Feb 24

Feeling.

Joy isn't just the sunny days
with ice cream drips and perfect words
Love isn't just the first few seconds
flawless moments and romance books
Life isn't just laughter that bounces off the clouds
the birth of new things or smell of leaves

Joy is the rain falling
sweet relief pouring across your face
moments when your value of everything
every little thing
is the largest thing

Love is the tears of a resolved argument
dripping into a well of shared emotion
the unconditional
"let me wipe your eyes with my sleeve and hold you close when you dislike me most"

Life is the constant cycle
of last and first breaths
of holding onto things so tight
only to realize you are most fulfilled when you let them go

see your scars not as reminders of the bad you went through
but as the strength that allowed you to survive
feel your pain not to wallow in it
Feb 24

Window

Feb 18

Up.

the stars don't watch with judgement 
and the moon doesn't shine to tell you what to do
nobody's seen the clouds fussing
over who said what to who 
sometimes the only way to escape 
this dramatic social hullabaloo
is to look up 
up from the table 
at which you are bound by the strings of compassion
up 
from the screen that you feel trapped in 
up from the tissues and cough drop wrappers
look up at the sky
look up at the rafters
the walls of this house don't whisper with envy 
the soft sway of branches don't scream in a frenzy 
of first world issues, and problems so petty 
am I your friend or am I your enemy? 
it's never been clear 
though I want to be friendly 
I'm lost in this world of teen drama and distractions 
somebody please
give me directions 
all I can do is look up 
up at the sky that could be the sea
tempted to make the next line
Feb 18

Just for a while

paper wings and messy things
broken glass and twisted strings
tie me up and wrap me in your hate
I won't cry for your mistakes

shattered windows
uneven fate
the smell of cleaner
and harsh brittle taste
of knowing you mean nothing

Desires well up inside
lower you broken bucket and dip into my heart
put me together and take me apart
dance with my day dreams
help me find meaning

there's nothing left
but ash and dust
so take my hand
help me smile
let me find light within your kindness

if not for forever
than just for a while 
 
Jan 19

this doesnt have a name yet.

(this is like a poem/rant I wasn't fully sure how to label it) 

Does my affection affect you 
in a negative manner 
does my love hit you like bullets? 
because they will hit harder
do my word offend you?
threaten your life
does the gender of my love intriest
bring you this strife 
how, what on earth makes you think
in what mind?!
that me loving another
is not being kind 
what person so flawed in their thoughts and morals 
led you to fight these pointless quarrels 
because love is love 
no matter face, body, or name
we are all living this
hectic people loving game 
all that we have is compassion for another 
so please please please 
stop hurting each other 
stop killing your sisters and brothers and others 
i beg you to find
some sort of respect inside 
I didn't hurt you 
Didn't call you names
Nov 27

Broken tears, Bruised fear

the bruises grow on her skin, blossoming like flowers across the pale sharp mountains of her shoulder blades… She loves you. You know this, and you love her back, but anger comes to you easier now, since you started drowning in the harsh smell of too much deodorant and alcohol. Every night she nurses you back from the brink of your livid state. Catching as you fall of the edge of your madness, and catching your blows as you toss them blindly. You wish it would just end. But that would be a mercy she refuses to provide. Your not surprised when you wake up one morning, sprawled on the floor the door wide open and home ravaged by your own drunken antics. She’s gone, you know she won’t come back. The person she fell in love with all those years ago has wasted away. . all thats left are the bruises, and tears that leak down the inside of your soul. 
Nov 14

Denial Will Fade.

time fades into a opaque blur
with a burning sensation
you ask me
but i dont know the answers anymore
frenzied lack of energy
and wishing i could simply
stop
who i am isnt as simple as it was
who i was . . .
who was i?
i dont think ive ever known entirely
though time and time again
ive searched others
hoping an epiphany lies within their subtle smiles
a glimpse of an explanation hides behind their swaying skirts
and neatly fashioned bowties
when all along
i knew
i just didn't want to
and so my denial would rise like a great ocean
angered by my own interference to myself
and broken i would fall
to the floor
looking up at the ceiling
wishing they were waves
to slowly wrench my breath from my still breathing body
i am blessed to have a body
though i may not like it for what it is
it serves me well
and holds me up through thick and thin
Nov 14

my, my, classy jazz

the click click of your high heels
you know we can hear your confidence before you even enter the room
and you like that
as the music sways over your head 
rolling like the hills i used to know
through your hair in waves with the wind
eyes lined with the color of dead coals
and lips the vibrant red
of an oozing cherry pie
the great slivery rings
sparkle like the stars
but remind me more of the moon
as they bob up and down
gently brushing your shoulders
your smart, yet relaxed composure
and impeccable taste in fashion
as you slide into your seat,
prideful
yet not arrogant
at the head of the table
you listen with feigned rapture to the ramblings of your peers
i catch your eyes, expecting a cold silence
however
the light brown of your irises is warm and comforting
with just a hint of excitement
like a spicy tea on a fall afternoon
Nov 13

hallucination buddy

on some nights
the world feels
broken
like the shattered pieces of porcelain
scattered
across the table
the hate
that pours from people's pores
like the anger in your eyes
what have i decimated now?
my sanity is just as faulted as yours
touch doesn't make it better
nor does the pain i feel when your words cut me
yet
i giggle at the harm
as you smile sickly sweet
soaks into me
who are you?
i dont know
but i'd rather you violate the feelings
you said dont exist
than have you love me the way you said
you would
the raindrops that fall down the window
the way you caressed my face
fingers long and cold
i hate you
but you like the way i fight
flounder for the breath you steal
the sound of glass breaking
like the screams that border on my lips
echos
you leave within my soul
and scars you have implanted inside my head

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