This is about a lot, about how I’m feeling, and the
things I wish for you and probably more…
I wish the best for you,
and your life….
Would've been out 9 months not like it matters or anything,... Every time I think of you I cry. All of our memories flood in my mind... Then all the pain that went on,... and now I can't help but feel so unwanted, used, and just so much. As if all of it wasn't real. I can't help but feel anger for you.
But it's not worth anything. Gets me nowhere, and doesn't make me feel better, cant change that you left, can’t change the fact that you never stopped loving her or wanting her. No matter how hard you tried to lie to yourself and me it was there. The things we shove down always come back up.
I have realized that what I did yes was terrible, but not as horrible as you had made me feel about it. Because I didn't know you still loved and wanted her. That's why it hurts so much. See if I would've known you felt that way I would never have done that because I would've known how bad it would've hurt you. But you lied and convinced me those feeling were gone and convinced me of a lot.
Just you. The person I fell in love with, the one I trusted so much; with my life. I know you loved me here and there but i’ll never know sadly… Please don't get upset or mad about how I'm feeling, its how I feel. See I never truly gave you a reason to doubt my love and faith for you. Until the moment I really did. But you gave me a reason and still somehow give me a reason to doubt your love for me and everything out of your mouth and everything about our relationship on your side. Many times you left, cheated, and just lied all the time, and so much more I don't have to say them you already know every little thing you did. It’s why every time I speak of them you turn around and make me feel bad about it, “you always make me the bad guy”. Well, you feel that way because you are.
I do not say that to be mean or spiteful, but as the truth, yes not always and yes I have my faults. But I forgave myself, I moved past them and never repeated them, some really small things yes, I did repeat, and I'm sorry. Look I really hope one day you can move on from your mistakes and never repeat them. It's all up to you. I really want the best for you. Even if it's with Madison, I really wish it wasn't but oh well.
No matter what i’ll love you, just not the same type of love. See I don't know what you think or truly feel, but I do know what I'm feeling and thinking and what I want. You chose to leave and want to go back to her. You have made it clear you do not want me in your life so i’ll be gone.
Sunday if I'm comfortable and so are you still then it will be the last I see you. You may not find this for a bit depends where I put it. But I want you to know I'm gone and will try my very best to keep it that way. Not for you but for me but yes you too. I wouldn't want to get in the way of you and Madison.
You have habits and I won't be around to help or feed them. I'm sorry, you felt the need to lie, and I am sorry I hurt you truly... I'll be here for you in anyway Taylor if you can’t sleep if you need to talk if you just want to catch up if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, anything Taylor i’ll be here. But understand I cant put myself into something that will hurt me. I have learned and I hope you learned something as well.
I still love you,
I've always loved you… I hate that I love you still and that I ever did love you. I mean by that is you're back where I found you but a little better with Madi now. So idk, all I know is I have memories that I can never forget about. Rare times; I was in love, and I was hurt so much that I was forced to care for myself. So thank you, Taylor, really thank you.
That summer we met though was the best summer of my life. Our adventures, thinking about it all, WoW. Just wow, those warm sunny days, where we would just gaze at each other, smiling, laughing and crying. One of my favorite days was our bike ride. That whole day, every moment was amazing. I remember our conversations, you told me about your experience with mushrooms and future summer plans with your family camping, all the things we would do, all the adventure that would take place. I loved riding on the straightest part of the bike ride with all the cows. Smiling and looking back at you. Just enjoying every drop of sunlight, thinking about it all makes every bone in my body smile, and feel warm. I feel the love. Man I didn't know it then but I loved you so much taylor...it was so strong it consumed me, and with you, I felt invisible. I felt like we were unstoppable, us two, Best friends, Lovers, Soulmates, Just us.
I hope to have my best friend back one day. But who knows, hopefully, I will be happy for you no matter who you're with or not with what you're doing what’s going on anything. Its almost summer, who will I have my adventures with?, maybe it will be 2 summers from now but man I miss my best friend.
