May 18
poem 2 comments challenge: Go

Finding Contentment

I just want to go find
the instruction manual for life
the rulebook for love
and a cheat sheet for
how to walk the line
between dreams and reality
hardwork and relaxation
the treasure map to navigate
a lifetime of hardship
where ever so often
an x will mark joyful snippets
that always seem to flash by
like purple petals pelting
on a downhill slope's road
when the pedals move 
of their own accord
and the butterflies quiver
in the pit of your stomach
and perhaps in the darkest nights
along this ever winding path
I'll grasp they key to unlock hearts
from cages of ribs
where I'll discover the courage
to rescue the person
always stuck in
someone else's definition
of her place in society
from that vast, empty shadow
called doubt
in hopes that 
she will find contentment
in the sun's warm rays
bathing her face in light
May 16

Lucky Wishes

I am the luckiest girl in the world today
Scratch that, human
Today, I am the luckiest human 
To have ever walked the Earth

What did I do in my last life
To deserve these people?
Even if we’re screens apart
Their love hugs me tight

These are the people
I wish never to disappoint
Who make yellow, gold
And gray, silver

Who else can complain
That their cheeks hurt from smiling
But double over laughing anyway
Because they just can’t help it?

What other unscrupulus monkey
Gets to learn to be a girl?
Who needs wishes?
I have everything I could ever need

Thank you, thank you all so much
My face alighted by the candles’ glow
Joy emanating from my soul
I make a few wishes, anyhow

I wish that they are all happy
For the rest of their days
I hope they feel the warmth
And are forever content
May 13

I'm Sorry

I am so sorry
I screwed up
by making you wait
the space between
is so far
that time warps
and I, the fool
can't do basic math
or reading
I hope you weren't waiting
too long,
at an empty screen
for my profile picture
of a smile and balloons
to appear
I'm sorry
對不起
Lo siento
I can say it in whatever language
you please
Some would say I ghosted you
And I suppose I technically did
but I promise I didn't die
to say so is kind of an insult
to the people six feet under
and I suppose I could be my ghost
and not know I am
But I don't think I am
Because I feel so stupid
And the guilt is overwhelming
I agreed, and I didn't even show up
what kind of criminal
does that make me?
In short, I failed you
And this fuddly bundled up emotion
sits at the bottom of my stomach
as it roils with guilt and shame
May 13

World of Heroes

World,
I thought this was the storm
Never could've thought
this was the calm
before the earthquake
one would think,
I'm used to this now
having my world
shift under my feet
just as I become okay
with where I am

World,
I never thought you cruel
why do you work with fate
to prevent my happiness?
why do you let me feel
content
heart, brimming with joy
laying on the couch
enraptured by the characters on TV
hour long conversations
with those I love
only to then drop the floor
from beneath me
making the fall
that much rougher?
what have I done
to wrong you?

World,
do you hear what they call you?
do you listen to what
every parent teaches their child?
they all say the world is not fair
but I couldn't comprehend
how the society
our heroes, our parents
lived in
could ever be unfair
May 11

Today, I Found Her

Today,
I peered in the mirror
to find a girl
I hadn't seen in a while
rebellious wisps framing
a contented moon
not trying, for once
to reflect the sun's
happiness

Today,
I tied my hair 
half up
half down
nothing ever
absolute
like I used to
not so long ago
replacing my new normal
who-cares-who-sees
haphazard bun

Today,
I was a child again
proudly presenting
an origami envelope
holding the contents
of a graphite heart
her arms draped around me
a mother's embrace
was returning home
never-ending smiles
said and unsaid
我愛你's

Today, 
My favorite
lavender shirt
that I used to wear
to soften the bad days
to feel beautiful
when the whispered voices
told me I was not
slipped off the hanger
and made a black and white day
purple
reminding me
May 08

Starfish at 9 AM

Alternating
Laughter & arguing
echo across the house
waking me up
at an ungodly hour
9 AM
a starfish in bed
splayed out, trying to cool off
my sweating potato self
in this toaster of a room
listening to their teasing
and scolding
one another
while going about
their morning
Feeling like the villain
for even entertaining the notion
of stomping downstairs
and interrupting
No energy, anyway
But as I absorb
their random banter
and grown-up conversation
about life, as usual
and unusual
I smile to myself
goofily, knowing
that despite their blow outs
and all the hardships
they've ever faced
this is the music
of bonafide
practical
realistic
non-fairy tale
romcom, or romance novel 
love
May 07

Virus Tides

I don't want to write
about this virus anymore
Don't care that this will be part of history
I just want this chapter over
But today, life's not giving me a say
Just gotta take the hand I'm dealt
And watch as this time fades away

I am drowning
Tides of periwinkle masks
and suspicious eyes
Chained to this bed
as the water level rises
I choke on despondent news casts
And articles saying we're never going back
The murky water fills my lungs
Until it's all I can breathe out
Fills my heart, my blood stream
Until it's cold and afraid
It floods my being
running through my veins
as I try to hold my breath
lying to my quivering heart
when I say
it'll be over soon

The glass on the windowsill
fills to the brim
with my briny tears
infused with sunlight
and dissolved memories
separating into ions
changing, ever so slightly
May 06

Not An April Fools Joke

Inside my bedroom
I can choose to weather this storm
Delude myself into
“Everything will be alright” ‘s
I can watch the sun die
Every dusky evening
day after week after month
And it can simply be
A gorgeous sunset

But downstairs
Reality tiptoes in
Grocery bags filled with
Life
Breaths of the outside world
Hand sanitizer and blue masks
The news telling it like it is
I want answers, information
But it only takes
Sixty minutes
To find that nobody has them
Plunging me into
numb panic

Outside
The reminicing, the yearn
Is simply unbearable
The seasons change
Winter melts into spring
And spring sweats into summer 
Signify time whipping past
Deftly ripping youth from my grasp
Missing all the memories
I thought belonged to me
But never will

On my bike
Pedaling along the sidewalks
The few blocks
May 03

Sewn Together

You're a fool to think
we'll take this lying down
dolefully spewing heartfelt last words
as you take a pair of red scissors
and snip our seams apart

If you cut us into two,
we will sew ourselves back up
with a silver needle
of honesty
and threads of
inside jokes and memories
after all,
we are cut from the 
same cloth

If you draw a yellow line
with bright caution tape
between our worlds
we will cover ourselves 
in sunshine and dandelions
so that we can be
whole again

If you make us wear masks
that cover our smiles
and muffle our laughter
we will become emojis and memes
that crack each other up
until we are a giggling eggy mess
clutching our yolks
sprawled out on the floor

If you make us stand 6 feet apart
we will transform our cells
into pixels
becoming laptop screens
so we can be
May 01
poem 4 comments challenge: Ocean

Beach Roosters

frolicking waves
and calming silence
the salty tang of air
Leaping dolphins
so carefree
and the sea breeze
catching my hair
rippling glossy midnight
just like in the movies
sandy lava scorchs toes
the smell of sunblock permeates
and to make matters worse
the salt's gone up my nose
lulling waves lure me in
then crash upon my head
wet grit in places it shouldn't be
and hair is simply a scraggly damp nest
 
we were in Hawaii
flowing fabric caressed
driving around the island
no circles on the map
the buttcrack of dawn
and there were chickens
and boy, the roosters were screaming
I wondered if they pooped in the sand
soft sunrise haloed our heads
dawn, the rebirth of the sun

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