Jul 01

count to 10 and breathe:

there is this voice
in my head 

that talks too much 
about 
everything all at once

a voice that 
make me so nervous 

the muscles in my throat 
tighten 
and it feels like I can't breathe 

a voice that makes 
my heart pound 
and my breath come to fast

a voice that makes me so nauseous 
that I don't eat enough
for 
1
2
3

days 

a voice that makes my palms 
sweat 
and 
props my eyes open 
with too many thoughts 

while alarm bells go off 
and the clock moves from 
4
5
6

in the morning 

a voice that wraps 
rubber bands around my forehead 
giving me headaches 

rate your pain on a scale of 
1-10. 
7. 


and i search 
big text books filled with 
latin words 
that tell me 
Jun 28

there is sunscreen in my hair:

my legs 
are covered 
in spots of paint 
and a non existent tan

and the hair that brushes 
my neck 
sticks 

as the sun 
falls down from the sky 
and into my open hands 

the nail polish 
on my toes is chipped 
and instead 
dirt has worked its way into the 
gaps 

I like the breeze that dances across my skin 
on warm nights 
when the flowers 
have fallen asleep 

and the bumble bees 
that bounce 
through the soft air 
that clings to the skin under my t shirt

do you remember 
that day 
when we sat in the grass
the sun pouring into our smiles
and you tied my hair into knots 
and told me I was beautiful 

some days 
I miss you so much 
my heart tries to claw its way 
out of my chest 

thinking about how much I want to fall
asleep with my head on your 
chest 
Jun 23

the art of party planning:

I'm the girl 
you meet once 
through a friend of a friend 
who smiles big 

makes you laugh 
with your mouth closed 
and your eyes open 

the girl you remember 
just enough 
to forget in the morning 

who you call when you're 
sad 
until you find the girl 
who makes you happy 

who you promise a phone call 
but promptly forget 
as her eyes meet the ground again 

halfway between 
lost and found 
the the corner of
Monroe and 17th 

throwing a private pity party 
while spinning innocent comments 
into worst case scenarios 
that would later fuel 
fictional tragedies 

breaking her own heart 
with a sledge hammer 
and hiding the glue 

looking wistfully 
through a rain soaked windows 
that are locked from the inside 
wondering why 
no one would smash the glass 
Jun 19

10:51 pm - Incoming Call:

there are so many stars tonight 
dancing across the night sky 
falling in love with the fireflies 
in the field below 

on nights I can't sleep 
I lie on the wrong end of my bed 
and listen to your muffled breathing 
and say things too soft for you to hear 

telling your closed eyes 
how the sun looks from under my hair 
and the way your laugh 
hit me in the bottom of the stomach 

hoping if I say 
I love you 
enough 
it will slip into your dreams 
like sand through my finger tips 

cold air pours in 
through the ripped screen 
in my window 

and waltzes lazily 
over my skin 
begging my eyelids to become heavy 

and I count 
trying to time my heartbeat 
to yours 

remembering the dragons 
that have taken nest
in my kitchen sink

it's too early 
to fall asleep 
when there is so much 
Jun 14
poem 0 comments challenge: Pledge

An Open Letter to a Broken System:

We the People of the United States,
in Order to form a more perfect Union,
establish Justice,
insure domestic tranquility,
provide for the common defense,
promote the general Welfare,
and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves
and our Posterity,
do ordain and establish
this Constitution for the United States of America.

We are seeking to make America one nation,
Indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
It's more difficult today
because we are struggling now for genuine equality
It is much easier to integrate a public park
than it is to make genuine, quality,
integrated education a reality.
And so today we are struggling for something
which says we demand genuine equality.

Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude,
except as a punishment for crime
whereof the party shall have been duly convicted,
Jun 13
poem 2 comments challenge: Police

I can't breathe:

I can't breathe, 
he said again and again 
with fear trapped in his eyes
please I can't breathe

I have a dream rooted in the American dream

please please 
please sir, I can't breathe. 
They're going to kill me 
I can't breathe. 

I have a dream one day this nation will rise up

I do not know 
what it is like, 
to have my heart in my throat 
when a police officer tells me I 
was going too fast 
around a sharp turn  

I have a dream that my four little Children

and I do not know 
the worry that my father 
or brother will leave the house 
and never come back 
because they said the wrong thing 
to a boy in blue 

will one day live in a nation where they will be judged not by the color of their skin

mama 
mama 
I can't, my knee.
I'm claustrophobic 
my stomach hurts, 
May 26

turning off the faucet:

it is 2:40 am 
and my heart has slammed itself in
with wooden shutters 
covered in dust 

and sunk 
into my chest 
pressed up against my 
spine rather than my sternum 

I think I'm out 

empty 
and shoved into the gap 
between window panes 

rather than rapidly expanding 
into the night sky 

I am sinking
through the floorboards 
and dripping into the kitchen sink 

its 2:49 am 
and I have packed 
everything in my chest 

into carefully labeled 
cardboard boxes 

and shoved them 
into the back corner 
of my closet 

where the 
doubt haunting 
my finger tips 

spins conspiracy theories 
about 
the things people whisper 
when I've sunk to the bottom of the pool

its 2:52 am 
and my fingernails 
are still long
and pushing into the creases 
in my palm 
May 16

I closed the curtains:

we so rarely look up 
and let the blue pour into us 
and linger in the gaps between 
our ribs

today i drank orange juice 
out of a mug 
in the kitchen at three am 

waiting patiently 
for the sky to turn inside out 
so I could finally 
remember my last name 

because 
I have been trying 
to pour out my water logged 
heart 

by dumping every color I have 
into a metal 
sink 

and then dancing 
with pen ink 
smudged under my eye 
In a dry patch of grass 

next to a parking lot 
made of 
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches 
and light up sneakers

hoping that my too still fingers
will start moving at 
unprecedented speeds 

my toes have shut down 
due to lack of thunder 
and broken bones 

and I keep losing my fingers 
for some reason or another 
in dreams where 
May 02

screw Merriam Webster:

beautiful adj. 
beau·​ti·​ful | \ byü-ti-fəl \
Definition
having qualities of beauty : exciting aesthetic pleasure
: cereal in the morning when you don't want to eat, the pajama pants that you fell asleep easy in, your eyes as you tell me your favorite color, the way you dance to your favorite song, how you smile when your trying so hard to stay awake and epically failing, your laugh as we drive under street lights and the wind is in your hair, your absolute belief that the world is ending, even though it never has 
May 02

"I am not brave enough to face the stars":

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