Do you remember when we crawled?
When we sat
on the ground with our legs
crossed like applesauce

Do you remember when we explored?
When we ran
through our backyards pretenting that
it was a far off land filled with adventure

Do you remember when we played?
When we laughed
at each other and ourselves
over our games and competitions

Do you remember when we were young?
Before we replaced
crawling with walking
exploration with studying
playing with homework
because I don't 
but I wish I did.

We hung up streamers, posters
colored in neon pinks, oranges, and yellows
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” was written in block letters
slightly smudged from my left-handed writing

The cake we set on a table
draped with a light orange cloth
the frosting was already running
why didn’t we have this inside?

We hid behind a table
covered in an array of candy and stickers
The lights were switched off
while we crouched down

After a few minutes of out knees screaming
they walked in and 
switched on the lights
“Surprise!”

 

Breaking news just came in
The screen flashed red and white
The news anchor grimaced on the screen
It was going to be a short night

Their announcement started softly
Careful in breaking the news
That the world was ending
They were telling us what todo

While their voices were stable
Their hands were visibly shaking
They told us to,” call our family if we were able”
I made a mental list of all the calls i should be making

The sky lit up bright white
The TV’s screen turned to static
I went to my bed as the sky fades to night
This was probably the worst time to be an insomniac

The family in the room next to me screamed
Their dog was barking loudly
What did they think they could do?
Absolutely nothing

A loud boom resonated through my room
Then nothing, then pitch black
The earth broke into pieces, fractured by the moon

Running through fields of flowers
feet pressed into cool blades of grass 
smelling the buds and blades
of flowers made of rays belonging to the sun

Opening my eyes to a blinding light
waking up to reality
thinking without meaning
living without purpose

Taking a drink of water
the liquid running down my throat
a sign of relief as it alleviates briefly
feelings of thirst for something not real

My dreams and wishes
crumbling like pressed flowers
torn just as easily
as the fragile wings of a butterfly to a blade

Returning home with spirit screaming
"Let me in, let me be free"
internalizing the spirit and suppressing
until the sky is dark and the stars are out once more

Resting my head on a soft pillow
eyes fluttering close without resistance
thoughts wandering to a better place
to a field filled with flowers made of rays belonging to the sun  

Dear Diary,

Today my dad found out that my mom has been cheating on him for about a week. 
Today I found out what type of person my mom was.
Today I cried.

Dear Diary,

Today I went back to school.
Today my friends asked me what was wrong with me
Today I couldn’t answer.

Dear Diary,

Today is a Saturday, the first weekend of Spring Break
Today is the first day of many where I will go to bed with one parent not two
Today I cried myself to sleep.

Dear Diary,

Today I don’t think I can feel anything
Today I think I ran out of tears
Today I hid in my room

Dear Diary,

Today isn’t any better than yesterday
Today isn’t going to get any better, nothing will anymore
Today I give up