to think that i will be a legal adult tomorrow.
i could vote. i could buy fish at petsmart.
i could apply to places like aldi's and tractor supply.

my birthday, for me, has always been tinged with sadness.
how am i supposed to be happy on a day of tragedy?
looking at the news, it's all the same footage, all the same photos.

honestly, i did not think i would live this long.
i was banking on something happening so i wouldn't have to be an adult.
i am not ready. i do not think i am ready. i still do not feel as if i am ready.

i wanted to be a child for a while. to be sheltered, so i wouldn't have to grow up.
so i wouldn't have to learn and become someone.
i should be panicking, shouldn't i? or be excited?

i don't know what to do, but i'll learn.
that's something i can do.
i'll learn as much as i can about being human.