Jan 19

dark and light

we've all seen the dark 
and on occasion 
been swallowed whole by it
our eyes
leaking continuous streams 
and our feet
failing to hold us up 
we cant cry anymore
and now
we cant even crawl
we've all seen the dark 
have all been tormented
by the visions in our heads
and seen the things that scare us most 
on repeat 
every time we close our eyes
it's true we've all seen the dark
we've also 
seen the light
and we know
you can either give in 
to the dark 
you can step into the light. 
Jan 19

what scares me

I can't say, that I'm afraid of many things in life. 
but hate
scares me in a way that leaves you unsmiling for a week
the hate that tears families apart
and the hate that causes one country to drop a giant explosive 
on another
killing countless
the hate that only creates more of itself
and leaves no room for people to love themselves
or others
that spreads like a poison 
invisible, unseeable 
under the skin of society 
hate for others
that seeps under the doors of our subconscious 
and engranes itself into our brains
until we go to far
and remove them 
only to realize
it wasn't black and white
and maybe
they had it worse 
hate for oneself
that grows like a weed in one's heart
it's roots wind tight around our self worth 
the pressure leaving excess statements
worthless lies
we stupidly believe
"I dont matter"
Jan 16

Froggy Boots.

It was my third or fourth birthday, if I recall correctly. I had been given a pair of small, green, frog faced rubber boots. I loved those boots from the second I saw them, I pulled them on and ran outside, to splash in the puddles. I remember my mother came outside too, she took my hand, and we jumped in the puddles together, hand in hand, with matching grins. The rain started sprinkling, and refreshing my upturned face. I danced around, trying to catch the raindrops on my tongue, if i could i think i would have tried to swallow the sky. I've always loved rain, the way it sounds pitter pattering on the roof, and in the summer, how amazing it feels to dance in the fallen clouds. The puddles it leaves afterwards, always make me want to jump in them, just to feel like a child again. 
Jan 15


and cotton candy lolipops
like the ocean 
glances that tell storries
and spilled cranberry juice
like my blood
and the small, curious flames
i manged to coax out of the wet wood
like the goldfish crumbs on my tshirt
brooding thoughts
and the image of grapes on a label of a tylinol bottle
like the lavendar plant my mother loves so dearly
and the feeling i get when i run for what feels like forever
like a new leaf in the spring 
being prefectoinist 
and letting the sun warm your back 
as you draw your mind on a page on the porch 
like a pikachu. 

Jan 15

who I am

I am made of moonbeams 
and shaped by my craft
the flowing words inside of me
that I can never hold back 
I am unidentified
and often quite mischievous 
who am I?
I am me
I love 
and I laugh
I smile 
and I have a mild pickle addiction
I am random 
and magical 
I love who I love
and I often scrape my knees 
on the pavement 
of time
falling over backwards
and drinking cold tea
I am spontaneous
and fun 
I throw open doors
and down hallways I run 
till I'm aching 
and my rib cage feels like its breaking 
from the wild beat of my heart
sometimes I'm a fish 
swimming all day 
not into getting tan 
I laugh and I play with the waves
letting them bury my feet in the sand
sometimes I'm a bird
I fly till I'm tired
and then I sit in a tree
watching the world 
Jan 14

such a question

Who am i?
such a question 
it leaves you searching in the dust of old ideas 
and broken dreams
for something 
that still doesn't sound right

it makes you crazy trying to determine something 
that you know as a fact
to be true 
about you

To be asked such a question 
Feels like falling 
but this rabbit hole has no bottom 
and there is no mad hatter
to tell you it's time for tea 
for the only beverage here
is your own tears

to ponder 
this question 
is to question
who am I? 
You ask 
but you still don't know

you could like to eat ramen 
and dance under the stars
you could be made of laughter
and jokes gone to far
But you would still be left wondering
who you are. 
Jan 14


such a confusing thing
for me 
home is not a place
though if i had to choose one
id say vermont
is long grass
swaying in the breeze
just waiting for children to come run through it with bare feet
in a wild game of tag
is my mum's hugs
and the feeling i get when my father says he's proud of me
like there's no ceiling to my joy 
it just keeps going
is the smell of lentil soup 
and pachuli 
and insense like 
is how their smile 
lights up my world
and iluminates all the dark corners of my fears
shooing my worries away 
is coming back after a long day 
having my younger siblings run to the door 
and wrapp their arms around me
saying they missed me "soooooo much!!"
is all the people I love 
is all the things i know well
finding home 
is finding happieness
Jan 12


Things fade
from view
all that's left 
is you 
not even 
it's a silhouette 
only a shadow
of the person I knew
where are you?
lost in the maze of your mind
trying to find your sanity 
but now you wonder
if you ever had any 
imprisoned in glass
caged in these walls
you and I are the same 
don't you see?
can't you tell?
i am your reflection
your twin never born 
the same face 
and same mother
same home to keep me warm 
on the other side of the glass 
I am you 
I know what you've done 
I've seen how you cry yourself to sleep 
and I do the same 
every night 
when you live in your regrets 
your hopelessness
trying to swallow you up 
I know what you dream about
I know what you think 
how you wish you were not how you are
and why you only sing to an empty room 
I am the you 
in the mirror,

Just havin fun