I feel you drifting from my arms
We've come too far
It's been too long. 
I miss you
Can't you see? 
It's me and you till the end
That's the way it's supposed to be. 
But it's getting hard for me. 
I can only hold on 
For so long
Until I let go. 
Let you dance away from me
Into a whole new sea
Of people who aren't me. 
I don't want this to end
No I don't want to leave. 
But maybe this
Is the way it's supposed to be. 
Me without you
You without me. 
Knowing I'll never live happily 
Without you. 

Cry me a river
Now won't you darling?
Drown me in the salty waters
Only to pull me out
And twirl me in your arms. 
Cry me a river
Now won't you darling?
Take me by the hand 
And extort my longings
Pull them from deep within my chest. 
Cry me a river
Now won't you darling?
Twist my heart and tear it in two
Put it back together so it becomes something new. 
Cry me a river
Now won't you darling?
Don't let me fall, don't leave me here alone
Cry me a river so it can become our home.
Cry me a river
Now won't you my darling?
Sink beneath the surface with me
Until the river becomes a sea
Of my darlings tears for me. 

I scrub my head hard as if to wash away my sins 
With non-organic shampoo that smells like artificial happiness.
Let the water run down my pale skin, 
Drown me in my sorrows.
Let the water pool at my feet 
While I exhale the stress, the weight on my chest
That only gets heavier.
Turn the water off.
Let the steam cloud the mirrors.
Let the water drip from my hair, 
Take my stress with you 
Down the drain, out of mind out of sight.
Breathe deeply, wipe the mirror.
Things are never as bad as they seem.
Dry off, leave those feelings behind, 
Leave them in the drain, I don’t need to remember.
Step out and let the cold air of reality grip me.
I always feel better after I shower. 

with love, i'm leaving you in my past 2022
 

The leaves have fallen, leaving the trees bare and empty.
Winter's cold lips banish the flowers from the ground,
Covering it with smooth frost and dusty snow.
Winter is coming, and with it, the winds of change,
Change for what, I don't know.
But I feel winter's cool finger grazing mine
And stealing the breath from my lungs
As if to say,
"Be careful, watch your step, change is coming."
I hold my breath, bracing myself against the cool air.
Wasn't it just yesterday summer's embrace wrapped around me
Full of warmth?
It seems winter is back with a quick vengeance 
And nobody will be spared
From its icy grasp.
Winter is here 
And with it comes change.
Its icy breath whispers in my ear 
Words I can't yet decipher.
But I'm ready,
Ready for winter's change, 
Whatever is coming. 
 

It’s killing me, the not knowing.
Not knowing if what we could've been 
Would have been better than 
What I have right now.
I don’t think you’re right for her
Look at what we could have been 
If you had followed me into the sunrise
Instead of chasing her moondance.
We could have reached the sun 
But instead, you chased meteors. 
What would it have been like if 
You had chosen me? 
It’s killing me, the not knowing
And I guess I’ll never know
While you're out there chasing the night
I’ll be here stuck chasing the sun by myself 
Wondering what could have been 
But what wasn’t. 

It’s starting to feel like it was all just a dream
A lost memory buried deep within the crevices in my mind
I miss the evergreen field and the hot sun that blazed my shoulders 
I miss the tall people and the calls of the umber cows
It’s been three months and it already feels like it’s been forever 
The memories are fading and so are the feelings 
Although I’m still trying to hold on
I miss the feeling of being there 
The air filled with laughter and joy 
Smiles and sunburnt cheeks 
The feeling of family and that I’m never truly alone 
Only seven more months until I can be there again 
And I’ll be running barefoot in the field 
Smiling because I’m finally where I’m meant to be 
In my dreamland 

 

I walked to the bridge today.
It smelled like licorice and fall Vermont air.
It was windy and my hair fluttered in the wind.
My face was cold to the touch.

I stood up there so high in the air,
Watching the cars whoosh under me.
They looked small. 
I felt immense and exhilarated. 

But something was missing, 
More like I felt like I was missing someone. 
I thought of your dusky eyes
And wondered if you’d like it here.

Here, where everything in my life
Felt small and insignificant, 
This place that was far from my home,
But felt so close to it. 

The orange woods next to the bridge 
Had become my place of solitude. 
I wanted to bring you with me
To the woods that had become my home. 

And to the bridge where infinity felt real, 
Our hair would be blowing in the wind,
Our noses pink from the cold, 

In my dream you were mine 
And when I woke up 
I could still feel the lingering touch of your hands on my waist 
And smell your coconut shampoo

Today I didn’t wake up with grogginess
I woke up with longing
I was filled with it 

Longing for who I had lost
But had never had in the first place

Greedily I want to go back
Into that world of you and warmth
When I closed my eyes I only saw darkness 
Where I wished your face was

I didn’t know I wanted you 
Until I tasted your cherry lips 
And felt your strong arms 
Against me

Now I am in a world where you aren’t mine
And never will be 

That longing stays with me
And I go to sleep 
Waiting until 
I can be yours again 

I’m stuck in a world of dreams
While I wait for you to pull me out 

Six years old and they told me
Enjoy your youth
But I didn’t care what adults told me 
I played with dolls and went down sticky slides

Ten years old and they told me 
Enjoy your youth
I rolled my eyes 
And stole my mom's makeup when she wasn’t looking 

Fourteen years old and they told me 
Enjoy your youth
I ignored them 
And texted my friends about boys and makeup 

Eighteen years old and they told me 
Enjoy your youth 
I told myself I was enjoying my youth
Partying every weekend and turning in assignments seconds before the deadline 

Twenty-two years old and they told me 
Enjoy your youth it won’t last much longer 
I laughed and said I was still so young 
And yet I’m stuck in an office with no natural light and crappy coffee 

Twenty-six years old and they told me 
Enjoy your youth, and don’t waste these precious years 
I sighed