My heart beats faster when I see you. 
My knees shake and I forget how to breathe.
How to talk.
Broken English.
Adrenaline pumping.
Finger guns.
Rosy cheeks.
Gasping for breath.
I don't know if I'm scared of you,
or
If I idolize you.
You're intimidating.
But so am I,
or at least that's what I've been told.
I'm fascinated by you.
Watching how you conduct things so smoothly.
You're so organized and punctual.
I hope to be that way someday.
I'm organized now,
or at least I think I am.
I have a planner.
I keep my meetings and events up to date.
I'm early for most things.
But I don't manage my time well.
I do everything the night before.
You'd think I would've learned by now.
I perform well under stress,
I guess that's why I do it.
You're level headed 
and have such patience.
I get frustrated when I can't do something right on the first try.  
And I get annoyed with people who don't move at my pace,
both mentally and physically.
I'm a hard worker,
I'm a perfectionist.
I don't half-ass things.
But I don't work well with other people.
I like to be a leader.
But my hands shake when I lead. 
And leaders don't have shaky hands.
I'm not sure how to fix my unsteady hands,
I just hope,
That one day
While I'm talking to crowds of people.
My hands won't shake.
And I won't stumble over my words.
I hope that one day I can be a steady leader.
Who doesn't shake.
Who is level headed,
and works well with others.
So I suppose,
I've answered my own question.
I idolize you.
But,
I'm also scared of you.
Scared of how long I might have to wait 
To be a steady-handed leader.