it's been a little over two years
and i still can't breathe right.
sitting doing nothing
doing anything but freaking out
but my body fights me
and i can't breathe.
can't seem to draw in a deep enough breath to calm my head.
then i can't think straight,
i start to panic
and my heart beats faster
and then i actually am freaking out.
i'm tired of this.
not sleeping for hours at night
because i'm too busy twisting and rolling
sitting up and staring into space
trying to breathe deep enough to lie down and sleep
but it never works.
and i'm tired of people telling me
that it would go away if i ate better and took deep breaths and got more exercise
because i don't have time to get more exercise
and no matter how deep a breath i take
it's never enough.
and anyone who says that i just need to tell my brain to shut up