(Why can't you 
loosen up a little, 
let go?)

said the boy, 
his eyes quizically turning
and twisting in the light.

I laughed, 
my hollow voice not 
the only noise creeping
loud and dark 
within my mind.

(maybe if i was you,)
i replied, looking out
at the twisted expanses 
that lay stretched before me.

His eyebrows furrowed and
i could almost see the 
questions knitting themselves
in between them.

(Let me clarify.)
i said, my features clearing out.

(when you make a 
mistake, when you lose control
when you mess up, 
the headline will be)

Teenage Boy Makes Mistake

(When i mess up, which i
hope will never happen,
when i lose control,
swerving in and out,
the headline will be,)

Iranian-American Muslim Immigrant Loses Control.

my secrets fall from your tongue 

like blood bouncing on snow

staining my hands red 

with the need for your 

validation

You make me smile
and my heart skip a beat
despite my world
collapsing at my feet

You keep me from breaking
and tearing myself apart
with just a few words
that you speak from your heart

You help me get through
everything that scares me
by always being here
wherever here may be

I love you so much
in so many ways
together, you and me
forever and always
 

I listen hypnotically
​to the harmony
​pondering it happily 
 

What I realised after that day was that I didn't love him. Yes he is amazing and yes I know that we would work if we tried but I am just not there yet. Sure I have thought about him being there in the future, but something is always missing. There is a link that just isn't there. Yes he is amazing, exactly what everyone would say I want. But I mean, no. I can't just keep pretending that there is a real chance. That will only kill me, and him. Yes I am aware that what I am saying makes no sense, if he is perfect then what is the problem. That's just it even his bad habits aren't anything that would stop you. They just make him funny and weird and honestly they make him all that much better. Blagh, I don't even know what is happening. Or what I am saying because this doesn't make sense. None of this makes sense, why I feel like this because ... I can't stop thinking about it, him, everything. Whenever I close my eyes to sleep, I see his smile.

 

Every night I dream of you,
After I cry myself to sleep,
I dream, hoping for a glimpse of you,
Until the moment I wake up.

Everything is a reminder of you,
Eating toast at breakfast,
Sitting by the fire,
Or, having a cup of tea.

Everytime I smile, or cry, I think of how you would be there,
Of how you would already know,
That I was sad before I began to cry,
Or that I was angry before you heard me.

Everyday I make myself remember the times you were here,
To remember your smile,
Everytime you sneezed with that weary, old face, 
Of how happy you were when you sat in the sun and relaxed. 

Now and again, I catch myself thinking of you,
Of how happy you were when you met anyone,
Of how relaxed you were, even in pain,
When no matter how hurt you were, you always showed up for me.

My boy.
 

Flowers on her dress,
Socks on her feet,
Her hair let down,
Twirling.

Crinkles by her eyes,
Nails polished black,
Her bracelets clashing,
Midnight.

1930's rolls royce,
Hair like the fifties,
Her dress, satin to the touch,
Dreams.

Crosses and diamonds,
Phone in hand,
Her mind lost in thought,
Weld
 

I watched the way she smiled,
The way she walked when she was angry,
It was mesmerising, the emotion.

When, when she put pen to paper,
Her whole face lit up,
She seemed one.

When she dozed off,
Dreaming, thinking, exploring,
She never quite would come back.

That was, was until she put pen to paper,
Her pen flew across the page,
She laughed, she cried. 

She used to sit there,
All alone,
Just, just listening.

To others she seemed odd,
They never really understood,
Until they read her work.

Day, by day, by day,
She stopped showing,
She came by once every two months.

People no longer know who she was,
I still watched, watched the emotion,
Watched her cry, watched her laugh. 

When she didn't come, 
I knew it was over,
Never, never would I again see those bright blue eyes.

I missed the emotion,