Mar 23

Never knowing


a song I wrote

I got called a girl the other day,
from someone who I thought would understand
she has a trans boyfriend and I really hope that's her man
you know it's kind of funny people still think it's a joke
I'm going on three years now and I have a little hope
so I'll just stay in the closet over here all by myself
you know it's kind of lonely I wish I had some help
but I live in Vermont and yeah it's pretty cool
people make fun of me at school
so I always act like a fool
but maybe one day I'll be called Kaidin and that day I'll be at ease
but until then call me my dead name pretty pretty please

Feb 04

The Ladybug


INT. CAR - DAY
It’s DAWN. AVERY, 19, drives the car carefully around trash and other post apocalyptic things on the road. ELSIE, 16, has her feet out the window and her seat leaned back. FALLON, 18, is sleeping in the backseat.
ELSIE
Have anything I can throw at him? Maybe then he'll stop snoring.
Elsie gazes out the window. Glancing periodically at Avery.
AVERY
Give him a break he was prolly up all night with Gina.
Avery chuckles. Eyes still on the road never faltering. His knuckles are white from gripping the wheel.
ELSIE
Thank you for that picture in my head. I so needed that, Avery.
AVERY
No problem, Els, really anytime.
ELSIE
Are you scared about next month?
Elsie stares at Avery.
AVERY
Why would I be? It's gonna be the same as every other month.
Nov 18

I remember

Aug 07

This is my courage

Jun 13

Time

Jun 06
poem 0 comments challenge: Junk

Broken


They say you are broken and hurting so you must go
They are right
Your skin is wrinkly and old
You are always shaking
You can no longer see and so I guide you to the dish
to eat
You will not eat
They say that that is okay
Maybe if I hold you close than I will give my life to you
I will strengthen your bones and your bark will be young again
Maybe if I hold you close than I can breathe life as I whisper in your ears
I will grow back your fur and undig your grave
But it does not work
You do not run back into my arms
You lay there still as I whisper that you were the best boy
Stroking your fur
I sit there until the last breath leaves you
I sit there broken and hurting
Jun 06

Take me back

Kindergarten smelled like cut grass and sand. The boy in class that liked me threw sand in my eyes. I was taught to smile and not cry. 

First grade smelled like new paper and old books. The library became my home and the boys still teased me. I was taught how to stay quiet. 

Second grade smelled like wet socks and clean tables. The boy who said he liked me threw a chair at me. I was taught how to laugh without being happy. 

Third grade was new. The smell of my new school was different. It smelled like bus rides and my walkman. I’d turn it up real loud so I wouldn’t have to listen to the older kids. I was taught how to French kiss in a closet. 

Fourth grade smelled like new crushes and makeup. I wasn’t as pretty as the other girls and the boys noticed that. I learned that year how to pass notes inconspicuously. 
May 12

My Last Summer

May 12

Dear Asshole,

This isn't the first letter I've written to you. I've written to you in the dead of night, paragraphs upon paragraphs that you'd open in the morning. Guess who never got those cute messages, oh yeah, it was me. I had a beautiful picture be drawn to celebrate our first one month. Somehow you seemed to fuck up before you even saw it.  I have written note after note about how you hurt me, and you did it again, except this time I was finished. I don't long for your touch anymore because what once felt like fire, now feels like ice. Your words that once were music now sound like thunder, and you know I don't like storms. I'm a storm and maybe that's why I've learned to hate myself. When I told my mom what you did, she said she wasn't surprised. My family hated me as I made the mistakes again and again. I now see them as mistakes, not chances. Remember when I texted you, about that magician. It had made me think of you.

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