Hello darkness my old friend…

I woke up abruptly. That was bizarre, I thought to myself, looking around my big but cramped room, full of cookbooks, anthologies, and old game consoles. I sat back in my bed and stared out the window, trying to fall asleep, but also thinking. Thinking about Umma. Is she okay? Is this fantasy of her coming back home ever gonna actually happen?

I rolled over in my bed, pulling the covers over my head. I try not to think about Umma. Not during the day, anyways. It hurts me too much to think about her disappearance 9 years ago. Would a mother really abandon her 2 kids, both at 5 years old? It’s a question I ask myself a lot. After a while, though, I gave up hope. I’m rustled out of my deep thoughts when I hear another voice, this time in Korean.

Are you deaf? I know you can hear me, stop ignoring me.

By Romae Martone

If I had a spirit, I think it would take form as a little girl, a younger me, if you will. A ghost of what I used to be, the younger me that had dreams of being a queen or a dancer.

She would follow me all of my life to see what we have become; she doesn't talk, just gives me judgmental glares or slight nods. Never giving too much away.

I like that she is always there, making sure we still make snow angels in the winter and eat too much ice cream in the summer. Just because I have gotten older, it doesn't mean that I have to abandon the child I used to be. I can still be her at times. Just because I have grown up slightly, it doesn't mean that I have to succumb to the idea that I can’t be a kid anymore.

I have so many ideas for a sixth sense for human beings, but one, in particular, stands out to me. Examples include the ability to do any one talent of your choosing fantastically, and a heightened sense of intuition. But, the ability that I think will be the most beneficial and crucial with our current generations, is the ability to predict, and sense danger. This sense would be major in our society because it could help prevent despicable calamities, and in doing so, save a lot of peoples’ lives. For example, if you could sense that someone is about to murder you, you could prevent that from happening. Another example of this is if someone is thinking about assaulting you, and in doing so, hurting you physically and emotionally, you could stop that person from committing that action towards you. You could just rip out your pepper spray, and shower them with the acid-y chemicals. Pshhh!!!! After that, they wouldn’t dare lay a finger on you, let alone harm you in any way. 

If I had a spirit that watches over me, how would this spirit be? This spirit would be myself, a fluid self, a bit smarter self, but neither the less, myself. They look like me, act like me, think like me since I'm them and they are me. I can't see or hear them outside, and because of that, it’s a struggle to communicate with them.

But they find their own ways to help me. They are the voices in my head that tell me to not do something stupid. They help me apprehend things by making me fixate on small things to get the bigger picture. 

They’re the gut feeling I get to tell me something is wrong. And although they are the reasons I live and survive, they are also the reason I weep and stress.

They can be degrading and tell me that everyone is staring and judging, how no one really cares, how everything is not worth it for me. 

If I had a sixth sense it would be that I would know when something dangerous/bad is about to happen. How I would know that something dangerous/bad was about to happen, I would get a tingling sensation all over my body. 

    This sense could prevent me from getting seriously injured or just a bit injured. No matter how big or small the injury could be, it’ll save me from excruciating pain. 

    One thing it could be helpful for is that if my family were about to get into a car crash, or something super terrible, my body would start tingling and I would tell them something is about to happen and we would pull over and avoid the calamity that would’ve happened. 

 My guardian, Rosie, flew right above me. Her hair whipped in the wind. Her eyes shifted from me to my horse every few seconds. I ignored her. Frank (my dapple gray, Angelo Arab, Morgan cross rescue) and I felt like we were flying. 
Even though Rosie had kept warning me today about getting hurt, I refused to listen. While I normally heeded every word uttered from her mouth, today was different. Today I was riding. All of the pain and anxiety lifted from my mind, I was free. Here I felt safe. Frank would protect me. I knew it. 
We cantered around the arena and I took a moment to look into Rosie’s eyes. The color was ever-shifting, matching her mood (and mine) perfectly. 

 I’ve always had the feeling that someone is always looking over my shoulder. I’ve been haunted by this thought for my whole life. At least it felt like that. It feels like a third parent. She or he’s always looked after me. I’ve always assumed that it’s a spirit of some sort. Always helping me on deciding something. Whether the idea’s the safest or best option or not.

I have a spirit named Emily. 

She looks like my mother but with wings.

She came when my mother went to heaven.

She protects me from the dangers of the world.

She can fly.

She is a conscientious spirit.

She is affable.

She sings me my special lullabies.

She likes to fly me to school every morning.

She keeps me warm in the winter.

She's my bright light in the night.

She always was serene when she played with me.

She loves to swing at the playground.

She wears her hair half up.

She loves green.

She feels profound with art.

She likes the library and to read.

And she stays with my heart.

 

In folk belief, a spirit is the vital principle or animating force within all living things. But for me, I think a spirit is a person or thing that watches over you. Or even sometimes, it's yourself. My spirit is big, not in a large way but something that matches my personality. My spirit is bizarre, with crazy hair that hurts to brush who loves to read and write. My spirit is resilient no matter what other people say to put me down. My spirit can fly, or at least I like to think it can, I want my spirit to touch the stars and everything beyond them. My spirit is strong, not physically but mentally, my spirit keeps me in check and makes sure I don’t push myself too far. My spirit can yell with the voice of a lion, roaming around its territory. My sprint is who I am, the good and the bad. My sprint is annoying, always talking at the worst times. My spirit is quiet, never raising its hand in class.

If I had a spirit watching over me as my personal guardian, it would probably take the form of a small light or warmth to let me know it's around. However, it would only be something that I can see. It would fly around through the air, maybe go through walls or even people. My spirit would come and go whenever and hopefully give me some sage advice. I’m not super sure what spirits can do but maybe mine can see into the future. It could possibly tell me what to do if I’m in a tough situation. It could tell me what my future might hold as well. Say I meet a new friend who I want to be friends with, however, my spirit is telling me that they are an untrustworthy person. Or I can know every answer to my math test without studying. My spirit would talk to me in a quiet way that only I can hear, maybe in a different language that I can understand.  Sometimes spirits can give you peace although, some can haunt you.