As a member of the lgbtq+ community who has not really come out to my parents, I tend to get a little ticked off. A lot. At myself, at my siblings and yes at my parents, when they use the wrong pronoun, or talk about me having a relationship with an assumed idea of my sexual orientation, based off of the faulty assumption of my gender. And I realize, I am causing my own suffering here. I know that my parents will be fine with who I am. If i just pulled myself together and stopped being afraid of practically nothing. But there is a part of me that is absolutely terrified to say anything at all. I have learned my entire life, to try to avoid awkward situations, but now I'm realizing just how messed up that thought process actually is. You have to be awkward and real and messy in life, to learn how to not be, but still communicate. It doesn't lower my fears to know this, but it does build up my bravery and determination to say something. 

As a teenager in general, this period of time in my life is scary and confusing as it is. Every interaction with a person of my own age is pumped full of awkward responses, strange "meme" references and hidden meanings in every sentence, my emotions are haywire, my body is constantly changing, my skin. . . let's not even go there. It's a time in life where you are trying to figure out who you are, where you want to be, what you'd like to do with your life, and how to be a responsible adult. It's a time in life, much like fall and spring, it's transitional. In between child and adult. In between wanting complete independence, and still clinging tightly to the life support of your parents and family. It's a time in life where it feels, the entire world is staring you down, asking you, "what are you going to do?" with anxiety inducing music playing in the background, and you are left with two responses.  Move forward. Or stay put. And what's the point in staying put? Life is there to be explored and reimagined and lived in, not left in a dusty corner while you sit on your bed and fret about silly things, death-staring a screen while your brain becomes increasingly empty and colpasses form lack of use. Life is there to be present in, to feel in and once you start being there and moving forward with life, and accepting change, you learn to love that feeling. Because moving forward, and living, Feels good! Getting over fears, and triumphing over dilliemas, leads to feeling more free, and less stuck in a box. I've lived with this fear and frustration, and overall negativity long enough to say I don't want or need any more of it. I've spent far too long inside my box of "comfort" that became ever less comfortable, and cramped as I grew. And I need to break free. I need to say something about what I'm dealing with, and how I feel. 

And how I feel, is what you just read. I feel scared, confused, angry, and ready to be done with the restraints I have placed upon myself out of those negative feelings. I'm ready to get awkward, but also, get happier, and more comfortable with who I am. I feel excited, Because I have so much more freedom and power than I thought.Just by speaking up, and saying a few words, I can improve my current state of being by so much. So this is me, finding my voice. And voicing how I feel right now.