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Previous Post
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Sep 07
poem
Abriatis

placidity

i watch the numbers tick up.
i read the headlines.
suny oneonta shuts down for the semester -
six hundred cases.

i go outside.
i see the masks, worn properly or not.
the spraying of hand sanitizer,
quick rubbing of hands together.

shared door-handles,
stair-way railings,
desks on which you can still see
the faint leftovers of anti-bacterial wipes.

the zoom calls.
i see my classmates, my professors on the screen.
in my dorm, i stay, usually, alone.
my roommate is staying at home.

i wonder if i am wrong for not feeling anything right now.
i spit out excuses upon excuses about why i don't want to visit home -
"what if i'm asymptomatic?" "what if i have it but we don't know yet?"
"i don't want you to put into danger, there's fifty, sixty, seventy cases now."

"i don't know if i can come home for my birthday."

even though i already know what they've gotten me.
"hell, even if i can, i don't know if i want to."
even though i am so, so lonely here.

"no, dad, i can't come home, i have an in-person class."
even though it's dangerous to be in-person.
"if i don't have a ride back, why would i come home?"
even though i want to.

there's a pandemic around and i feel indifferent.
it could cripple me if i get it. i might already have it.
yet, i go to the dining halls, i go to my in-person class,
i hang around my friends like there's nothing.

i wear my mask even when we're off-campus or
in a friend's car. i check my temperature every morning
and every night before i sleep. i use hand sanitizer whenever
i can.

but even with all these precautions, who knows?
i might already be infected.
and i'll be one of the many made to quarantine.
but am i freaking about it?

no. i don't think i can.
  • Abriatis's blog
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Posted: 09.07.20
About the Author: Abriatis
"i'm me, nothing more, nothing less! i'm me!" - shinji ikari
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Discussion

Comments

  1. Alessandra G.
    Sep 08, 2020

    This is so beautifully written. I applaud you for documenting your experience as a college student in the pandemic. The juxtaposition between your actions and feelings, between chaos and calm is brilliant, and real. The last line echos the poem in its entirety.

    Alessandra Giragos

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  1. Abriatis
    Sep 08, 2020

    thank you for your kind words !

    "i'm me, nothing more, nothing less! i'm me!" - shinji ikari

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