Jan 19

Teach Me How To Fall In Love

Oh, dear beloved,
Teach me how to fall in love,
Because
I'm afraid I'm going to break your heart
And thus break my own.

Oh, dear beloved,
Teach me how to fall in love,
Because
I don't know how to commit
And because of that
I'll commit a crime.

Oh, dear beloved,
Teach me how to fall in love,
Because
I'm falling so hard,
And I don't know how to stop myself.
Jan 16

Ode to Writer’s Rage

Anger! 'Tis the Fuel of Poetry
Burning within my Soul—
Igniting my blood, my veins, my eyes
And will not stop at All–

Because, as all my friends know 
And as I call to the Night—
Anger me, and I will explode.
Anger me more, and I will fight—
Anger me enough, and I
write.
 
Jan 08

Lady Liberty En Danse

She does a pirouette even as she chokes
On her cigarette, her body dancing through the smoke
Her house on fire, she leaps—she has nothing to lose
The fall of an empire, bricks collapse with every move

She lifts her arms, surrounded with her own breath
Scars from self-harm; around her is the dance of death
Her thoughts scattered—blood leaking from her eyes
Diamonds shattered; kingdoms rise inside her mind

Set the scene, call action and start the movie
Eyes glued to a screen, don't chase what you can't see
She looks straight ahead—her wealth becomes blindness
She may be dead, but her dance is timeless.
Jan 05

The World Now

I'm always so 
Angry all the time—
Rage
Boiling my blood
As the sun 
Burns my face
Outside at a march.
I'm ranting at the dinner table
Ranting online
Too much, it's too much
These political scams,
The wicked games people play.

I watch movies sometimes,
And the sixteen-year-olds there
Aren't fixated on
Climate change
Or vaccine distribution
Or rights being taken away—
They're focused on
Boys and girls and magic and madness, and
They're not drowning themselves in music
To escape the modern world.

I was told, I was promised I had a future
But that future still isn't here—
It's being slowly crushed under the fingers
Of some politician
Who doesn't know, doesn't care
That I exist.
My friends, they're pessimists now—
They're too scared that their future may not come, so
Better be right than disappointed.

Jan 02

“Broken”


Poets love to obsess over the word broken.
I couldn't tell you why—
I mean, I do it all the time. 
It's a good word, I guess, but still—
They love the word
They love its rhymes
And its connotation.
Broken people! Broken glass! Everything, everything
Is broken. 
It's just a lovely way of describing things,
A sharp, cutting way of getting to people.
And it has a dark academia feel, which is really
An aesthetic that all poets aspire to (don't tell them
I told you so).
Still, the use of the word
Does not guarantee the aesthetic.
I think poets know that, because they
Overthink everything, really, and that's what poems
Are made of (I shouldn't have told you that, either). 
Thus I come to the conclusion
That poets obsess over the word "broken" for a reason–
That being a simple one.
Jan 01

Growing Up Gen Z

What is growing up? I asked my uncle when I was ten. 
He said growing up is doing math and getting a boyfriend.

Since then, I have quite revised what it is to grow
and made a list of things I thought might go:

Growing up is learning to finally tell the time
On an analog clock, not on a Mother Goose rhyme;

Growing up is discovering your favorite flavor of ice cream
It's deciding what foods you like, what shows up in your dreams;

Growing up is imagining where you'll be next year
In fifth grade, in sixth grade, what kinda car you'll steer;

Growing up is picture day and realizing the boys
Are judging you and laughing at you and treating you like a toy;

Growing up is writing poems until your fingers burn
And ignoring the judgemental stares of your "friends" at every turn;

Growing up is picking up the laundry in your home
Dec 15

1918

I'm sitting on a toilet seat
Trying to remind my heart to beat
My lungs inflate quicker, so I know I'm not sicker
Than the people drinking liquor 
In the illegal speakeasies 

It's two am and I just threw up
But it wasn't because I'm drunk
It's too much to handle that such an old scandal
Could even hold a candle
To what the the politicians made up
Guess it's just my luck
That nobody listens to me when I say you better look up
Maybe you should shut up
And see the world in a mask of blood

Because one nine one eight
When this whole shitshow happened before
I'm not feeling great
So I hope there's no illness knocking at my door

One nine one eight
Better call nine one one
This is our fate
Come look at what the world's become

I'm sitting in my history class
Trying to cover my ass
On an assignment I didn't do yet

Dec 07

How I Live Now

This is how I live now.
Once, I lived fast
And I could not stop for a moment
To appreciate the world around me—
I was running with the wind
Flying so high
That I was hanging from the stars
On a glowing, galactic swing.

This is how I live now.
Now, I get through
Day by day by day
And my eyes flicker around me
And view the faded light—
I can't climb a mountain
Because the view from the top
Is just more heights.

This is how I live now.
I have to believe 
I'm going to be okay,
But it doesn't feel that way
And I'm lonely and low
And blasting music in my ears
To drown out whatever is drowning me.

This is how I live now.

 
Dec 05

The Sun

I'm on FaceTime
And my aunt is talking
Right after I've told her
Everything that's been going wrong with my life—
She doesn't understand, just
Tells me to have a good outlook
And believe in the future
And the sky and the sun.
"I don't know if I believe," I murmur.
She doesn't get that, either.
"Eleanor," she says sternly,
"You have to believe. Whenever I'm sad
(Sad, not depressed)
I look up to the sky and the sun
Because the sun gives me guidance."
I nod politely and hang up
Because I can't tell her what I'm really thinking—
For all her love and faith 
In the sun and its greatness,
The sun's still just a damn star.

 
Dec 04

You Still Loved Me

Even when I was nothing, 
You still loved me.

Even when I was broken
And choking on my pride,
You still loved me.

Even when I was sobbing
In front of a computer screen
At two in the morning,
You still loved me.

Even when I was out in a dark alley
Leaning against a wall
With my legs about to give out
And tears in my eyes,
You still loved me.

Even when I was a total jerk
And I talked about you behind your back
Because I was insecure
And heartbroken
And liked you more than I would admit,
You still loved me.

Even when I was staring in the mirror
My hands shaking
My eyes seeing nothing
My hands touching cold glass
My lips barely letting in breath
My ears not hearing anything anyone said to me,
You still loved me.


Even when I didn't love myself,
You still loved me.

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