The truth is I need you more than I can ever understand. I love you more than i’ll ever know… The truth is, I don’t want to move on or be without you. But I will have to and i will, but I love you so much and it’s hard to stop or to make it fade… you won’t say you love me and it’s okay, I understand or I hope I do. Maybe you don’t say it because you no longer do. I don’t know and I don’t know if I want to. I may need to know the truth so i can try to move past it.
The truth is I wish I could see you and hug you and cry on your shoulder, I wish I could lay my head on your chest and tell you I love you. But I can’t and it’s killing me, you know i’ve never felt this way for anyone. I’ve never felt this love, this hurt, this much confusion, all of this. I know that there’s something inside you that wants all the things I do, wants to say the words you never dare to say, wants me… There has to be…
I wish you could feel what i’m feeling I wish you could know my thoughts and wants. I want you Taylor, and nothing can come close to the way I need you… I wish I could feel your skin… I would rather drown than go on without you...I want you, and I always will.
But this is pulling me down and I must stop but, The truth is i’m scared… Who will fix me now? Dive in when I drown? Save me from myself? Please don't let me drown… Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?.... I’m scared Taylor…. I don’t have anyone else… No one else to do all those things, to be there, to Love me…..
Did you run away?, I don’t know. If you ran away, come back home… Just come home…
Do you ever think of me when you lie? Your bed of lies and I knew better than to look in your eyes. They only pretend you would be mine and oh how you made me believe. You had me caught in every web that you weaved.
I just figured if you saw me, if you looked in my eyes, You'd remember our connection and be freed from the lies. I just figured I was something that you couldn't replace. But there was just a blank stare and I couldn't relate. I just couldn't understand and I couldn't defend What we had, what we shared, and I couldn't pretend When the tears came down my face. It's like you didn’t even notice them. If you had a heart, I was hoping that you would show it a little more…
What are you really telling me? What are you telling me? I could tell you were lying, so get out and don't yell at me. I didn’t mean to cut you, I didn’t mean to break you, I didn’t want to catch a felony…
They say you don't know what you got until it's gone. They say that your darkest hour come before your dawn. But there was something that I should've asked, all along. But was too in love to want the answer or hear it. So does she know I've been in that bed before? A thousand times and more, and not a single thread of truth.
If I was just another girl, Then I'm ashamed to say that I'm not over you.There's one thing I need to know, So call me when you're not so busy just thinking of yourself…
I never needed you like I do right now. I never hated you like I do right now. 'Cause all you ever do is make me cry… Gave you up about 21 times and Felt those lips, tell me 21 lies, You'll be the death of me. You make me scream and holler… You don't know what you're doin' to me, making me cry all day and night… I can't believe I've cried all these tears.
My friends tell me I should've moved on a long long time ago. But what do they know? I don't mean to be selfish, But my heart breaks every time That I see you smile. 'Cause I know that it's not me, Who brings it out of you anymore. You found somebody new, You put me in the past. I don't even know if our memories will last, But if by chance it doesn't work out with her You'll always have a chance with me in my world…
Do you talk about the future the way we did? Is there room for me in it? Is it so wrong of me to hope she breaks your heart? Is it so wrong of me to pray she tears you apart? And I know that in the darkest part of you You pray and hope and wish for it too. Cause you don't mean to be selfish, But your heart breaks everytime that you see me smile. Cause you know that it’s not you Who brings it out of me anymore…
I tried, but it all feels like a waste. You could’ve been my Queen, id’e be your Queen.Could've had a castle, and worn a ring. But no, you let me go…
Let me Breathe,
I've watched those eyes light up with a smile, even in the not good times. Oh but, you taught me all that I know. I've seen your soul grow just like a rose. You and I made it through all of those thorns, I saw a Girl become the woman I know. It's killing me, to say "I'm fine," . When I really mean,to say… You're my all and more, All I know you taught me, But I need room to breathe. I found New York to feel like being in your arms. We melted into the bedroom floor, I Never knew I'd stay for so long… But this truth cuts not through one, but both, but both of us.But it gets deeper if I hold on…
Tell me, baby, tell me slowly… All the things you couldn't show me.Tell me one more time before I leave for good… Now I see you never knew me. Look at you, you look right through me. Tell me one more time before I go… I don't believe you when you Say you love me most And when you tell me I'm the only one… I can't feel you when you're Touching me and telling me that this time you want all of me…
