Courage

I lost my courage
I lost my courage because countless people drained it from me
I lost it because so manny people criticized me and nit picked all my imperfections
The very reason some people stand up for themselves 
The very reason I should’ve stood up for myself
But I’m told over and over 
‘Its no big deal, I’ve been through worse’
So I cower in my corner not wanting to upset anyone
Worrying and agonizing over the same mistake
The same way the others did
The same way they thought I was a monster
Now when I look in the mirror
I see the same thing
I see what they saw in me 
So when they got mad at me for being sad
I got mad at myself for being sad
So I put on a mask
With a painted on smile
And it stuck
And I couldn’t take it off
And I never stood up for myself
And that made me feel horrible
But however hard I try, I cant cry
So no one will show sympathy

Siren

Two animals I am
Yet I’m my own 
A different animal, one of a kind
So lonely, so admired
Lost in the depths of the sea
I ask  humans to play
But why do they go limp only a minute in?
Why do their eyelids close, and their limbs go stiff
I can stay in the water for hours on end
But nether the less, I cant let them drift
So I take them to the shore
As close as I can go
Some times they wake up, sometimes they don’t
My fins and my hair glisten in the light
And they call me a strange word
Mermaid i think
But I am not
They scream with joy
And my pointy ears perk up
So I dive deep down 
Into the comfort of the sea, and then I’m alone
Only the fish and me

 

Looking up

I look up at the sky
thats shaded with grey
the sun peeking out
is it going to rain
or are the clouds just deceiving us
and theres no where to sit so I'm standing
til my feet give in 
and I collapse onto the wet ground
thoughts racing through my head
Thoughts that should remain thoughts
and never be said
for the fear of being judged or criticized 
and shamed
for an opinion, a little thought
I could go inside
and retreat into my bedroom
yet I stay put
still staring at the clouds
who could go anywhere
with nothing holding them down
and for a second I'm envious, of a cloud
a cloud, one of manny
im still looking up
just an ordinary girl
staring at the sky
on a hill 
until it rains

Camera

Missing

Betrayal

Wolf eye

Jan 30

I disagree

 

They say your actions don’t define you 
I disagree 
You’re actions cause people to either
Love or hate you
You’re actions can cause 
Joy or fear
Excitement or disappointment 
Cheer or dismay 
——————————————
They say your memories don’t define you
I disagree
You’re memories make you who you are
They’ll guide your decisions 
Help you remember you’re accomplishments
And you’re faults
——————————————
They say you cant be bad and good
I disagree
You can be bad and good
 cruel and kind
Hated and loved
Cause no ones perfect 
Bad and good is just made up
——————————————
They say you cant disagree and agree at the same time
I disagree
You can agree 
But hate the point they’re making
You can be conflicted 
You can, not know who you agree with
You can agree with two polar opposite points

Intruder

Sometimes I let the fear of a stranger in my house engulf me
Staring at the wide open door in my bedroom
leading into a pitch black hallway
where someone could be lurking
hugging my pillow out of fear
spiraling into what ifs 
'what if there's someone downstairs right now?'
'what if someone is planning to rob me?'
'what if I have to defend myself, alone!?'
scaring myself more and more
imagining what it would be like
jumping at the slightest noise
eyes getting wider and wider 
not even close to drifting off
waiting for sleep to come.

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