Nov 18

You, the stars, and I


I lost you when the sky fell, I still love you in the mornings...
when I let my mind wander to the way you held me and the way you held all the stars in your eyes...
As if I belonged to you, as if all the stars in the sky were yours to keep forever, which I suppose they were...
And when the first shooting star glimmered, it reflected in your eyes, in those eyes, a window into the scattered constellations 
of your heart...
But I am still waiting for the day I can see you again, every second, minute, hour, day, week, month and year feels like an eternity without you...
I still love you in the mornings, still think about the way you held me and the stars
I belonged to you, the stars and I 
Your eyes reflected first light, the only light I ever want to see
Time is frozen without you


@Amelia_v @star @elise.writer @EvieC
<3
Oct 27

Age 13-20

This is a little thing I wrote during a class I was supposed to be listening to, just completely overwhelmed by life....for me, this is a tiny piece of what being a teenager feels like... losing someone and meeting someone else, random little things noticed and the urgent feeling to get out fo where you are...I hope y'all can relate to it and enjoy it :)

I've been told words have power, that
MY words have power...
so then what is it that I'm saying?

I still miss him but 
it no longer aches and I know he still misses me 
and neither of us have let go completely because why else would we still be talking?
...We'll find each other again someday

Watch blue sparks fly through a glass window, car rides to waterfalls with new people, 
this is beauty and both of us are aware of it

My shoes have walked these hallways for not very long but
Oct 21

And there

Autumn city streets line my mind, you are silver next to me, a reflection…

Falling leaves send me flashes, everything wanted leaves me pacing, breathless, missing something I do not have …

I love going places, anywhere, did you know that? Take me out west, by car or train, get there fast together, let’s disappear …

2 am and I’m wide awake, window wide open, crisp air prickling the bad dreams on my skin …

There’s an apartment painted blue in the corner of my vision, twisted iron railings and a 7 pm orange toned sky …

Ask me about Hope and I will tell you quiet walks, little half smiles, and what only the moon has seen …

I remember when it was time and so I went, hoping this time it would be different and knowing that it would be hard …
Oct 21

Here


There is a way this world settles

In which light and dark are both transparent.

The marks people leave upon this world are too often scars.

You don’t get to choose if you get hurt,

But you do have some say in who hurts you.

There are times this world is beautiful

During which i have learned to tread lightly, and yet

Still leave enough footprints to be remembered. 

He told me that details are important so we don’t repeat history and so

Life is written in fine print.

There is a pain that comes with this world, 

Of which only a select few of us know.

It is the ache of being tired, of never being able to stop, 

Pushing yourself–

So you don’t have time to think.

Beating hearts make noise,
Even when broken.
Oct 13

I'm trying, love

I still love you
I wish I didn't because it would make things so much easier but
I still love you
I still love you and as time goes on, as I thought I was okay, it turns out I'm not because
Because you're not here and I still love you
I still love you and my heart hurts sometime(often)and tears well up in my eyes sometimes(often) and
I still love you
I wish more and more
that I hadn't let you go
Because you still linger in my mind and
moments with you are still my favorite
I wish those moments weren't memories but I'm glad to have them
I still love you
I'm sorry


 
Oct 05

I lied, I miss you every day

I miss you on the misty mornings
and the that evenings smell like rain
I miss you watching midnight storms and
your hands in my hair
instead of the wind

We made it a long time, love
from the frigid winter of 2021 to almost now
when all the sumacs go yellow
I miss you and your hoodie still hangs in my closet and
your words are something I will keep forever
but it was time and we both knew it
Neither of us like goodbyes, especially not to each other...
but it was time, my love
I miss you and holy shit, can't believe we're high school juniors and 
what the hell happened to childhood and 
we both knew when it was time.
I miss you on these sunny fall days, holding your hand and sititng on your porch and 
maybe it sounds selfish but 
I miss calling you mine.
Sep 09

October winds

She told him to run.
Snapshots of her twirling in the firelight, 
her hair looking as if she'd caught the sparks, she 
told him to run. 
She told him to run and her whispers 
haunted his mind.
A lilting song and dark twisted woods, 
she told him to run and not look back. 
Rain fell, and in it, she danced, soaked dress
clinging to her body.
She told him to run,
to run from her and the thousand people in her head.
The autumn leaves crushed under her feet 
and her sweater slipped off her shoulder. 
She told him to run, and her smile, her eyes
slipped through his mind and her fingers let go of his.
She told him to run because the gray sky was what filled her up. 

She told him to run,
sitting on his lap wrapped in a blue blanket, 
stars cold in the sky above them,
and those October nights, she told him to run.
Sep 07

Complications

This world and this life are so complicated. I only say this because i know it to be true.
None of my teenage years have been normal, or easy. And some of these complications, ive brought on myself.
but the funny part of that is that i brought those on for my own happiness.
so perhaps it is best that we live in a world of complications. 
My first complication was when i fell sick with lyme disease at age 12. 
That one took me 2 1/2 years to climb out of, and the moments of darkness and so much pain and wishing i wasnt alive anymore...
those moments are burned into my memory, leaving behind trauma i can never forget. 
Aug 24

A list of things

Im finding out things. 
A list of them, 10 of them, all neatly lined up.

1. Change is hard, it hurts, there are good parts and there are parts where you say fuck this. But there are still good parts. 
2. Breathing is vital in every single moment. No matter the circumstance, no matter how hard it is, if you wanna live, youre gonna have to do it. 
3. The creation of Adam, Sistine Chapel...God is painted inside what looks like a red cloak, but is shaped exactly like a uterus. Which would suggest that God did not create man, that He Himself came from something that is only part of a Woman's anatomy. If you are now questioning your creation and every single person around you...you are not the only one. 
4. Aleeve and Ibuprofen do exactly nothing for a headache that is caused by a sickness you thought you'd defeated. So, you get used to the constant pounding in your head and smile and nod when asked if youre ok. 
Aug 24

Safe.

Jumped into bluegreen, slipped an arm around me. Talked about tattoos with his sister, Boston and Hampton and car rides. Lay back on a paddleboard and drifted. Our voices got tangled in the rushes. Eyes matching the sky, just as they always do. 
he became more real to me when we both left. 
I hva multiple families, the one i was born into.
and the ones i choose.
Danced in his backyard, took walks down quiet, cracked streets. Talked about homes and strength and stories wiht his mother. 
Sat on the front porch under darkening skies wiht him and his best friend. 
Laughed as they made eachother laugh, both of them grinning and unguarded. 
played Uno with his sister.
Looked through photo albums with him and his mother.
Fell asleep watching a movie together, my arm draped over him, safe and comfortable. 
there are choices you must make for yourself. 
Only for yourself.
I have multiple families.

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