It was three, A time of day, When only the sound of the faint breeze, Found its way through my open window, My eyes tired, My eyelids heavy, Ready for sleep, But no matter the length of time that I wait, No matter the sheep that I count in my head, No matter the quiet sound of rain coming from my phone, I can't sleep.
I have a relationship, Not the kind that most people have, The kind that is only awake at three, I soon give in and put in my earbuds, Turn on someone else's playlist, And sink into thought, The kind of thoughts that only begin to stir at three, The ones that wait until you have let your guard down, The ones that make three turn to six, The ones that go back to sleep when you get up, Bags taking their rightful place under your eyes, The thoughts that will now wait patiently, Till three tomorrow morning.
Dear America, I have lived here most of my life, Watching from the comfort of home, Listening to you speak over the radio of our old Volvo's stereo, Hearing things I wish I had never heard. When I was younger, I never paid attention. I never listened Or watched Or read, Back then I wasn't ashamed of you. Now I turn away, Scared to look back, Scared to turn the radio on. Why do you not learn, America? You are my home. You are home to 328.2 million, America. You are supposed to be a dream, One that so many seek, And when they do find it, You push them down and tear them apart. When I was young I believed America was an amazing place to be. But when I see Innocent lives trampled in the wake of fear, When I say to you, When will it be enough? 6 million was enough. It was way too many. Covid does exist. Dont be stupid.
I thought it would be great, Like flicking a switch, But like birthdays, Like the moment the clock hits midnight, Just a moment of joy, Before falling back, Hitting the brick wall, realizing that nothing has changed, That moment that you wish could last forever, The feeling that you are still alive, One speck, Microscopic in the universe, The simple refreshing breath of air, Though sometimes, Life will kick you down, Or force you against a brick wall, As long as you breath, Take hold of any moment, Realize that a breath of air may be all you need, To bring you back, And sit against the brick wall, To collect your thoughts, Come to think of it, Today was great, Because this morning I took a breath, The year has only begun, I look forward to the next 364 days, That I get to just breath.
My mom, She made us noodles today, Ramen noddles, Salty and sweet, At first the noodles were rock hard, Now, They hang flaccid in my chopsticks, They are warm, The fireplace in the living room is warm, The kettle on the stove is warm, oblivious contentment, Denouement, Noodles...
Today I spent my day looking at my computer. Tomorrow I will do the same. It is hard to see the end, to see a day when my eyes don't ache and I see the sun. Some days I don't even go outside, some days I don't even remember. Day after day bleeding into night after night, physically exhausted from sitting all day. Even when I close my eyes to sleep I can see the red light glowing from my computer, waiting for tomorrow.
I slowly walk down the grand hall in the left wing of the castle. It is dark and silent. I gently run my fingers over the velvet paintings of people that I have despised my entire life. I walk shoulders back and bare feet silent on the marble floor. There is nothing stopping me this time, nothing that is going to get in my way. Aliria will fall tonight.