Sep 26

i didn't love you


i didn’t love you
but it was something 

maybe it wasn’t love
or if it was maybe it was one sided
or unrequited
but i don’t think i loved you
i think i would give you
every
single
thing
and tell you
every 
last 
word
to make you stay and keep you in this moment
or moments prior
ones where i was better
we were better
i could have been the best for you
if you would have felt it too
but i don’t think it was ever love
i think i would have picked up your broken pieces
and glued you back together
but maybe it wasn’t love
because i didn’t love you
but it was something

 
May 05

No is no

Crying, screaming, begging
All for my freedom
All for my own bodily autonomy
Because old white men want to take it away

So when they provoke me
I'll kick and scream
Throw a fit
Becasue I will not settle

The adults that taught us consent
Are taking it away
But I will not put up with that

Because no is no
And I won't let them steal away my womb to someone who doesn't have one
So no
Absolutely not

My body is my own
Not the governments
Mine

So young people out there
Yell, kick, and scream
Throw a damn fit
Cry, beg, and make a fool

Because you don't need to be the majority
You just need to yell louder than everyone else
Espeacially when no is no
Apr 15
fiction challenge: Car

Glove Compartment Gum

You pulled up in your old, green car and gave me the look you always used to. The look I knew like the back of my hand. The look that healed all of my wounds. The smug smile that made your freckles look like fallen stars. The smirk that turned me from someone’s daughter, to someone’s love.
But I shouldn’t smile at you anymore. You left. Packed up faster than I could ask why. But just because I shouldn’t do something, doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I want to get into the front seat, steal the gum from your glove compartment, and ask why you left. 
Part of me is yelling that I shouldn’t say anything. The past is over and done with. That old, green car isn’t something I should care about. But yet, I still do. 
You left me in the kind of heartbreak that time will never fix. The kind that they don’t talk about. The heartbreak that teen movies don’t teach us. You left, decided I wasn’t worth it, and moved on. 
Mar 30

Than I Do

I should probably write more poetry than I do
And I should focus more on drinking water
I should probably stress less
And call my grandma
A lot more than I do

I should clean out my backpack
And my email
A lot more than I do

I should plan dates, carpool
And think less about if my friends did the homework
A lot more than I do

All I do is call him
Lay on my floor
Do my homework
And overthink what I should and shouldn't do
A lot more than other people do
 
Mar 24

Smitten

I am terrifyingly smitten with you
You make butterflies flutter around my stomach
And my cheeks grow pink
Sometimes I even think
You take the air out of my lungs

I want you to dance with me
At any hour of the day
I want you to brush a stray hair out of my face
And for you to whisper sweet nothings to make me feel better

You're my favorite notification
You light up my phone
And my day in return

You have me swooning 
For absolutely no reason
But I want to talk to you
And for our friends to giggle about how we act as parents

I like you so much I'm scared
I don't want to lose you
Or make you run away
Because I am disgustingly smitten
I like the butterflies
And our friends jokes
Because it means I have you
 
Mar 14

Irish Goodbye

I know that I would pull an Irish goodbye when you get too close
Because I always feel safer when no one knows
It's not that I don't want to feel something
It's more that I do
But I would rather run away 
Then tell someone "I love you"
Because feelings are scary
And being alone is easier than being outwardly in love
Sue me for liking to be by myself
But loving announced is easier
Then running away with you
 
Jan 28

Jo and Laurie

"I don't think you will ever marry"
But I think I will
I think I will find someone
And love them
And get married
And have a few kids
I will live and die for them
Because that is how I operate 
But it will kill me
Because it isn't you
You were the boy in all my stories
The person who inspired every tale 
And It has been this way for years
I have loved you
With every ounce of my being
But it will never be you
So I stand on this hill
Telling you I will find someone to love
And they will become my passion
"Why? That could be me"
Because the stars that shine at night died millions of years ago
And if we were meant to be we wouldn't be crying on this hill together
Talking about falling in love
Because we already fell
Like the first snow of the year
We fell fast and hard
Glistening while we hit the ground
So I will find someone, love them, live for them
Jan 24

Blonde-Haired Girl

When I was little I had blonde hair
Locks like strings of silk
Hair like honey you would drop in milk
My blonde hair made me who I was
Well my hair and my grades

People knew the girl who got all a’s and had blonde hair
But when I got to high school she was no longer there
The locks I had darkened
The praise I got was lost
And that came with a cost

All my blonde-haired girl coins had been spent
My grades made their inevitable descent
And I lost who I was

So maybe my hair isn’t blonde anymore
And the standard I had become accustomed to dropped to the floor
But the blonde-haired girl I once knew grew up

And at the death of my blonde hair
Plus the grades I once used to love
I finally found the girl I was supposed to be

 
Jan 19

Rivals

an illicit rival
whose affairs were unfurled beneath my eyes
the backstory untold by those who knew

how the rivalry of storied pasts
and forgotten love songs came to be
is still to this day unknown to me

bonds were broken
along with chains
but no one knew my pain

blood on champagne glasses
mugs made of gold
I wasn’t your option when the air went cold

I didn’t mean to hate them
but the frosty air filled my lungs with greed
cause you never would have chosen me

 
Jan 05

Foxtrot Charleston

The ladies sit on park benches
In little groups of three
All lined up in platform clogs
Plus glittering berets 

They are ready to dance the Foxtrot
Muster up a Charleston

The ladies who sit in rows of three
Ready to stand up and dance
But never will they find the chance

Their glittering berets hung up on shelves
Waiting for their moment to come
Platform clogs locked away

The ladies' fathers were mad about their ambitions in life
'Cause no good southern girl wouldn't want to marry
So they hang up their Foxtrots
And pack away their Charleston

The ladies now sit on park benches
Adorned by their children
From the men they never loved

Because they were much better at the Foxtrot or Charleston
Than they were at being in love


 

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