happiness skips a generation 
because today I saw my brother's eyes 
as I made raspberry scones 
and he picked up 
a glass of water 
and disappeared down a flight of stairs 
and I know one day 
he too will loose 
all his marbles 
and happiness skips a generation 
i write on my legs 
in tears and guilt and 
the balloon in my chest 
keeps expanding 
and my wonder was squashed by 
3 boys in the 5th grade 
who filled my lunch box with mud 
and happiness skips a generation 
because I tried to write a happy ending 
4 different times but 
ended up crying over a bug 
that lay dead on my window 
and it hurts so bad to dream of 
walking on clouds 
when I know they are made of 
water and sorrow 
(but not as bad as remembering 
your hands on my waist) 
and I wear reckless 
around my ankle and 
fear around my neck and
hope under my finger nails 
but I wash my hands too often 
for it to stick 
and I am still scared of the dark 
because I don't know how bad 
my heart will hurt
and every laugh feels sour 
and you never know how 
much it will hurt
until it skips a generation