared about next month?
Elsie stares at Avery.
AVERY
Why would I be? It's gonna be the same as every other month.

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