But you won't hear me when I'm Tell you it's all or nothing. Because I wanted all or nothing, baby please… Let go of me, let me go… When you say you love me, baby let me see your face so I know you’re not lying… And when you say you'll never leave me, Know now that it's all in vain… And these memories, they haunt me Wherever I go…
I could go on and on about our memories, the moments I felt so alive. The memories that play in my head all the time… So let's hold on together, To this paper and this pen And write down every letter too every word we've ever said. All I need to know is, Where to stop. Take my hand and show me forever,So never will I ever let you go. Let's write our story And let's sing our song. Let's hang our pictures on the wall. All these precious moments That we carved in stone Are only memories after all…
You gave me hope But I've got to let go. It's deep in my soul, and now i've got to let go… I'm haunted by The ghost of you. I’m Trying keep from going under but I can't get over you… Memories, Everything you said to me but now you're dead to me. So now you're just a memory. When the lights go out And I'm in my bed. I think of all the madness in my head. All of the things that I did back then. When I'm in my bed I think of all the memories I've had, All of the things I did back then…
If you're a lover, you should know that The lonely moments just get lonelier The longer you're in love,Than if you were alone. Memories turn into daydreams that become a taboo. I don't want to be afraid, but The deeper that I go It takes my breath away. Soft hearts and electric souls the Heart to heart and eyes to eyes. Is this taboo? Baby we built this house On memories.Take my picture now and Shake it til you see me. And when your fantasies Become your legacy, Promise me a place In your house of memories?
I think of you from time to time, More than I thought I would. You were just too kind And I was too young to know That's all that really matters because I was a fool. Those thoughts of past lovers They'll always haunt me. I wish I could believe You'd never wrong me.But will you remember Me in the same way, As I remember you.
In this world you tried to not leaving me alone or behind. There's no other way, I prayed to the gods that you would stay… The memories ease the pain inside of me and now I know why… All of my memories keep you near. In my silent moments I imagine you here. All of my memories keep you near, with all your silent whispers, and silent tears. Made me promise that I'd try To find my way back in this life I hope there is a way To give me a sign you're okay… It Reminds me again it's worth it all So I can go on… Together in all these memories I see your smile. In all the memories I hold dear. Darling, you know I love you Till the end of time. I have these thoughts in my head and there’s no way to forget. They have me losing my breath. Nobody got me the way that you did, Nobody Had my eyes rolling back, had me arching my back, had me crying for you, had me begging, had me the way you did, you loved me so good… I wish you would hurry up and come back to me.
I tried to make it through the night But I can't control my mind… I just keep thinking about you all the time… Baby, I don't want anyone, no one else! So hurry please, cause I need you ,I need some help… So I'll be waiting patiently, 'Cause I don't have you here with me, But at least I have the memories… I still remember every second, every minute, every hour. I remember the day you left me there.There was a cold, bad day in summer I was 15, I was a child, You were a Child but you were My own desire… If you feel there is no love If you wonder why you suffered for so long Please be strong… I still got memories, I keep them under my bed Every day I have sleep with them.There’s no regrets, but I hope I'll forget but there’s No way for turning back.
Please don’t forget about us, me, and our love. Please keep me close in your heart, keep a place for me. Please never forget… Please know the truth, please know the love, please be careful, please don’t let anyone hurt you. Please don’t let anyone hold your heart unless they truly deserve it….
Don't worry about me,
I have a lot ahead of me, a lot of things to find. More people to be there for, and more pain to come. One day you will get a letter in the mail or maybe one day you will send the letter to everyone, a nation. Who knows what the future holds for both of us, together or apart. Friends or wife, maybe strangers. We will end up where the world takes us, so I wish you a safe passage. You might catch me on a plane, maybe a grave, maybe anything, maybe stuck in our hometown, maybe see me on the tv. Maybe the world ends…. Maybe….
Maybe my words to you the last day I see you will get to you....
Will speak louder than what they seem or the things I write... Hopefully, you see past me… and my words… you know what's true and what's not. Please be safe… I love you taylor….
and may we meet again….